necessary

my heart is so consumed with adoration for him
a big space in my heart is reserved just for the way i feel about him
sometimes i think he takes it for granted, but deep down he knows he feels this way, too
and it sucks because the hours spent without him are empty and full of frustration
the days i wait until i can be in his presence again are full of anticipation and excitement...
like the very first day of school... or the first time you learn to ride a bike...
with him i feel pure... i feel brand new... i feel like a kid again... innocent...
all these emotions run through me and all roads end in the pit of my stomach... butterflies...
and sometimes i don't know who to tell
because he already knows i'm shy and
very accustomed to the old-fashioned way of courting
but i want to tell him...
can i trust my sister with this?
will my sister be there to listen and advise me...
or will i be betrayed by exposing my heart for him?
i think of ways i can show him how much i care
but does he really see me?
i go put on my good clothes and
i sing and dance (like brandy says) but,
does he appreciate the way i do small, meaningful things for him?
i don't know...
my reserved demeanor won't let the bold me step out and try...
i treat him like i treat others like him so there's still
room for doubt...
still time for him to become skeptic...
how do i show him he's #1 without telling him...
just the thought of him knowing makes me feel like a newborn...
most comfortable in the fetal position because i'm
exposed any other way...
do i really have to tell him;
...or does he already know?
does he think of me when i'm thinking of him...
is his heart consumed with adoration for me...
how far will he go for me...
what would he risk for me...
these are all questions racing in my mind...
is he afraid i'm not interested
or...
does he think i belong to someone else?
it's just his fragrance when he
enters the room that makes my knees
tremble...
what's it called?
and the way i feel when he
wraps his arms around me...
he makes me feel safe...
like that's where i could spend the rest
of my life.
i save all my free time for things
that include him...
and i secretly hope he gets as excited to see me
as i am to see him...
on any occasion...
does anyone around notice the chemistry between us...
do they care enough to push us together or...
or... do they like him better when he's unsure of me?

"it's all because i love you, i do
got to be necessary to you;
hope your eyes are wide open, you'll see
that your love is necessary to me."
-brandy: necessary (afrodisiac)

(c) ronetta cheryll