why me.

all it takes is a mood and a mindset...once i start, i don't stop. my mind is open to so many verbal [and non-verbal] possibilities that one second can produce millions of ideas and concepts...
**

what a beautiful fool i was to think i could be saved from myself.
beautiful because of the originality, creativity, naturality, and singularity of me.
foolish to think i could out-think the way it was meant to be...
ridiculous me.
in an instant i snap to and fro
thoughts of young and aspirations of old
torn in existence deep within my soul...
fickle me.
play me like an acoustic guitar.
each string resounding a different note
all notes contingent upon the angle on which they were provoked.
stroke me softly and i bellow
strum me hard and i silence...
backwards me.
grasping at straws to find the easy way out
when it was meant to be hard.
meant to be.
predestined and chosen.
no fault or choosing of my own but
defaulted and pre-selected.
how fair.
how twistedly cruel and unusual.
how immensely brilliant.
to take me through each storm
but cover me in the shadow of you...
and hide me in the eye of it.
to see the trouble and iniquity all around me
and not be affected...
ungrateful me.
neglectful of what has been bestowed
yet begging for more.
willing to sell my soul for a price so low.
impulsive me.
beating myself up
abusing my intelligence
prostituting my gifts for pennies on the dollar.
who could dream of being worth more than
the weight of the world on my shoulders.
each time i crash
shattering into a million, unrecognizable pieces
you use your pinky finger to restore in seconds
what took me years to ruin.
screwed-up me.
fixing my mishapen being and
molding me into something even i couldn't dream.
thinking of the thought of you makes life seem
so breezy.
and for all that has happened, i know it was only you...
loving me.

(c) ronetta cheryll