you

you…
how come every time i turn
around…
you!
you’re… you’re…
you’re getting in the way.
i try to go left and it’s like
a magnet pulls me back to the center
but when i try to go right
it’s like i’m hooked from the opposite direction.
i can’t do anything.
i mean, i can… but i can’t
at the same time.
why do you pay such close attention?
why are you always there,
saving me from myself?
catching me before I fall?
wiping tears that haven’t even fully developed?
what makes you care for me
the way you do?
what makes you want me
like no one else does?
what makes you cling to me
like silk with no static guard?
it’s crazy, and i’m indifferent.
i’m convinced that i’m undeserving
but i’m also convinced that only someone crazy
would be this pressed on me.
what makes me so special?
what makes me such a limited commodity?
i know there’s only one me, but
only you make me feel special like this.
if you would just leave me alone
i wouldn’t feel so bad about doing the things i do.
i rarely consult you about decisions
rarely talk to you like i should.
i don’t even bother to read the letters you wrote me.
don’t even think about the things you told me
personally.
i have such a hard time with criticism
but you have a way of making it sound so sweet.
i guess that’s why you annoy me so much!
i’m so used to a harsh tone.
they’re so easy to ignore because i’m grown.
i don’t need anyone’s opinion.
i really don’t want yours…
but you’ve got this way of getting to me
you get your point across without
getting in my face
invading my space
stinking up my place
like everyone else.
and while i hate to admit it,
i really want you around.
there’s no time like the present
and you seem to be really concerned with my future.
my future? are you kidding?
i haven’t even thought about my future.
but you know it.
you saw me before i could see
you knew me before i knew
what i would be
you predestined me before the beginning of time
i was always on your mind
and it’s funny because although i
do things that you don’t approve of
you don’t judge me
you love me
like no one else has ever loved me
you teach me
when everyone else deserts me
you hold me
when others shun me
you shelter me
when others throw me out
you nurture me
when others hang me out to dry
you’re so perfect and yet
so unimposing of your will
such the gentleman
while i seek the companionship of other men
they don’t even know me the way you do
and yet i choose them and other things before you
the more i say, the more i realize
how much i need you
but i push you away because i
just can’t please you
you’ve always been the same
yesterday, today, and forever
and i change like the seasons
what could we possibly have in common?
for all the reasons i can think of to deem us incompatible
you give me a reason each day
to live, breathe, and think.
of you.

(c) ronetta cheryll