i never imagined

i never could have predicted
that i'd feel this way
the seconds
minutes
hours
days
weeks and months
that go by without seeing
you... hurt
devastation mixes with pride
causing me to be silent
and not seek you
like i probably should
and you're not even that far away
so i just feel stupid

but...
i wonder if these are your thoughts
am i reading your mind
and speaking from your heart?
is it obligatory for you to
worry about me or
wonder what i'm doing?
even now, i know you're busy
doing what you do every single day
but in the midst of all that
do you stop to remember me?

and...
there's a longing in my heart to be with you
all the time, 24/7/365
at times i feel this may be
impossible
unattainable
physically
your melody plays on my heartstrings
constantly
invariably
unvaryingly
to the point where i know when the
refrain is over and when it will
restart... i miss you
still...
each time i stop to think about you
your smell
your ambiance
your dedication
your perseverance
your talent
your faithfulness
your beauty
your masculinity
cold and hot overtake me
simultaneously
and i don't know if i should
zip up
or peel off...............
and because i can't see you right now
it hurts even more
every little bit hurts...
you still have that starting effect on me
you amaze me
astonish me
captivate me
astound me
shock me
excite me
arouse me
and even dumbfound me
because each time we
share a glance
a smile
an embrace
i feel something new
something i've never felt with anyone else
ever
do you ever wake up reaching out
for me?
does your heart miss the magnetic attraction
to mine?
are you weakened when i'm not around?
love is for us
it's there but somewhat unrecognized
how will it be discovered
if i can't seem to get over the fact
that i'm not with you...
that we're not together... but are we?

(c) ronetta cheryll