i took the title from "three the hard way"...it doesn't mean this is a hard recipe. i have no idea why that phrase was in my head at the time. i could have tourrette's.
*ahem*
so this is one of my favorite things to make, and i usually make 1/2 chicken 1/2 beef, since there are so many picky eaters out there, but you can use what ever meat you like. i'd even say tofu would taste good in this recipe (for the vegetarians out there).
what you'll need:
cooked rice
2 lbs of cheddar, colby, or monterey jack cheese (or all three), shredded
3-5 chicken breasts or 4-6 breast tenderloins (tyson)
1/2 lb ground beef or ground turkey
1/2 green pepper, diced
1/2 red pepper, diced
1 tomato, diced
some jalapenos (yes, some), diced
small flour tortillas (enough to line a cookie sheet, so 9-12 should be fine)
cut up the chicken. pan fry it in 1 tbsp of vegetable oil with the peppers, season to taste.
cook the ground beef/turkey. season to taste.
keep meats separate to make 1/2 chicken, 1/2 beef enchiladas or combine for combination enchiladas.
line the cookie sheet with foil, spray w/pam or another vegetable oil spray
place small flour tortillas flat on the foil lining until you can't see the foil anymore
preheat the over to 350 degrees
add rice to cover tortillas evenly.
add chicken & peppers/beef/turkey on top of rice. place evenly.
add cheese to cover pan as needed
add tomatoes and jalapenos to taste, on top of cheese
bake at 350 degrees for 15 mins, or until cheese is melted completely and browned on top.
let stand for 10 mins.
cut in slices and eat!
this is one of my favorite things to make. it takes maybe 30 mins to prepare, then the 15 to bake.
8.26.2011
8.25.2011
43. get my knee checked out
so i decided (not really, but i digress) to get started on my 52in52 list by getting my knee checked out. i went to the ER yesterday--by force, not by choice--because i *ahem* mis-stepped and felt a crack in my knee. immediately following, my knee felt like it had exploded into flames. phoenix-esque, if you will. of course, i ignored this at first because i had to go to work, and i'm still within the confines of my probationary period.
let's rewind a bit. the reason why #43 is even on my list to begin with, is because i have been procrastinating--something i am really good at doing--about getting it looked at. about a month ago, i fell down 2 concrete stairs outside of jesse's parents' house in DC. it was so much fun that i sat there, on the concrete sidewalk, to soak in some sun. i looked to my left and the top of my foot was scratched up.
sidenote: how do you scratch up the top of your foot? how does that work? although i did this, i don't know how.
to my right, my knee was sore but there were no visible love marks from the stairs. jesse looks down and says, "what are you doing? what just happened?" i forgot to mention, i was in mid sentence when this fall occurred. so he's hovering over me, looking extremely puzzled--he's lucky he's cute.
so jesse helps me up, i brush myself off a bit andwalk limp to the car.
about a week later, this limp is going nowhere and i'm like mayyyybe i should go to the doctor.
this is the fun part. i called the medical insurance company to make sure my coverage was going to pay for the visit and when it would expire (i started a new job, but i still had coverage from the old one, lasting until the end of the month). they confirmed that it would expire at the end of the day on 7/31.
awesome. i will just go to the doctor on 7/31, then, and get everything taken care of. i didn't want to be in the doctor's office on my 25th birthday, or laid up in the bed as doctor's orders on my birthday, either.
i get to the urgent care facility on sunday (7/31), and their online system is showing that my benefits are inactive. i about lost it. i specifically called to verify the date and time they'd expire.
soon after, i found out that the urgent care facility was the culprit--they verify insurance online, and if they'd been able to call and verify, the coverage would've taken care of this visit. so at this point, i have no insurance. my new job's limited coverage hadn't kicked in yet, and so...i was screwed.
i tried the holistic approach--well, kind of. i took ibuprofen to help with swelling and inflammation, and i did a lot of icing and elevation. for the most part, it worked. i still couldn't bend my knee very well, but i didn't limp anymore on flat surfaces; i just struggled going up and down the stairs and walking on inclines and declines. no biggie, right?
wrong. yesterday morning i messed everything up again. i mis-stepped and felt the whole burning sensation and pop. i told jesse what happened and he was like, you're going to the doctor after work.
now typically with jesse, i can wiggle my way out of things like this by convincing him that everything is cool and i'm fine and it will get better--like i did the last time. but this time he didn't budge. smh.
so i go to the ER, just because i know they have all the equipment necessary to properly diagnose the problem. it didn't take too long...less than 3 hours. i found out that i may have a bone cyst. it's not an effect of the fall, but it could be the reason my knee is so weak and gave way to the fall. the doctor also thinks i may need an mri to see if maybe i tore the miniscus.
i now have this war-ready knee brace that spans from my middle upper thigh to my lower calf. and crutches. and best of all, i'm at work today.
my life rocks.
but! that is one week down of things to knock off on my 52in52. by default :)
let's rewind a bit. the reason why #43 is even on my list to begin with, is because i have been procrastinating--something i am really good at doing--about getting it looked at. about a month ago, i fell down 2 concrete stairs outside of jesse's parents' house in DC. it was so much fun that i sat there, on the concrete sidewalk, to soak in some sun. i looked to my left and the top of my foot was scratched up.
sidenote: how do you scratch up the top of your foot? how does that work? although i did this, i don't know how.
to my right, my knee was sore but there were no visible love marks from the stairs. jesse looks down and says, "what are you doing? what just happened?" i forgot to mention, i was in mid sentence when this fall occurred. so he's hovering over me, looking extremely puzzled--he's lucky he's cute.
so jesse helps me up, i brush myself off a bit and
about a week later, this limp is going nowhere and i'm like mayyyybe i should go to the doctor.
this is the fun part. i called the medical insurance company to make sure my coverage was going to pay for the visit and when it would expire (i started a new job, but i still had coverage from the old one, lasting until the end of the month). they confirmed that it would expire at the end of the day on 7/31.
awesome. i will just go to the doctor on 7/31, then, and get everything taken care of. i didn't want to be in the doctor's office on my 25th birthday, or laid up in the bed as doctor's orders on my birthday, either.
i get to the urgent care facility on sunday (7/31), and their online system is showing that my benefits are inactive. i about lost it. i specifically called to verify the date and time they'd expire.
soon after, i found out that the urgent care facility was the culprit--they verify insurance online, and if they'd been able to call and verify, the coverage would've taken care of this visit. so at this point, i have no insurance. my new job's limited coverage hadn't kicked in yet, and so...i was screwed.
i tried the holistic approach--well, kind of. i took ibuprofen to help with swelling and inflammation, and i did a lot of icing and elevation. for the most part, it worked. i still couldn't bend my knee very well, but i didn't limp anymore on flat surfaces; i just struggled going up and down the stairs and walking on inclines and declines. no biggie, right?
wrong. yesterday morning i messed everything up again. i mis-stepped and felt the whole burning sensation and pop. i told jesse what happened and he was like, you're going to the doctor after work.
now typically with jesse, i can wiggle my way out of things like this by convincing him that everything is cool and i'm fine and it will get better--like i did the last time. but this time he didn't budge. smh.
so i go to the ER, just because i know they have all the equipment necessary to properly diagnose the problem. it didn't take too long...less than 3 hours. i found out that i may have a bone cyst. it's not an effect of the fall, but it could be the reason my knee is so weak and gave way to the fall. the doctor also thinks i may need an mri to see if maybe i tore the miniscus.
i now have this war-ready knee brace that spans from my middle upper thigh to my lower calf. and crutches. and best of all, i'm at work today.
my life rocks.
but! that is one week down of things to knock off on my 52in52. by default :)
8.23.2011
archive: it's an ambush
this is one of my favorite entries written in sevilla, spain. i kept blogs a lot during my time there (august-december 2007) as a scholarship project.
**
okay, so i had the entire apartment to myself for the weekend. much needed and long overdue. anyway, the apartment is huge, so i was pretty content being in my room reading and doing homework and taking naps the entire weekend (notice how i didn't mention EATING? it's because i only did that 3 times this weekend. another story).
so friday, i had been at the computer lab scheduling my classes and shooting the breeze online with people. i came home and ate chips and read for a while. around midnight, my roommate gareth's alarm clock went off out of nowhere... so of course my crackhead imagination tells me "there's someone in the house and they're trying to lure me out of the room so they can ambush me and i know it." am i kidding? so i just figured i would wait it out until the alarm went off... 30 minutes later, the alarm is still going strong... so the imagination kicks in again: "someone is out there resetting the alarm so it keeps going off so i will come out of the room and they will attack me." i thought i was sooo great for thinking up this "surefire" explanation for what was happening. 10 mins later, i'd had enough of that freaking alarm, so i opened my door to the dark hallway, walked to the opposite end of the hallway to cut the light on, walked to one bedroom, cut the light on, [get this] SWIPED my hand in the closet to make sure someone wasn't hiding in there, then went to the next bedroom and did the same thing... THEN i turned the alarm off.
i think the food here has crack in it... because it CERTAINLY doesn't have seasoning.
and speaking of which, i wouldn't be able to experience the effects of the food because WE NEVER HAVE ANY. here's what i ate this weekend:
friday: crackers and water all day, and then a frozen pizza and chips for dinner.
saturday: frosted flakes, crackers, water, and chips.
sunday: chips. oh, and some soda.
even if you add all those things up, it's not even a day's worth of the required amount of food, lol.
**
okay, so i had the entire apartment to myself for the weekend. much needed and long overdue. anyway, the apartment is huge, so i was pretty content being in my room reading and doing homework and taking naps the entire weekend (notice how i didn't mention EATING? it's because i only did that 3 times this weekend. another story).
so friday, i had been at the computer lab scheduling my classes and shooting the breeze online with people. i came home and ate chips and read for a while. around midnight, my roommate gareth's alarm clock went off out of nowhere... so of course my crackhead imagination tells me "there's someone in the house and they're trying to lure me out of the room so they can ambush me and i know it." am i kidding? so i just figured i would wait it out until the alarm went off... 30 minutes later, the alarm is still going strong... so the imagination kicks in again: "someone is out there resetting the alarm so it keeps going off so i will come out of the room and they will attack me." i thought i was sooo great for thinking up this "surefire" explanation for what was happening. 10 mins later, i'd had enough of that freaking alarm, so i opened my door to the dark hallway, walked to the opposite end of the hallway to cut the light on, walked to one bedroom, cut the light on, [get this] SWIPED my hand in the closet to make sure someone wasn't hiding in there, then went to the next bedroom and did the same thing... THEN i turned the alarm off.
i think the food here has crack in it... because it CERTAINLY doesn't have seasoning.
and speaking of which, i wouldn't be able to experience the effects of the food because WE NEVER HAVE ANY. here's what i ate this weekend:
friday: crackers and water all day, and then a frozen pizza and chips for dinner.
saturday: frosted flakes, crackers, water, and chips.
sunday: chips. oh, and some soda.
even if you add all those things up, it's not even a day's worth of the required amount of food, lol.
archive: ashy in class
i wrote this entry in sevilla, spain; during my first week of studying abroad in the fall of 2007. it's one of my favorites. enjoy.
**
another hilarious day.
this morning, i called myself being "prepared" for a long day, so i put on my tan gauchos, a pink tank, and a darker pink 3/4 sleeved shirt, with these metallic brown (like bronze) flats. and i wore a denim jacket just because it's been chilly lately. sounds like a winner, right? well, before i put on my shoes, i sprinkled powder in them so that when/if my feet were to sweat, they wouldn't slide around and be gross in my shoes. the powder was in, and so were my feet, and i was good to go. so i leave the apartment and walk to class. class starts at 9:15 with conversations with other classmates. that went well... i spoke a lot of spanish for a while, and it made sense! lol... back on topic. i sit down and the teacher begins to teach about the verbs gustar (to like), encantar (to love), doler (to physically hurt), and another verb but i can't think of it. everyone's paying attention and learning... and then i get an itch on my leg, so i look down to scratch, and what do i see? MY FEET, ANKLES AND CALVES WERE COMPLETELY COVERED IN POWDER! yes, the powder from my shoes. apparently, i put wayyy too much powder so that when i walked (more like stomped) to school, all the powder seeped from beneath my feet to on top. i probably had clouds around my feet the whole way to school. i looked so crazy. instead of just leaving it like that, afraid that other people would notice, i went to work trying to rub the powder off my feet. it worked a little, but it just made me look really ashy instead of... well, extremely ashy. i had no lotion and i saw that there was no type of lubrication around me (lol) so i dig in my good bookbag and pull out the carmex. i put a healthy portion on my fingers and started massaging my ankles then rubbing the top of my feet. all of this while sitting in the front of the class. even my heels and the backs of my ankles were ashy. pure WHITE. so after class, i make a bee-line for the bathroom and start rubbing my feet again, this time with toilet paper. i didn't get a chance to go home AT ALL, so i pretty much stayed ashy all day, praying that no more powder would seep out of my shoes.
**
another hilarious day.
this morning, i called myself being "prepared" for a long day, so i put on my tan gauchos, a pink tank, and a darker pink 3/4 sleeved shirt, with these metallic brown (like bronze) flats. and i wore a denim jacket just because it's been chilly lately. sounds like a winner, right? well, before i put on my shoes, i sprinkled powder in them so that when/if my feet were to sweat, they wouldn't slide around and be gross in my shoes. the powder was in, and so were my feet, and i was good to go. so i leave the apartment and walk to class. class starts at 9:15 with conversations with other classmates. that went well... i spoke a lot of spanish for a while, and it made sense! lol... back on topic. i sit down and the teacher begins to teach about the verbs gustar (to like), encantar (to love), doler (to physically hurt), and another verb but i can't think of it. everyone's paying attention and learning... and then i get an itch on my leg, so i look down to scratch, and what do i see? MY FEET, ANKLES AND CALVES WERE COMPLETELY COVERED IN POWDER! yes, the powder from my shoes. apparently, i put wayyy too much powder so that when i walked (more like stomped) to school, all the powder seeped from beneath my feet to on top. i probably had clouds around my feet the whole way to school. i looked so crazy. instead of just leaving it like that, afraid that other people would notice, i went to work trying to rub the powder off my feet. it worked a little, but it just made me look really ashy instead of... well, extremely ashy. i had no lotion and i saw that there was no type of lubrication around me (lol) so i dig in my good bookbag and pull out the carmex. i put a healthy portion on my fingers and started massaging my ankles then rubbing the top of my feet. all of this while sitting in the front of the class. even my heels and the backs of my ankles were ashy. pure WHITE. so after class, i make a bee-line for the bathroom and start rubbing my feet again, this time with toilet paper. i didn't get a chance to go home AT ALL, so i pretty much stayed ashy all day, praying that no more powder would seep out of my shoes.
52in52
52in52: i saw this idea on a blog i read pretty regularly, http://pilesofwashing.blogspot.com/, and figured it was a cool idea. so, i chose 52 things i will do in 52 weeks, and if not completed, i will donate $5 per item not completed to susan g. komen for the cure to support breast cancer research and awareness.
i am going to post about each adventure at the end of each week on saturday. i probably will not go in order, either, lol...
so here goes...my 52in52.
1. run a 10k for charity
2. try a new recipe from a renowned chef
3. drink only water (for the entire week)
4. go to a winery/wine tasting and actually buy a bottle of wine i enjoy after the tasting
5. have a weekend all to myself at least once
6. enjoy an entire weekend with jesse with no cell phones
7. participate in a karaoke night (instead of just laughing and watching)
8. travel to a neighboring country (canada or mexico)
9. travel to a state i've never visited, outside of the EST time zone
10. make a new dessert from scratch
11. create a new recipe
12. throw a housewarming for my mom
13. have my car detailed
14. adopt a puppy
15. offer free hair services to less fortunate women and children (via community agency)
16. read 2 books per month
17. get down to 160 lbs (it's okay; i promise i won't look sick, lol)
18. get a physical (ugh...)
19. go to bed at 9:15 pm
20. try to rid myself of my fear of birds--pigeons and seagulls, specifically--by undergoing some sort of treatment (??) like hypnosis
21. buy an awesome gift for my sister
22. take a vow of silence on a saturday
23. go dancing
24. drive to the nearest body of water and tan
25. stick to a budget for [at least] one month
26. make thanksgiving dinner alone
27. send a package to a friend i've been out of touch with (i really like this one)
28. go to a concert
29. go to a ravens game and a redskins game (maybe when they play each other)
30. go without internet for a whole weekend at home
31. learn to [properly] sew
32. take a day trip to philadelphia, for history's sake
33. talk to my ob/gyn about fertility testing & ovulation (yeah, i want kids in a few years)
34. make a necklace, earrings, and bracelet set
35. drink only all-natural fruit smoothies for a week
36. start a young womens book club (ages 23-30)
37. [finally] get my advice column blog up and running (starting with sorting letters and entries)
38. consider getting lasik eye surgery (i have horrible astigmatism)
39. take a pottery class
40. take a bikram yoga class
41. take a day to pamper myself--manicure, pedicure, massage, facial, waxing, and hair
42. run a mile under 7 mins
43. get my knee checked out
44. purchase a new bike and ride twice a week
45. no eating at restaurants for a month
46. try a new exotic food
47. break out the rollerblades [at least] once a month
48. get a brazilian (yipe...)
49. have a sleepover for my goddaughter at my house with 10 of her friends (omg)
50. donate blood (this process upsets me, because i will go to donate and my iron levels are too low. so low, that the phlebotomists usually ask me if i'm okay or need to see a doctor. smh...)
51. don't use "lol" for an entire week
52. write a [good] haiku
i wish i could add go back to spain in this, but time and money are troublesome here, lol. but i would make that #53.
feel free to join me in making your own 52in52! this should be good...
cheers,
ronetta
i am going to post about each adventure at the end of each week on saturday. i probably will not go in order, either, lol...
so here goes...my 52in52.
1. run a 10k for charity
2. try a new recipe from a renowned chef
3. drink only water (for the entire week)
4. go to a winery/wine tasting and actually buy a bottle of wine i enjoy after the tasting
5. have a weekend all to myself at least once
6. enjoy an entire weekend with jesse with no cell phones
7. participate in a karaoke night (instead of just laughing and watching)
8. travel to a neighboring country (canada or mexico)
9. travel to a state i've never visited, outside of the EST time zone
10. make a new dessert from scratch
11. create a new recipe
12. throw a housewarming for my mom
13. have my car detailed
14. adopt a puppy
15. offer free hair services to less fortunate women and children (via community agency)
16. read 2 books per month
17. get down to 160 lbs (it's okay; i promise i won't look sick, lol)
18. get a physical (ugh...)
19. go to bed at 9:15 pm
20. try to rid myself of my fear of birds--pigeons and seagulls, specifically--by undergoing some sort of treatment (??) like hypnosis
21. buy an awesome gift for my sister
22. take a vow of silence on a saturday
23. go dancing
24. drive to the nearest body of water and tan
25. stick to a budget for [at least] one month
26. make thanksgiving dinner alone
27. send a package to a friend i've been out of touch with (i really like this one)
28. go to a concert
29. go to a ravens game and a redskins game (maybe when they play each other)
30. go without internet for a whole weekend at home
31. learn to [properly] sew
32. take a day trip to philadelphia, for history's sake
33. talk to my ob/gyn about fertility testing & ovulation (yeah, i want kids in a few years)
34. make a necklace, earrings, and bracelet set
35. drink only all-natural fruit smoothies for a week
36. start a young womens book club (ages 23-30)
37. [finally] get my advice column blog up and running (starting with sorting letters and entries)
38. consider getting lasik eye surgery (i have horrible astigmatism)
39. take a pottery class
40. take a bikram yoga class
41. take a day to pamper myself--manicure, pedicure, massage, facial, waxing, and hair
42. run a mile under 7 mins
43. get my knee checked out
44. purchase a new bike and ride twice a week
45. no eating at restaurants for a month
46. try a new exotic food
47. break out the rollerblades [at least] once a month
48. get a brazilian (yipe...)
49. have a sleepover for my goddaughter at my house with 10 of her friends (omg)
50. donate blood (this process upsets me, because i will go to donate and my iron levels are too low. so low, that the phlebotomists usually ask me if i'm okay or need to see a doctor. smh...)
51. don't use "lol" for an entire week
52. write a [good] haiku
i wish i could add go back to spain in this, but time and money are troublesome here, lol. but i would make that #53.
feel free to join me in making your own 52in52! this should be good...
cheers,
ronetta
8.19.2011
jambalaya, the bulk way
those of you who know me, know i like to make food in bulk. not just because i love to share what i make, but also because jesse is my boyfriend, lol. here's one of my most favorite dishes: jambalaya. this serves 16-20.
ingredients:
4 cups of rice
1/2 lb of ground turkey
1 full link of hillshire farm polska kielbasa or smoked sausage (by all means, feel free to substitute this with smoked turkey--it's just as good), sliced
3 breasts of chicken (perdue pre-packages these, it's easier this way), chopped
1/2 lb of pre-cooked shrimp
3 cups of tomato paste OR any flavor prego spaghetti/marinara sauce
2 tomatoes (stewed, or raw), diced
1/2 green pepper, diced
1/4 onion, diced
2 bay leaves (optional)
4 tbsp old bay seasoning
1 tbsp salt
4 tbsp pepper
1 tsp butter
simmer ground turkey on stove top in 1 tsp of olive oil until done (about 10 mins, stir/flip occasionally)
add diced green peppers and onions, stir occasionally, cook for 5 mins.
drain.
in a separate pan, add chopped chicken breasts and sliced kielbasa. cook until well done on stove top in 2 tsps of olive oil (about 10 mins, stir occasionally).
drain.
in a separate pan, simmer pre-cooked shrimp in 1tsp butter for about 5 mins. watch closely, stir often.
add ground turkey, diced peppers and onions to the chopped chicken breasts and sliced kielbasa. add shrimp, stir well.
cook 3 cups of rice separately until done. (without rice cooker, add 6 cups of water to 3 cups of rice, cook on medium setting until all water has disappeared. DO NOT stir.)
warm tomato paste adding 4 tbsp pepper, 1 tbsp salt, 4 tbsp old bay seasoning, 2 bay leaves, and diced tomatoes on stove top for 7-8 mins.
add the meat pot to the tomato sauce & seasonings pot. stir well.
you can decide the next part: either add the rice to the jambalaya (my favorite way) or serve the jambalaya on top of the rice, separately. and feel free to add more or less seasoning, to satisfy your taste.
it's always nice to add cornbread or biscuits to this meal, too :) it's a comfort food.
enjoy,
ronetta cheryll
ingredients:
4 cups of rice
1/2 lb of ground turkey
1 full link of hillshire farm polska kielbasa or smoked sausage (by all means, feel free to substitute this with smoked turkey--it's just as good), sliced
3 breasts of chicken (perdue pre-packages these, it's easier this way), chopped
1/2 lb of pre-cooked shrimp
3 cups of tomato paste OR any flavor prego spaghetti/marinara sauce
2 tomatoes (stewed, or raw), diced
1/2 green pepper, diced
1/4 onion, diced
2 bay leaves (optional)
4 tbsp old bay seasoning
1 tbsp salt
4 tbsp pepper
1 tsp butter
simmer ground turkey on stove top in 1 tsp of olive oil until done (about 10 mins, stir/flip occasionally)
add diced green peppers and onions, stir occasionally, cook for 5 mins.
drain.
in a separate pan, add chopped chicken breasts and sliced kielbasa. cook until well done on stove top in 2 tsps of olive oil (about 10 mins, stir occasionally).
drain.
in a separate pan, simmer pre-cooked shrimp in 1tsp butter for about 5 mins. watch closely, stir often.
add ground turkey, diced peppers and onions to the chopped chicken breasts and sliced kielbasa. add shrimp, stir well.
cook 3 cups of rice separately until done. (without rice cooker, add 6 cups of water to 3 cups of rice, cook on medium setting until all water has disappeared. DO NOT stir.)
warm tomato paste adding 4 tbsp pepper, 1 tbsp salt, 4 tbsp old bay seasoning, 2 bay leaves, and diced tomatoes on stove top for 7-8 mins.
add the meat pot to the tomato sauce & seasonings pot. stir well.
you can decide the next part: either add the rice to the jambalaya (my favorite way) or serve the jambalaya on top of the rice, separately. and feel free to add more or less seasoning, to satisfy your taste.
it's always nice to add cornbread or biscuits to this meal, too :) it's a comfort food.
enjoy,
ronetta cheryll
8.18.2011
i miss you
i miss you.
we don't talk like we used to.
clear up our feelings like we used to.
chill like we used to.
we barely discuss the events going on in my life, too.
boo.
most of it's my fault.
i'll take all of the blame.
i've preoccupied myself with everything else.
while you've remained the same.
i regret the past few months.
i hang my head in shame.
i need you more than i thought i would at this point.
you always provided a listening ear.
you let me think freely and use my words to express how i felt.
still can't recall why i stopped using you in the first place.
you made everything right.
you straightened up my crookedness.
you let me invent words and use some old ones.
you let me cry on your pages and smile between your lines.
i'm sorry journal.
i used to write entries, poetry, short stories, epiphanies, dreams...
all in you.
you were never biased or critical.
just open and honest.
and when you kept what i said to yourself, it reminded me of a true friend.
something that's truly hard to find nowadays. you helped me find a creative outlet.
you helped me focus on me.
you made me better.
and i stopped talking to you.
but now, i think i'm back.
(c) ronetta cheryll
we don't talk like we used to.
clear up our feelings like we used to.
chill like we used to.
we barely discuss the events going on in my life, too.
boo.
most of it's my fault.
i'll take all of the blame.
i've preoccupied myself with everything else.
while you've remained the same.
i regret the past few months.
i hang my head in shame.
i need you more than i thought i would at this point.
you always provided a listening ear.
you let me think freely and use my words to express how i felt.
still can't recall why i stopped using you in the first place.
you made everything right.
you straightened up my crookedness.
you let me invent words and use some old ones.
you let me cry on your pages and smile between your lines.
i'm sorry journal.
i used to write entries, poetry, short stories, epiphanies, dreams...
all in you.
you were never biased or critical.
just open and honest.
and when you kept what i said to yourself, it reminded me of a true friend.
something that's truly hard to find nowadays. you helped me find a creative outlet.
you helped me focus on me.
you made me better.
and i stopped talking to you.
but now, i think i'm back.
(c) ronetta cheryll
dear life
things aren't always what they seem...one day you think everything's going the way you planned, the next day the world does this cartwheel and now my face is on the ground. i haven't done a cartwheel in like 5 years. it's strange. life has a very very intriguing way of shaking you up a bit. well i'm pretty shook, and i've never felt so completely tired and lost. not even a 48-hour period of sleep could cure this kind of tired.
everything that glitters isn't gold. which sucks, because i like shimmery things. a lot. probably too much. i have a lot of earrings, too. *kicks dirt*
i'm not in the mood for what i do like anymore...i'm more so concerned with eliminating what i DON'T like, even if that means people. yeah i said it, dang it *stomps foot* and i mean it. if you suck, i am not dealing with you anymore, lol. i hate to sound so middle school-esque, but yeah.
life is a strange, weird, strange, and just weird entity. it isn't something i can even readily fathom. as soon as i feel i've gotten a hold on its infinite concept(s), it does something that i never calculated. random people who have always been around are now taking on new roles in my LIFE. can you not? lol. can you please not do this to me, life? could you just ask first, before you impose your friggin randomness? it's not fair. haha...i made a funny. life isn't fair.
cheers to you, life. *holds up orange juice* you are officially amazing.
an actual lion,
ronetta
(c) ronetta cheryll
everything that glitters isn't gold. which sucks, because i like shimmery things. a lot. probably too much. i have a lot of earrings, too. *kicks dirt*
i'm not in the mood for what i do like anymore...i'm more so concerned with eliminating what i DON'T like, even if that means people. yeah i said it, dang it *stomps foot* and i mean it. if you suck, i am not dealing with you anymore, lol. i hate to sound so middle school-esque, but yeah.
life is a strange, weird, strange, and just weird entity. it isn't something i can even readily fathom. as soon as i feel i've gotten a hold on its infinite concept(s), it does something that i never calculated. random people who have always been around are now taking on new roles in my LIFE. can you not? lol. can you please not do this to me, life? could you just ask first, before you impose your friggin randomness? it's not fair. haha...i made a funny. life isn't fair.
cheers to you, life. *holds up orange juice* you are officially amazing.
an actual lion,
ronetta
(c) ronetta cheryll
a discouraged perfectionist
to whom it may concern;
the road less traveled is so scenic and definitely breathtaking...so many colors and angles...but it's so quiet and sometimes it gets lonely. sometimes i find someone traveling this road, too, and i get the urge to strike up conversation. i'm sorry if i deterred you from your quiet season, it's just that i want to TALK about all this stuff, although i know i'm supposed to be quiet, too. *sigh* it's hard. especially when you're as talkative and easily excited as i am.
i like words. i like to write them. to use them. i like finding new ones (that secretly excites me, don't tell anyone). i like finding ambiguous meanings and contexts for old ones, too. i just like expression. i can't keep how i feel to myself, especially when it's a new, exciting, or even awkward feeling... but i just can't TALK[ugh] right NOW[ugh]...it's weird. i mean, i can try to help, encourage, advise...but i'm not in the spotlight right now...a leo not on stage.
my life's just kinda...going...on some path. and for the first time in the history of life, i have no idea HOW to explain it. it's like seeing a color and not knowing what it is. you see it clearly, but you can't describe it...you may not even know the word of what the color actually is. it's frustrating...because i LOVE this color, but i couldn't tell you which family it's in, or what shade it is, or even if it's conglomerate, primary, or secondary. i'm looking RIGHT at it, and i don't know.
random.
then it dawns on me that maybe i don't need to explain where i am. for once, i don't need to justify myself or my experience to anyone else. if anyone knew just one-third of what i've gone through in the past 3 years, you would wonder 1) how i'm still living and 2) why i chose to live. it is BANANAS.
i'm not going to take this time to explain myself or 'testify' (by the way, i'm SICK of the commerciality of EVERYTHING right now that was created to be pure, especially holidays and religion) about where i've come from...i just want to take this time to say i don't know. and that's okay with me.
weird.
because normally i have to know everything before it happens (impossible) and i panic when something catches me off guard (10.23.09)...then when i finally get used to whatever occurred, i'm either too comfortable or i've missed it altogether.
i'm changing.
it probably won't be sudden or expected...or even conventional. *smiles* but i am changing.
i almost deactivated my fb account...*pause* what?
i've never fathomed humility before...for a long time it was a foreign concept. if i spoke out of turn or was too crass, i'm sorry. i've never apologized for my tongue...i felt...always felt...that i said what i meant to say and it was timely. but that's not true. i'm learning timing now. it's time to just be...and be quiet.
i've been researching some things...and i've had a few dreams...and some people have come and gone...some have remained and i'm grateful. but i love change. just like seasons, people change. i'm changing, so others will, too. *chuckles* and that's growth. and sometimes growth separates.
i can't say how sorry i am for wearing layers in the middle of summer, or tanning in the middle of winter...i hope you can forgive me and see that it's winter and i'm waiting for spring, but while it's winter, i'm wearing my peacoat and scarf. i'm not rushing anything anymore. not speaking too soon, or moving too quickly. whatever it takes to get to where i need (not want) to be, that's what i'll do.
i'm changing from a discouraged perfectionist into a perfectly flawed woman striving for excellence. and i'm sorry.
in hindsight,
ronetta
(c) ronetta cheryll
the road less traveled is so scenic and definitely breathtaking...so many colors and angles...but it's so quiet and sometimes it gets lonely. sometimes i find someone traveling this road, too, and i get the urge to strike up conversation. i'm sorry if i deterred you from your quiet season, it's just that i want to TALK about all this stuff, although i know i'm supposed to be quiet, too. *sigh* it's hard. especially when you're as talkative and easily excited as i am.
i like words. i like to write them. to use them. i like finding new ones (that secretly excites me, don't tell anyone). i like finding ambiguous meanings and contexts for old ones, too. i just like expression. i can't keep how i feel to myself, especially when it's a new, exciting, or even awkward feeling... but i just can't TALK[ugh] right NOW[ugh]...it's weird. i mean, i can try to help, encourage, advise...but i'm not in the spotlight right now...a leo not on stage.
my life's just kinda...going...on some path. and for the first time in the history of life, i have no idea HOW to explain it. it's like seeing a color and not knowing what it is. you see it clearly, but you can't describe it...you may not even know the word of what the color actually is. it's frustrating...because i LOVE this color, but i couldn't tell you which family it's in, or what shade it is, or even if it's conglomerate, primary, or secondary. i'm looking RIGHT at it, and i don't know.
random.
then it dawns on me that maybe i don't need to explain where i am. for once, i don't need to justify myself or my experience to anyone else. if anyone knew just one-third of what i've gone through in the past 3 years, you would wonder 1) how i'm still living and 2) why i chose to live. it is BANANAS.
i'm not going to take this time to explain myself or 'testify' (by the way, i'm SICK of the commerciality of EVERYTHING right now that was created to be pure, especially holidays and religion) about where i've come from...i just want to take this time to say i don't know. and that's okay with me.
weird.
because normally i have to know everything before it happens (impossible) and i panic when something catches me off guard (10.23.09)...then when i finally get used to whatever occurred, i'm either too comfortable or i've missed it altogether.
i'm changing.
it probably won't be sudden or expected...or even conventional. *smiles* but i am changing.
i almost deactivated my fb account...*pause* what?
i've never fathomed humility before...for a long time it was a foreign concept. if i spoke out of turn or was too crass, i'm sorry. i've never apologized for my tongue...i felt...always felt...that i said what i meant to say and it was timely. but that's not true. i'm learning timing now. it's time to just be...and be quiet.
i've been researching some things...and i've had a few dreams...and some people have come and gone...some have remained and i'm grateful. but i love change. just like seasons, people change. i'm changing, so others will, too. *chuckles* and that's growth. and sometimes growth separates.
i can't say how sorry i am for wearing layers in the middle of summer, or tanning in the middle of winter...i hope you can forgive me and see that it's winter and i'm waiting for spring, but while it's winter, i'm wearing my peacoat and scarf. i'm not rushing anything anymore. not speaking too soon, or moving too quickly. whatever it takes to get to where i need (not want) to be, that's what i'll do.
i'm changing from a discouraged perfectionist into a perfectly flawed woman striving for excellence. and i'm sorry.
in hindsight,
ronetta
(c) ronetta cheryll
worth
you go through things
you fight, you scratch
you claw and snatch
and cry and patch things up
and in the end it was all worthwhile...
to start off with the wrong intentions
make sacrifices, draw attention
get caught up in it all and forget to mention
i love you
i'd do anything for you.
for better, for worst
in sickness and in health
'til death do us part?
that's forever...the promise you make with the only person in the world made for you.
and no one said it would be easy
but in the end it was all worthwhile...
can you push the little things aside
go through hell and high water
break your back for love?
because that's what it's about.
it's a fight to the death.
love conquers all because it has never been conquered...it never will be conquered.
it withstands the test of time.
forget all of the menial things in life
forget ring sizes and perfect dresses
forget the drama and the hot messes
forget everything else.
because in the end, it will all be worthwhile.
can you humble yourself to admit a mistake?
can you survive love, when all you have left is a headache?
some debt, some scars, some pains
some aches, some tears, some stains...
does it really matter?
in the end, is it all worthwhile?
to wake up next to the person you see in your dreams
only to realize you're living your dream...
to lose track of time in thoughts of the good times
only to make more come true...
to look at yourself in the mirror and feel incomplete because your reflection doesn't show your soulmate.
to not be able to hear his heartbeat because he is away, and feel like your breathing is altered.
is it worth it?
to shut down when it crumbles in your face and
displace emotions, jumping from one meaningless occurrence to another...
losing yourself in oblivion because you can't cope with the fact that things may never be the same?
was it ever worthwhile?
to cast down pride and present yourself a living sacrifice to love...
to align yourself with the One who created you and is seated above...
to join in covenant with the one who fits you like a glove.
looking back on past mistakes...regrets...
you wouldn't change one thing because the knocks made you stronger
it tested the strength of the union and now the knot is sealed.
individually you both can make it on your own but you don't want to.
you can join hands and look over your shoulders and smile...
the brightest, most luminous, most genuine smile ever.
knowing that you've seen the worst and overcame.
you lived to tell the tale.
and the best is in front of you for you to enjoy as one.
yes.
it was all worthwhile...in the end.
(c) ronetta cheryll
you fight, you scratch
you claw and snatch
and cry and patch things up
and in the end it was all worthwhile...
to start off with the wrong intentions
make sacrifices, draw attention
get caught up in it all and forget to mention
i love you
i'd do anything for you.
for better, for worst
in sickness and in health
'til death do us part?
that's forever...the promise you make with the only person in the world made for you.
and no one said it would be easy
but in the end it was all worthwhile...
can you push the little things aside
go through hell and high water
break your back for love?
because that's what it's about.
it's a fight to the death.
love conquers all because it has never been conquered...it never will be conquered.
it withstands the test of time.
forget all of the menial things in life
forget ring sizes and perfect dresses
forget the drama and the hot messes
forget everything else.
because in the end, it will all be worthwhile.
can you humble yourself to admit a mistake?
can you survive love, when all you have left is a headache?
some debt, some scars, some pains
some aches, some tears, some stains...
does it really matter?
in the end, is it all worthwhile?
to wake up next to the person you see in your dreams
only to realize you're living your dream...
to lose track of time in thoughts of the good times
only to make more come true...
to look at yourself in the mirror and feel incomplete because your reflection doesn't show your soulmate.
to not be able to hear his heartbeat because he is away, and feel like your breathing is altered.
is it worth it?
to shut down when it crumbles in your face and
displace emotions, jumping from one meaningless occurrence to another...
losing yourself in oblivion because you can't cope with the fact that things may never be the same?
was it ever worthwhile?
to cast down pride and present yourself a living sacrifice to love...
to align yourself with the One who created you and is seated above...
to join in covenant with the one who fits you like a glove.
looking back on past mistakes...regrets...
you wouldn't change one thing because the knocks made you stronger
it tested the strength of the union and now the knot is sealed.
individually you both can make it on your own but you don't want to.
you can join hands and look over your shoulders and smile...
the brightest, most luminous, most genuine smile ever.
knowing that you've seen the worst and overcame.
you lived to tell the tale.
and the best is in front of you for you to enjoy as one.
yes.
it was all worthwhile...in the end.
(c) ronetta cheryll
in the darkness
feeling overwhelmed by sudden changes not initiated by me, i find solace in the ability to write. when surrounded by all things out of control and out of my control, i seek answers that no one can provide; i ask questions that may not be fathomed or understood; ultimately, i want a deeper meaning of wisdom, vitality, and livelihood.
a mood sat on me once i cleared my thoughts from today. once empty-headed, i began to write:
**
escape into the darkness
let it consume you like deepest ocean.
run away to the darkness
let it excite you like an epiphany.
confide in the darkness
let it heal you like a shaman.
even hide in the darkness
let it surround you like the omnipresent.
the most beautiful thing about the darkness
is that you can be free in the darkness.
you can spin around in circles until you're dizzy
roll around on the floor
color on the walls you can't see.
there are no shadows in the darkness
no facades.
you are who you are
and i am who i am
in the darkness.
naked, unashamed...
because you can't see me
and i can't see you.
here with all my flaws i can tell you the truth
hiding my face in plain view
in the darkness.
no color, no race
no height, no shape
no ethnicity, no weight
in the darkness.
i can speak freely in the darkness
no need to feel apprehensive or despondent
in the darkness.
prideful, lustful, scarred
emotional, arrested, charred
pensive, tainted, and marred
in the darkness.
feeling lost in the darkness
and somehow found
because i'm not being judged for what is external
but rather appreciated for what is internal
in the darkness.
no need to hide or be shy in the darkness
discover you can fly in the darkness
nocturnality creates unseen symmetry
in the darkness.
passion rises in the darkness and
prejudice dies in the darkness.
the weakest part of me can be strong in the darkness...
and the strongest part can rest peacefully
in the darkness.
true beauty is revealed in the darkness.
with eyes wide open yet still unable to see in the darkness...
i welcome the darkness.
because...
i don't have to see me
in the darkness.
(c) ronetta cheryll
a mood sat on me once i cleared my thoughts from today. once empty-headed, i began to write:
**
escape into the darkness
let it consume you like deepest ocean.
run away to the darkness
let it excite you like an epiphany.
confide in the darkness
let it heal you like a shaman.
even hide in the darkness
let it surround you like the omnipresent.
the most beautiful thing about the darkness
is that you can be free in the darkness.
you can spin around in circles until you're dizzy
roll around on the floor
color on the walls you can't see.
there are no shadows in the darkness
no facades.
you are who you are
and i am who i am
in the darkness.
naked, unashamed...
because you can't see me
and i can't see you.
here with all my flaws i can tell you the truth
hiding my face in plain view
in the darkness.
no color, no race
no height, no shape
no ethnicity, no weight
in the darkness.
i can speak freely in the darkness
no need to feel apprehensive or despondent
in the darkness.
prideful, lustful, scarred
emotional, arrested, charred
pensive, tainted, and marred
in the darkness.
feeling lost in the darkness
and somehow found
because i'm not being judged for what is external
but rather appreciated for what is internal
in the darkness.
no need to hide or be shy in the darkness
discover you can fly in the darkness
nocturnality creates unseen symmetry
in the darkness.
passion rises in the darkness and
prejudice dies in the darkness.
the weakest part of me can be strong in the darkness...
and the strongest part can rest peacefully
in the darkness.
true beauty is revealed in the darkness.
with eyes wide open yet still unable to see in the darkness...
i welcome the darkness.
because...
i don't have to see me
in the darkness.
(c) ronetta cheryll
why me.
all it takes is a mood and a mindset...once i start, i don't stop. my mind is open to so many verbal [and non-verbal] possibilities that one second can produce millions of ideas and concepts...
**
what a beautiful fool i was to think i could be saved from myself.
beautiful because of the originality, creativity, naturality, and singularity of me.
foolish to think i could out-think the way it was meant to be...
ridiculous me.
in an instant i snap to and fro
thoughts of young and aspirations of old
torn in existence deep within my soul...
fickle me.
play me like an acoustic guitar.
each string resounding a different note
all notes contingent upon the angle on which they were provoked.
stroke me softly and i bellow
strum me hard and i silence...
backwards me.
grasping at straws to find the easy way out
when it was meant to be hard.
meant to be.
predestined and chosen.
no fault or choosing of my own but
defaulted and pre-selected.
how fair.
how twistedly cruel and unusual.
how immensely brilliant.
to take me through each storm
but cover me in the shadow of you...
and hide me in the eye of it.
to see the trouble and iniquity all around me
and not be affected...
ungrateful me.
neglectful of what has been bestowed
yet begging for more.
willing to sell my soul for a price so low.
impulsive me.
beating myself up
abusing my intelligence
prostituting my gifts for pennies on the dollar.
who could dream of being worth more than
the weight of the world on my shoulders.
each time i crash
shattering into a million, unrecognizable pieces
you use your pinky finger to restore in seconds
what took me years to ruin.
screwed-up me.
fixing my mishapen being and
molding me into something even i couldn't dream.
thinking of the thought of you makes life seem
so breezy.
and for all that has happened, i know it was only you...
loving me.
(c) ronetta cheryll
**
what a beautiful fool i was to think i could be saved from myself.
beautiful because of the originality, creativity, naturality, and singularity of me.
foolish to think i could out-think the way it was meant to be...
ridiculous me.
in an instant i snap to and fro
thoughts of young and aspirations of old
torn in existence deep within my soul...
fickle me.
play me like an acoustic guitar.
each string resounding a different note
all notes contingent upon the angle on which they were provoked.
stroke me softly and i bellow
strum me hard and i silence...
backwards me.
grasping at straws to find the easy way out
when it was meant to be hard.
meant to be.
predestined and chosen.
no fault or choosing of my own but
defaulted and pre-selected.
how fair.
how twistedly cruel and unusual.
how immensely brilliant.
to take me through each storm
but cover me in the shadow of you...
and hide me in the eye of it.
to see the trouble and iniquity all around me
and not be affected...
ungrateful me.
neglectful of what has been bestowed
yet begging for more.
willing to sell my soul for a price so low.
impulsive me.
beating myself up
abusing my intelligence
prostituting my gifts for pennies on the dollar.
who could dream of being worth more than
the weight of the world on my shoulders.
each time i crash
shattering into a million, unrecognizable pieces
you use your pinky finger to restore in seconds
what took me years to ruin.
screwed-up me.
fixing my mishapen being and
molding me into something even i couldn't dream.
thinking of the thought of you makes life seem
so breezy.
and for all that has happened, i know it was only you...
loving me.
(c) ronetta cheryll
spotlight on: february jones
here are some things fj wrote that i wanted to feature here. be like me and enjoy.
**
four degrees...our separation draws near...our time to a close...trying to outrun limits self imposed for a glimpse at the limitless minds of two, one when in harmony.............
she whispers of the hear, a moment quietly shared...a *snap* and a *cheese* of the genuine...his comes from hers, his photo, her words...her thousand send a million through him, rippling inward, outward, catapulting him to extreme heights...making sense of it all i doze, my sense awakening to a room ripe with chaos subdued through its growth into a world less flat............
a kiss before dying...it would all be worthwhile, as your arms quite the fitting resting place...a kiss before dying, a hug upon my return..........
why is your head lowered? i should kneel to you...your words birthed me, shaping my thoughts through fertile, nubile plains...round the delta of our union...waxing poetic, they flow freely, blood pumping through us, more vital than the air we...breathe with each passing second...gasping as our thoughts overwhelm us... "it is time."
all rights reserved.
**
four degrees...our separation draws near...our time to a close...trying to outrun limits self imposed for a glimpse at the limitless minds of two, one when in harmony.............
she whispers of the hear, a moment quietly shared...a *snap* and a *cheese* of the genuine...his comes from hers, his photo, her words...her thousand send a million through him, rippling inward, outward, catapulting him to extreme heights...making sense of it all i doze, my sense awakening to a room ripe with chaos subdued through its growth into a world less flat............
a kiss before dying...it would all be worthwhile, as your arms quite the fitting resting place...a kiss before dying, a hug upon my return..........
why is your head lowered? i should kneel to you...your words birthed me, shaping my thoughts through fertile, nubile plains...round the delta of our union...waxing poetic, they flow freely, blood pumping through us, more vital than the air we...breathe with each passing second...gasping as our thoughts overwhelm us... "it is time."
all rights reserved.
writing: exercises with fj
this was a writing exercise i tried with february jones to help me write better and express with a little more color than usual... enjoy.
**
ronetta cheryll: Touched by the thought of you, feeling disillusioned whenever you're far... Unrealistic expectations of a love I only imagined... Finding difficulty in merely existing; holding onto sanity with my pinky...
ronetta cheryll: Snapshots just popped in my head...I dunno where they came from.
FJ: gripping the edge of reality...four of my fives attempts to stay strong having weakened my resolve...but a beautiful consolation is you...I lose, but I am also triumphant as you are an amazing loss, a win in defeat...
FJ: (your turn)
FJ: I love how you started...
ronetta cheryll: Even in defeat I am victorious, knowing that being one with you causes triumph; I am triumphant when you win. Although I lose, I win; you are a worthy opponent, one who challenges me to fight against me in order to win you...
FJ: live to fight another day, cooler heads guiding you into the arms of a life less ordinary...through our challenges we stand, falling for no one but ourselves...clinging to the beauty within, our inner depths taking us to new heights...we have never experienced life mercurial...highs today and lows tomorrow...but through the lows we remain high, as nobody is ready for a war of this magnitude...all is fair, as we battle our hearts for control supreme...cooler heads, our brains trumping our beating passions to restore a brief semblance of order...but nature waxes chaotic, as nothing can ever return to its original state...
ronetta cheryll: The agonizing pain from the chaotic state my life is in due to passions unvisited... (I'm playing off your words backwards)... My brain in malfunction because of my heart's pain from the absence of air...oxygen is you...
FJ: a joint embrace, our lips brushing as our souls offer solace...my purpose subtraction through addition, to bring you a renaissance of euphoric bliss, the affliction of your beating love from foolish immature inflictions, the center of your thoughts once again glowing, gilded as ideas cascade through your senses in melodic harmony, a balance of caution and reckless abandon to your dark knight, white garbed and daily in attempts to strengthen you as your inhibitions weaken...a simple true is all that it takes...
ronetta cheryll: I can't keep up...
FJ: Yes you can.
ronetta cheryll: Intimidation sets in as I search for thoughts to mirror yours...to express the way you do...to show how I feel the same way you do...to be just like you...abandoning and forsaking all emotions that cause doubt, I try once more to reach you...
FJ: Your hesitance saddens me, as I will fade into nonexistence...driving blindly, without you to provide light as darkness looms all about...your doubt inspires me to live through you...one day I will be known as you carry me across lines eternal, sands of time giving way to an oasis of birth...your creativity infused with my faith in your glowing warmth and incendiary smile...I allow myself to fall...for you...
ronetta cheryll: Holding my arms out, I allow you to sink into my oblivion...
FJ: sinking, my passage into peaceful oceanic depths I understand her want for simplicity...I, too, yearn to be less confused, the myriad of waves crashing overhead, anxieties overwhelming as underlying tensions threaten to drive further wedges between us...four degrees...altered states denying us refuge as our emotions guide us through everyday monotony and refreshen our slowly waning resolve...we want to carry on...
ronetta cheryll: As you crash into me, I provide solace, a place of warmth and confidence...you rebuild and find strength even in my human weakness, finding yourself winning once again just by losing your footing and falling for me...
FJ: I want, all that I witness through the past, forever frozen in time and ingrained upon my psyche...one word spurring one thousand images as time draws near, an eventual, inevitable chance reaching fruition as two become one, identical snowflakes defying all else in their quest for each other...I am satisfied...still, I must go on...for her, I die everytime, to be revived in her arms, her graces a revelation deeper than once imagined...
all rights reserved.
**
ronetta cheryll: Touched by the thought of you, feeling disillusioned whenever you're far... Unrealistic expectations of a love I only imagined... Finding difficulty in merely existing; holding onto sanity with my pinky...
ronetta cheryll: Snapshots just popped in my head...I dunno where they came from.
FJ: gripping the edge of reality...four of my fives attempts to stay strong having weakened my resolve...but a beautiful consolation is you...I lose, but I am also triumphant as you are an amazing loss, a win in defeat...
FJ: (your turn)
FJ: I love how you started...
ronetta cheryll: Even in defeat I am victorious, knowing that being one with you causes triumph; I am triumphant when you win. Although I lose, I win; you are a worthy opponent, one who challenges me to fight against me in order to win you...
FJ: live to fight another day, cooler heads guiding you into the arms of a life less ordinary...through our challenges we stand, falling for no one but ourselves...clinging to the beauty within, our inner depths taking us to new heights...we have never experienced life mercurial...highs today and lows tomorrow...but through the lows we remain high, as nobody is ready for a war of this magnitude...all is fair, as we battle our hearts for control supreme...cooler heads, our brains trumping our beating passions to restore a brief semblance of order...but nature waxes chaotic, as nothing can ever return to its original state...
ronetta cheryll: The agonizing pain from the chaotic state my life is in due to passions unvisited... (I'm playing off your words backwards)... My brain in malfunction because of my heart's pain from the absence of air...oxygen is you...
FJ: a joint embrace, our lips brushing as our souls offer solace...my purpose subtraction through addition, to bring you a renaissance of euphoric bliss, the affliction of your beating love from foolish immature inflictions, the center of your thoughts once again glowing, gilded as ideas cascade through your senses in melodic harmony, a balance of caution and reckless abandon to your dark knight, white garbed and daily in attempts to strengthen you as your inhibitions weaken...a simple true is all that it takes...
ronetta cheryll: I can't keep up...
FJ: Yes you can.
ronetta cheryll: Intimidation sets in as I search for thoughts to mirror yours...to express the way you do...to show how I feel the same way you do...to be just like you...abandoning and forsaking all emotions that cause doubt, I try once more to reach you...
FJ: Your hesitance saddens me, as I will fade into nonexistence...driving blindly, without you to provide light as darkness looms all about...your doubt inspires me to live through you...one day I will be known as you carry me across lines eternal, sands of time giving way to an oasis of birth...your creativity infused with my faith in your glowing warmth and incendiary smile...I allow myself to fall...for you...
ronetta cheryll: Holding my arms out, I allow you to sink into my oblivion...
FJ: sinking, my passage into peaceful oceanic depths I understand her want for simplicity...I, too, yearn to be less confused, the myriad of waves crashing overhead, anxieties overwhelming as underlying tensions threaten to drive further wedges between us...four degrees...altered states denying us refuge as our emotions guide us through everyday monotony and refreshen our slowly waning resolve...we want to carry on...
ronetta cheryll: As you crash into me, I provide solace, a place of warmth and confidence...you rebuild and find strength even in my human weakness, finding yourself winning once again just by losing your footing and falling for me...
FJ: I want, all that I witness through the past, forever frozen in time and ingrained upon my psyche...one word spurring one thousand images as time draws near, an eventual, inevitable chance reaching fruition as two become one, identical snowflakes defying all else in their quest for each other...I am satisfied...still, I must go on...for her, I die everytime, to be revived in her arms, her graces a revelation deeper than once imagined...
all rights reserved.
dying a slow death
dying a slow death
a very slow death
killing me inside
intoxicated by an overpowering fragrance
apprehensive to do much else than lust
infatuated with the very thought of a possibility
lurking in the shadows of your existence
waiting for the chance to catch a glimpse
my shoulder was brushed and my knees buckled
so inebriated when my eyes are fixed on you
blinded by the radiant glow beneath your skin
passion rises like a volcano from deep within
heart committed to complete the sweetest sin
even if much is required from whom much is given
panicking when i can't see you
distraught even on a good day because you aren't here
not knowing if you understand the severity of what i feel
praying that it's reciprocated
although my best instincts tell me i'm unnoticed
i persevere through droughts of affection and acknowledgement
lonliness and frustration asphyxiate me
craving to be in proximity to you
to breathe the same air you breathe
and see the same sunset you see
i'm dying a slow death
a very slow death...
...i'm dying to love you.
just give me a chance...
(c) ronetta cheryll
a very slow death
killing me inside
intoxicated by an overpowering fragrance
apprehensive to do much else than lust
infatuated with the very thought of a possibility
lurking in the shadows of your existence
waiting for the chance to catch a glimpse
my shoulder was brushed and my knees buckled
so inebriated when my eyes are fixed on you
blinded by the radiant glow beneath your skin
passion rises like a volcano from deep within
heart committed to complete the sweetest sin
even if much is required from whom much is given
panicking when i can't see you
distraught even on a good day because you aren't here
not knowing if you understand the severity of what i feel
praying that it's reciprocated
although my best instincts tell me i'm unnoticed
i persevere through droughts of affection and acknowledgement
lonliness and frustration asphyxiate me
craving to be in proximity to you
to breathe the same air you breathe
and see the same sunset you see
i'm dying a slow death
a very slow death...
...i'm dying to love you.
just give me a chance...
(c) ronetta cheryll
a dream.
coming off of an emotionally unstable period of time, i've found myself on my knees: gathering the pieces of my broken life as if it were delicate seashells scattered upon a coastline. each seashell is attached to a memory, causing me to look at each one nostalgically before i'm able to move on to pick up the next one. so many emotional things have translated into physical hurt--headaches, tension, ulcers... the list goes on, but i find it necessary to stop. dwelling on pain only causes it to persist, and so i move past it; i move on.
i must be here for some great purpose; created for something higher than what i can even fathom. someone omniscient must be behind these happenings in order for good to come from them... because i can't see it. i feel i'm in a constant state of learning. trapped in life's labyrinth of uncertainty and dispair, i am in a perpetual state of seeking validity and truth. where is the truth? someone please tell me the truth! everyday i feel smothered and asphyxiated by yet another lie... i don't believe anything and it's gotten to the point where i believe nothing i hear and only half of what i see. optical illusions permeate reality causing me to doubt even my most dominant sense.
i feel so trapped within myself. like this body i have is only an outershell of who i really am. as i struggle to survive, i question my own sanity... question my purpose... question my existence. the thoughts i think today seem other-worldly; as if my mind is something selestial while my body is temporal. discrepancies overpower actuality and i feel my mind sink into total oblivion. where am i physically versus mentally? can the two be compared, and if so, on what scale? is there a difference between mind and soul? can my reason be deemed invalid by my emotions? can my emotions be deemed illogical by my reason? so many questions plague my mind on an unvarying basis... the same questions in a different form cause me to see the sunrise but on all 360 possible angles.
if only i could remember how to trust again. if i could just get back to mental infancy where i depend totally on someone who is more powerful than me... someone who can protect me from the evil of this world, which is free will. i want to live out my life and discover something new everyday, but i'm stuck in a box in which i've been placed by oppressors.
who is omnipotent enough to save me from myself? does he exist and if so, how did he come to be? i want to meet this being and liken myself to him...
(c) ronetta cheryll
i must be here for some great purpose; created for something higher than what i can even fathom. someone omniscient must be behind these happenings in order for good to come from them... because i can't see it. i feel i'm in a constant state of learning. trapped in life's labyrinth of uncertainty and dispair, i am in a perpetual state of seeking validity and truth. where is the truth? someone please tell me the truth! everyday i feel smothered and asphyxiated by yet another lie... i don't believe anything and it's gotten to the point where i believe nothing i hear and only half of what i see. optical illusions permeate reality causing me to doubt even my most dominant sense.
i feel so trapped within myself. like this body i have is only an outershell of who i really am. as i struggle to survive, i question my own sanity... question my purpose... question my existence. the thoughts i think today seem other-worldly; as if my mind is something selestial while my body is temporal. discrepancies overpower actuality and i feel my mind sink into total oblivion. where am i physically versus mentally? can the two be compared, and if so, on what scale? is there a difference between mind and soul? can my reason be deemed invalid by my emotions? can my emotions be deemed illogical by my reason? so many questions plague my mind on an unvarying basis... the same questions in a different form cause me to see the sunrise but on all 360 possible angles.
if only i could remember how to trust again. if i could just get back to mental infancy where i depend totally on someone who is more powerful than me... someone who can protect me from the evil of this world, which is free will. i want to live out my life and discover something new everyday, but i'm stuck in a box in which i've been placed by oppressors.
who is omnipotent enough to save me from myself? does he exist and if so, how did he come to be? i want to meet this being and liken myself to him...
(c) ronetta cheryll
convince me.
convince me.
there are so many other fish in the sea.
do you understand that i am a limited commodity?
really.
niggas are seriously fighting to be with me.
and yet i sit you at the top of the tree.
but why?
what in the world do you do for me?
you want to come inside, screw, and leave me.
how in the world does that suit me?
there are too many words in the english language for me to put this simply.
how could you take steps towards having a child, when you still act like a baby?
you must be crazy.
convince me!
if you know you're already the primary
and there isn't even a secondary
why wouldn't you be trying desperately
to be with me?
do you not see the things they all see?
stupidity.
that's a dual diagnoses.
because to overlook what a great woman i be
and then to neglect the greatness within me
is a crime.
so don't waste my time, b.
don't you see how glorious we really could be?
remove your tunnel vision and focus in order to see clearly.
this right here is a real lady.
so look out for me...........
....or say goodbye to me
for eternity.
(c) ronetta cheryll
there are so many other fish in the sea.
do you understand that i am a limited commodity?
really.
niggas are seriously fighting to be with me.
and yet i sit you at the top of the tree.
but why?
what in the world do you do for me?
you want to come inside, screw, and leave me.
how in the world does that suit me?
there are too many words in the english language for me to put this simply.
how could you take steps towards having a child, when you still act like a baby?
you must be crazy.
convince me!
if you know you're already the primary
and there isn't even a secondary
why wouldn't you be trying desperately
to be with me?
do you not see the things they all see?
stupidity.
that's a dual diagnoses.
because to overlook what a great woman i be
and then to neglect the greatness within me
is a crime.
so don't waste my time, b.
don't you see how glorious we really could be?
remove your tunnel vision and focus in order to see clearly.
this right here is a real lady.
so look out for me...........
....or say goodbye to me
for eternity.
(c) ronetta cheryll
abstract thinking
i came crashing down
back to where i started
i kissed you goodbye
and forgot where the car is
all that seems to be
is no more
and what once was
may become once more
turn me back to what i loved
what was once so pure and real
take me back to the days
when i could explain exactly how i feel
meaningless things have consumed me
spinning me around and around
causing priorities to shift and
relinquish positions of authority to
things that don't matter
it's bad enough i can't think straight
i've lost conscientiousness
i said goodbye
sing me to sleep and
bring me to life
continue to create things that
annihilate strife
balance my equilibrium
look into my eyes
and analyze my soul
see the creation within
and the creator without
blind me with passion for the
highest paying patron
a love so cold could warm even me
fall into my arms and help me be
simple
where am i
influence forms my thoughts
thinking about what's behind my eyes
the sun is blinding my arms and
these shackles are binding my sight
taking over my entire body
the sensitivity of my heart is leaving
me destitute and lonely
let me say what i need to say
let me be who i need to be
let me stay where i need to stay
let me see when i need to see
(c) ronetta cheryll
back to where i started
i kissed you goodbye
and forgot where the car is
all that seems to be
is no more
and what once was
may become once more
turn me back to what i loved
what was once so pure and real
take me back to the days
when i could explain exactly how i feel
meaningless things have consumed me
spinning me around and around
causing priorities to shift and
relinquish positions of authority to
things that don't matter
it's bad enough i can't think straight
i've lost conscientiousness
i said goodbye
sing me to sleep and
bring me to life
continue to create things that
annihilate strife
balance my equilibrium
look into my eyes
and analyze my soul
see the creation within
and the creator without
blind me with passion for the
highest paying patron
a love so cold could warm even me
fall into my arms and help me be
simple
where am i
influence forms my thoughts
thinking about what's behind my eyes
the sun is blinding my arms and
these shackles are binding my sight
taking over my entire body
the sensitivity of my heart is leaving
me destitute and lonely
let me say what i need to say
let me be who i need to be
let me stay where i need to stay
let me see when i need to see
(c) ronetta cheryll
the counter-productive pursuit
i found an old piece laying around and figured i'd post it. enjoy.
**
if i told you how i really feel
you would probably hate me
so i take pride in keeping my
feelings inside in order to save face.
yours, that is.
you look crazy.
telling me this and that
how much you dig him and
how fine he is
and how you're interested.
do you know i'm with him?
do you know we're happy together
and plan to be doing this thing forever?
i thank you for all the nice things you say
how he's just so nice and special
and just thoughts of him help you get through your day
how the mental picutre you have of him soothes you in every way
you should stop and pray...
...to God, that i don't laugh in your face.
yes, he is amazing.
yes, he is quite talented.
and yes, he is easy to love.
i know, because i fell in love with him
and it didn't take much time because of how
wonderful he is
but he is also
very taken.
i love to sit around and entertain
your delusions
we've been cool for a while now
but if your delusions go much further
it may be time for us to have a little sit down
we wanted to keep our relationship a secret
just because of niggas like you
because niggas are never happy
niggas never like to see others' dreams come true
we were meant for each other
and we are loving every minute of this ride
we've been in difficult relationships before
ones where we've tried and tried and tried...
to no avail.
we've been friends for such a long time
and it seemed almost too good to be true
finding someone right in front of your face
someone you get along with; someone who really understands you
you're not gonna come in the middle
and separate what we've worked hard to build
friendship, trust, and ultimately love
those are things i'm not willing to easily relinquish
it's funny to hear you talk about him
in such a way that would make it seem as though he weren't involved
it's a delight that someone else finds him
just as remarkable as i do.
you can say whatever you like
you can parade around and not even care
but i promise you if you take it a step further
i will be certain to make you aware.
he is the rib from which i was created
and he feels i am an extension of him
so he gives me the complete and total authority
to break you down on a whim
we will do what it takes to make this work
we have the basis down to a science
we're always praying and reading our words
together
so we can reinforce each others' strength
there's not much more i can say
i will continue to let you speak
i just had to write this letter to get this off my chest
although the contents may seem bleak
i'll even encourage you to approach him
although i know you don't have the balls for that
i know you don't deal with rejection well
and i'm just fine with that;
he's much too sweet to embarrass you anyway.
continue to entertain me with whatever tickles your fancy.
i'll always be a listening ear.
and you'll always be a story
for him and me to share.
(c) ronetta cheryll
**
if i told you how i really feel
you would probably hate me
so i take pride in keeping my
feelings inside in order to save face.
yours, that is.
you look crazy.
telling me this and that
how much you dig him and
how fine he is
and how you're interested.
do you know i'm with him?
do you know we're happy together
and plan to be doing this thing forever?
i thank you for all the nice things you say
how he's just so nice and special
and just thoughts of him help you get through your day
how the mental picutre you have of him soothes you in every way
you should stop and pray...
...to God, that i don't laugh in your face.
yes, he is amazing.
yes, he is quite talented.
and yes, he is easy to love.
i know, because i fell in love with him
and it didn't take much time because of how
wonderful he is
but he is also
very taken.
i love to sit around and entertain
your delusions
we've been cool for a while now
but if your delusions go much further
it may be time for us to have a little sit down
we wanted to keep our relationship a secret
just because of niggas like you
because niggas are never happy
niggas never like to see others' dreams come true
we were meant for each other
and we are loving every minute of this ride
we've been in difficult relationships before
ones where we've tried and tried and tried...
to no avail.
we've been friends for such a long time
and it seemed almost too good to be true
finding someone right in front of your face
someone you get along with; someone who really understands you
you're not gonna come in the middle
and separate what we've worked hard to build
friendship, trust, and ultimately love
those are things i'm not willing to easily relinquish
it's funny to hear you talk about him
in such a way that would make it seem as though he weren't involved
it's a delight that someone else finds him
just as remarkable as i do.
you can say whatever you like
you can parade around and not even care
but i promise you if you take it a step further
i will be certain to make you aware.
he is the rib from which i was created
and he feels i am an extension of him
so he gives me the complete and total authority
to break you down on a whim
we will do what it takes to make this work
we have the basis down to a science
we're always praying and reading our words
together
so we can reinforce each others' strength
there's not much more i can say
i will continue to let you speak
i just had to write this letter to get this off my chest
although the contents may seem bleak
i'll even encourage you to approach him
although i know you don't have the balls for that
i know you don't deal with rejection well
and i'm just fine with that;
he's much too sweet to embarrass you anyway.
continue to entertain me with whatever tickles your fancy.
i'll always be a listening ear.
and you'll always be a story
for him and me to share.
(c) ronetta cheryll
love...tonight.
taste just a little bit of my love
sweet, succulent, sacred
something you know you want to taste.
just a little bit
of my love............
so easy to overindulge
no condiments needed
all it takes is a short ride downtown so
make sure you drive your best whip tonight.
dive right into my love
subterranean, saturated, severe
make sure you test the waters before you
dive right into my love
if you test them correctly
the waters become deeper so
make sure you wear your best goggles tonight.
tread a little bit in my love
surreal, sensational, serene
the temperature's just right and you could
tread all night in my love
you could easily wear out your welcome
in this love of mine so
be sure to bring your best pajamas tonight.
stay a little longer in my love
stay, settle in, sleep
just don't yawn in my love
interrogate my love so you can
penetrate my love
you'd be wrong if you didn't become acquainted
before you came into my love so
be sure to buy a raincoat tonight.
what are you going to do with my love?
serenade it? stroke it? steal it?
my love likes a good singer
it's not that easy to steal my love
but there's an art to stroking my love so
choose wisely tonight.
(c) ronetta cheryll
sweet, succulent, sacred
something you know you want to taste.
just a little bit
of my love............
so easy to overindulge
no condiments needed
all it takes is a short ride downtown so
make sure you drive your best whip tonight.
dive right into my love
subterranean, saturated, severe
make sure you test the waters before you
dive right into my love
if you test them correctly
the waters become deeper so
make sure you wear your best goggles tonight.
tread a little bit in my love
surreal, sensational, serene
the temperature's just right and you could
tread all night in my love
you could easily wear out your welcome
in this love of mine so
be sure to bring your best pajamas tonight.
stay a little longer in my love
stay, settle in, sleep
just don't yawn in my love
interrogate my love so you can
penetrate my love
you'd be wrong if you didn't become acquainted
before you came into my love so
be sure to buy a raincoat tonight.
what are you going to do with my love?
serenade it? stroke it? steal it?
my love likes a good singer
it's not that easy to steal my love
but there's an art to stroking my love so
choose wisely tonight.
(c) ronetta cheryll
shots fired
shots fired.
but the world keeps moving
kinda like i...
like nothing ever happened.
like i never tried or...
no one ever noticed.
so easily misunderstood
that concept
so complicated...
yet so simple.
shots fired.
the impact forces me back
landing flat on my back
once more
but people still... they...
they step over me like
nothing happened.
did i shoot?
did i hit?
did i miss?
i think i closed my eyes when i
shot...
because blindly, i followed you
blind leading the blind
but did you know you were leading me?
did i know i was following you?
or was i just taking the path
i thought i should take for the time being..........
shots fired... once again.
what the heck was i aiming at?
like seriously...did i have a target
or was i in it
for fun?
either way, i'm down 4 bullets and
i don't know how many more i have left.........
what if an emergency arises
and someone steps into the
line of fire..............
attack?
no, i meant ATTACK!
or did i...
was my first instinct correct
or apathetic?
why am i constantly questioning myself?
my judgment
my appearance
my confidence
my intelligence
my humor
my personality
my salvation
my patience
my authority
the list always continues, but...
i'm stopping.
i can't figure that out... it's like...
i don't know...
like i project security
while being standed on the desert island of
insecurity.
it's... it's like...
hmmm...
it's like i portray the most beautiful
picture of confidence
while actually being the epitome of apprehension...
walking
talking
living
breathing
seeing
speaking
sanguine
choleric
oxymoronical contradiction.
that's me....
i don't know whether to feel like i'm complex
or wishy washy.
either way...
i don't know.
shots fired.
crap... i lost count.
but this is fun... i think i'm actually
starting to get someone's attention.
he's looking around and sees
finally
and he might have even heard that shot
because it was really loud
and it echoed.
why do i keep trying?
did i want his attention? or...
was it a figment of my imagination...
or...
am i suffering from delusions of grandeur...
i'm just doing what i want to
at this point... let's see...
shots fired... again.
*giggling*
i got more attention! yesss...
that's definitely a good thing... can't be a
bad thing, you know?
because i'm not obsolete
anymore
and i'm not being overlooked
or overstepped
or crossed.
and i'm talking
walking
breathing
living
singing
shouting
and laughing.
no more uncertainty or
disbelief or
hiding in the shadows of my mind.
still unsure of how many
shots fired...
because everytime i shoot... even though i miss
i get what i want.
isn't that what it's about?
hey... where'd you go? i thought...
i thought you were here for me
with me
that's what you said, right?
right!
answer me!
what did i do wrong?
back to questioning myself...
if i shot 6 times then there's still one in the safety...
so here goes nothing...
shots fired.
my... breath... is...
leaving... me...
i... shot... in... the... dark...
what did i hit?
did i lose my target?
or was my target myself
all along...........................
(c) ronetta cheryll
but the world keeps moving
kinda like i...
like nothing ever happened.
like i never tried or...
no one ever noticed.
so easily misunderstood
that concept
so complicated...
yet so simple.
shots fired.
the impact forces me back
landing flat on my back
once more
but people still... they...
they step over me like
nothing happened.
did i shoot?
did i hit?
did i miss?
i think i closed my eyes when i
shot...
because blindly, i followed you
blind leading the blind
but did you know you were leading me?
did i know i was following you?
or was i just taking the path
i thought i should take for the time being..........
shots fired... once again.
what the heck was i aiming at?
like seriously...did i have a target
or was i in it
for fun?
either way, i'm down 4 bullets and
i don't know how many more i have left.........
what if an emergency arises
and someone steps into the
line of fire..............
attack?
no, i meant ATTACK!
or did i...
was my first instinct correct
or apathetic?
why am i constantly questioning myself?
my judgment
my appearance
my confidence
my intelligence
my humor
my personality
my salvation
my patience
my authority
the list always continues, but...
i'm stopping.
i can't figure that out... it's like...
i don't know...
like i project security
while being standed on the desert island of
insecurity.
it's... it's like...
hmmm...
it's like i portray the most beautiful
picture of confidence
while actually being the epitome of apprehension...
walking
talking
living
breathing
seeing
speaking
sanguine
choleric
oxymoronical contradiction.
that's me....
i don't know whether to feel like i'm complex
or wishy washy.
either way...
i don't know.
shots fired.
crap... i lost count.
but this is fun... i think i'm actually
starting to get someone's attention.
he's looking around and sees
finally
and he might have even heard that shot
because it was really loud
and it echoed.
why do i keep trying?
did i want his attention? or...
was it a figment of my imagination...
or...
am i suffering from delusions of grandeur...
i'm just doing what i want to
at this point... let's see...
shots fired... again.
*giggling*
i got more attention! yesss...
that's definitely a good thing... can't be a
bad thing, you know?
because i'm not obsolete
anymore
and i'm not being overlooked
or overstepped
or crossed.
and i'm talking
walking
breathing
living
singing
shouting
and laughing.
no more uncertainty or
disbelief or
hiding in the shadows of my mind.
still unsure of how many
shots fired...
because everytime i shoot... even though i miss
i get what i want.
isn't that what it's about?
hey... where'd you go? i thought...
i thought you were here for me
with me
that's what you said, right?
right!
answer me!
what did i do wrong?
back to questioning myself...
if i shot 6 times then there's still one in the safety...
so here goes nothing...
shots fired.
my... breath... is...
leaving... me...
i... shot... in... the... dark...
what did i hit?
did i lose my target?
or was my target myself
all along...........................
(c) ronetta cheryll
am i wrong...again?
these are just some more of my random thoughts i decided i'd put to a poetic tone because it's more fun to read in that literary form. no topic, well, kinda... but no person(s) in particular... just writing what i'm sure every female goes through sometimes... even day to day. read, comment, repost, critique, whatever u feel is cool with me.
**
i mean, it's like..........
i think it could be the
right thing
and then you go and.................... ugh
are you kidding me?
are you misleading me?
are you loving me?
are you leaving me?
you don't know what you
do to me
up
down
around in circles
but i always return to the same...
spot.
frustrating as it sounds
it's like a guilty pleasure.
i know it's probably not good for me
but.......
i want it anyway.
and nobody is going to tell me
i can't have it.
remember when we were younger
and our parents always said, "you can do
anything you want to... be anything you
want to..."?
remember that?
the keyword is want...
and i can't figure out if you are
what i want.
it seems right
it looks right
it even feels right
but is it? and if i'm wrong...............
well, that's not a possibility
at this point.
it's all good when there's
longevity in distance
and technological communication
but it's a slap in the face
otherwise
are you diggin me?
or iggin me?
are you understanding me?
are you watching me?
should anybody ask for me tell them
i'll be right back
in a real short time
it's just that i lost my mind and
i gotta find it...........
are you the reason?
or is she?
why are you indecisive when
i've already made the decision
for you?
how does that work?
it's simple.
or at least, i thought it was.......
and then you go and do something
idiotic
almost like you didn't even
think
before you did it
and you missed out on
thinking about it
while you were doing it
and you probably gave it no
thought, whatsoever
after you did it.
but i digress...
all this
faithfulness
compassion
love
passion
kindness
perseverance
tolerance
patience....... for what?
you to look around
stupidly
like you have no
idea or clue
what day it is
and what you're doing.
that seems to be what you're
best
at doing.
what's so sad is that........................................ i'm the only one
who recognizes your full potential.............. because clearly; you don't.
i tried to be blind to your game
i shoulda left your side in the first place.
but.........here i am. showing
you, once again
that i can't just
quit
that easily. i don't just
give up that quickly.
if i stop
i'll be letting myself down.............but ironically, i'm not even really
doing anything...
i'm just being the same me i've been
for a while now.......i just don't like anyone else.
that's all.
and i think that's what probably
sucks the most.
(c) ronetta cheryll
**
i mean, it's like..........
i think it could be the
right thing
and then you go and.................... ugh
are you kidding me?
are you misleading me?
are you loving me?
are you leaving me?
you don't know what you
do to me
up
down
around in circles
but i always return to the same...
spot.
frustrating as it sounds
it's like a guilty pleasure.
i know it's probably not good for me
but.......
i want it anyway.
and nobody is going to tell me
i can't have it.
remember when we were younger
and our parents always said, "you can do
anything you want to... be anything you
want to..."?
remember that?
the keyword is want...
and i can't figure out if you are
what i want.
it seems right
it looks right
it even feels right
but is it? and if i'm wrong...............
well, that's not a possibility
at this point.
it's all good when there's
longevity in distance
and technological communication
but it's a slap in the face
otherwise
are you diggin me?
or iggin me?
are you understanding me?
are you watching me?
should anybody ask for me tell them
i'll be right back
in a real short time
it's just that i lost my mind and
i gotta find it...........
are you the reason?
or is she?
why are you indecisive when
i've already made the decision
for you?
how does that work?
it's simple.
or at least, i thought it was.......
and then you go and do something
idiotic
almost like you didn't even
think
before you did it
and you missed out on
thinking about it
while you were doing it
and you probably gave it no
thought, whatsoever
after you did it.
but i digress...
all this
faithfulness
compassion
love
passion
kindness
perseverance
tolerance
patience....... for what?
you to look around
stupidly
like you have no
idea or clue
what day it is
and what you're doing.
that seems to be what you're
best
at doing.
what's so sad is that........................................ i'm the only one
who recognizes your full potential.............. because clearly; you don't.
i tried to be blind to your game
i shoulda left your side in the first place.
but.........here i am. showing
you, once again
that i can't just
quit
that easily. i don't just
give up that quickly.
if i stop
i'll be letting myself down.............but ironically, i'm not even really
doing anything...
i'm just being the same me i've been
for a while now.......i just don't like anyone else.
that's all.
and i think that's what probably
sucks the most.
(c) ronetta cheryll
i never imagined
i never could have predicted
that i'd feel this way
the seconds
minutes
hours
days
weeks and months
that go by without seeing
you... hurt
devastation mixes with pride
causing me to be silent
and not seek you
like i probably should
and you're not even that far away
so i just feel stupid
but...
i wonder if these are your thoughts
am i reading your mind
and speaking from your heart?
is it obligatory for you to
worry about me or
wonder what i'm doing?
even now, i know you're busy
doing what you do every single day
but in the midst of all that
do you stop to remember me?
and...
there's a longing in my heart to be with you
all the time, 24/7/365
at times i feel this may be
impossible
unattainable
physically
your melody plays on my heartstrings
constantly
invariably
unvaryingly
to the point where i know when the
refrain is over and when it will
restart... i miss you
still...
each time i stop to think about you
your smell
your ambiance
your dedication
your perseverance
your talent
your faithfulness
your beauty
your masculinity
cold and hot overtake me
simultaneously
and i don't know if i should
zip up
or peel off...............
and because i can't see you right now
it hurts even more
every little bit hurts...
you still have that starting effect on me
you amaze me
astonish me
captivate me
astound me
shock me
excite me
arouse me
and even dumbfound me
because each time we
share a glance
a smile
an embrace
i feel something new
something i've never felt with anyone else
ever
do you ever wake up reaching out
for me?
does your heart miss the magnetic attraction
to mine?
are you weakened when i'm not around?
love is for us
it's there but somewhat unrecognized
how will it be discovered
if i can't seem to get over the fact
that i'm not with you...
that we're not together... but are we?
(c) ronetta cheryll
that i'd feel this way
the seconds
minutes
hours
days
weeks and months
that go by without seeing
you... hurt
devastation mixes with pride
causing me to be silent
and not seek you
like i probably should
and you're not even that far away
so i just feel stupid
but...
i wonder if these are your thoughts
am i reading your mind
and speaking from your heart?
is it obligatory for you to
worry about me or
wonder what i'm doing?
even now, i know you're busy
doing what you do every single day
but in the midst of all that
do you stop to remember me?
and...
there's a longing in my heart to be with you
all the time, 24/7/365
at times i feel this may be
impossible
unattainable
physically
your melody plays on my heartstrings
constantly
invariably
unvaryingly
to the point where i know when the
refrain is over and when it will
restart... i miss you
still...
each time i stop to think about you
your smell
your ambiance
your dedication
your perseverance
your talent
your faithfulness
your beauty
your masculinity
cold and hot overtake me
simultaneously
and i don't know if i should
zip up
or peel off...............
and because i can't see you right now
it hurts even more
every little bit hurts...
you still have that starting effect on me
you amaze me
astonish me
captivate me
astound me
shock me
excite me
arouse me
and even dumbfound me
because each time we
share a glance
a smile
an embrace
i feel something new
something i've never felt with anyone else
ever
do you ever wake up reaching out
for me?
does your heart miss the magnetic attraction
to mine?
are you weakened when i'm not around?
love is for us
it's there but somewhat unrecognized
how will it be discovered
if i can't seem to get over the fact
that i'm not with you...
that we're not together... but are we?
(c) ronetta cheryll
necessary
my heart is so consumed with adoration for him
a big space in my heart is reserved just for the way i feel about him
sometimes i think he takes it for granted, but deep down he knows he feels this way, too
and it sucks because the hours spent without him are empty and full of frustration
the days i wait until i can be in his presence again are full of anticipation and excitement...
like the very first day of school... or the first time you learn to ride a bike...
with him i feel pure... i feel brand new... i feel like a kid again... innocent...
all these emotions run through me and all roads end in the pit of my stomach... butterflies...
and sometimes i don't know who to tell
because he already knows i'm shy and
very accustomed to the old-fashioned way of courting
but i want to tell him...
can i trust my sister with this?
will my sister be there to listen and advise me...
or will i be betrayed by exposing my heart for him?
i think of ways i can show him how much i care
but does he really see me?
i go put on my good clothes and
i sing and dance (like brandy says) but,
does he appreciate the way i do small, meaningful things for him?
i don't know...
my reserved demeanor won't let the bold me step out and try...
i treat him like i treat others like him so there's still
room for doubt...
still time for him to become skeptic...
how do i show him he's #1 without telling him...
just the thought of him knowing makes me feel like a newborn...
most comfortable in the fetal position because i'm
exposed any other way...
do i really have to tell him;
...or does he already know?
does he think of me when i'm thinking of him...
is his heart consumed with adoration for me...
how far will he go for me...
what would he risk for me...
these are all questions racing in my mind...
is he afraid i'm not interested
or...
does he think i belong to someone else?
it's just his fragrance when he
enters the room that makes my knees
tremble...
what's it called?
and the way i feel when he
wraps his arms around me...
he makes me feel safe...
like that's where i could spend the rest
of my life.
i save all my free time for things
that include him...
and i secretly hope he gets as excited to see me
as i am to see him...
on any occasion...
does anyone around notice the chemistry between us...
do they care enough to push us together or...
or... do they like him better when he's unsure of me?
"it's all because i love you, i do
got to be necessary to you;
hope your eyes are wide open, you'll see
that your love is necessary to me."
-brandy: necessary (afrodisiac)
(c) ronetta cheryll
a big space in my heart is reserved just for the way i feel about him
sometimes i think he takes it for granted, but deep down he knows he feels this way, too
and it sucks because the hours spent without him are empty and full of frustration
the days i wait until i can be in his presence again are full of anticipation and excitement...
like the very first day of school... or the first time you learn to ride a bike...
with him i feel pure... i feel brand new... i feel like a kid again... innocent...
all these emotions run through me and all roads end in the pit of my stomach... butterflies...
and sometimes i don't know who to tell
because he already knows i'm shy and
very accustomed to the old-fashioned way of courting
but i want to tell him...
can i trust my sister with this?
will my sister be there to listen and advise me...
or will i be betrayed by exposing my heart for him?
i think of ways i can show him how much i care
but does he really see me?
i go put on my good clothes and
i sing and dance (like brandy says) but,
does he appreciate the way i do small, meaningful things for him?
i don't know...
my reserved demeanor won't let the bold me step out and try...
i treat him like i treat others like him so there's still
room for doubt...
still time for him to become skeptic...
how do i show him he's #1 without telling him...
just the thought of him knowing makes me feel like a newborn...
most comfortable in the fetal position because i'm
exposed any other way...
do i really have to tell him;
...or does he already know?
does he think of me when i'm thinking of him...
is his heart consumed with adoration for me...
how far will he go for me...
what would he risk for me...
these are all questions racing in my mind...
is he afraid i'm not interested
or...
does he think i belong to someone else?
it's just his fragrance when he
enters the room that makes my knees
tremble...
what's it called?
and the way i feel when he
wraps his arms around me...
he makes me feel safe...
like that's where i could spend the rest
of my life.
i save all my free time for things
that include him...
and i secretly hope he gets as excited to see me
as i am to see him...
on any occasion...
does anyone around notice the chemistry between us...
do they care enough to push us together or...
or... do they like him better when he's unsure of me?
"it's all because i love you, i do
got to be necessary to you;
hope your eyes are wide open, you'll see
that your love is necessary to me."
-brandy: necessary (afrodisiac)
(c) ronetta cheryll
free
the air i breathe
comes freely
the steps i take on a one way path
are solely for me
the benefit of all limbs
hands and feet
ten fingers and ten toes
didn’t come so easily
as many suppose
i spent so long waiting
being developed
walking on a one way path
before i got here, i was there
and now that i’m here
there is another place to where
i must travel
the air i breathe
comes
freely
and the steps
i take on a one way path
are
solely for me
and me only
the benefit of ears and a mouth
to hear first
speak, sing, and shout.
give advice
those things, however, came with a price.
i spent so long
waiting
and waiting
and being developed
and although i was predestined i still
waited
walking on a one way path
one way
no turning back
no time for apprehensions
walking with a purpose.
and before i got here, i was there
and now that i’m here
there is another place to where
i must travel
the air i breathe comes freely.
the steps i take on a one way path are solely for me.
people always say the best things in life are free.
but the struggle i endured to get to see me
proves differently
the ears and mouth on my body
are delicately
tuned to be
able to sing
to be able to hear the key
where my voice should be
is truly
a gift from the ruler of the sea
to be able to use harmony
to set others free
the air i breathe comes freely…
the steps i take on a one way path are solely for me.
people always say the best things in life are free.
but the struggle my ancestors endured for liberty
proves differently
the lives given for me
to be able to see
a day where the word free
is used universally
a day where a black man can win presidentially
a day i can see
that in actuality
the choices i make affect my family
and truthfully
the best things in life aren’t free.
the air i breathe is about the only thing
that comes freely.
and while my breathing
is important to me, so is something else
that’s free.
such an awesome sacrifice was made.
someone paid a priceless debt they didn’t owe.
i am forever in debt to Him and
instead of hanging it over my head
he just loves me.
wants nothing from me.
but for me to be me
and to be happy
in Him alone.
salvation is free for all
but that price was paid back onCalvary .
the air he breathed came freely.
those steps he took on a one way path were but only for He.
the benefit of His obedience
was the creation of me
i once was blind but now i see
he carried a cross and shed His own blood
just to become heavenly
and to eternally live in order to see
the day when we would come to fruition
patiently He waited
and knew all along the day and hour we’d each arrive.
the air he breathed came freely.
those steps he took uphill on a one way path were but only for He.
he could’ve stopped and turned around
not seeing the point or the calling upon His life
but he listened with the ears first
and communicated with His Father
about his own apprehensions.
how selfish am i to think that the struggles i deal with daily
could ever amount to what he endured for me?
how rude of me to feel justified in complaining
about anything.
hindsight is always twenty-twenty
and comes in handy at times like these.
when i screw everything up and find myself backed against a wall.
You’re always the first person on my list i seem to call.
and while it’s unfair to you
you continue to answer me.
for free.
(c) ronetta cheryll
comes freely
the steps i take on a one way path
are solely for me
the benefit of all limbs
hands and feet
ten fingers and ten toes
didn’t come so easily
as many suppose
i spent so long waiting
being developed
walking on a one way path
before i got here, i was there
and now that i’m here
there is another place to where
i must travel
the air i breathe
comes
freely
and the steps
i take on a one way path
are
solely for me
and me only
the benefit of ears and a mouth
to hear first
speak, sing, and shout.
give advice
those things, however, came with a price.
i spent so long
waiting
and waiting
and being developed
and although i was predestined i still
waited
walking on a one way path
one way
no turning back
no time for apprehensions
walking with a purpose.
and before i got here, i was there
and now that i’m here
there is another place to where
i must travel
the air i breathe comes freely.
the steps i take on a one way path are solely for me.
people always say the best things in life are free.
but the struggle i endured to get to see me
proves differently
the ears and mouth on my body
are delicately
tuned to be
able to sing
to be able to hear the key
where my voice should be
is truly
a gift from the ruler of the sea
to be able to use harmony
to set others free
the air i breathe comes freely…
the steps i take on a one way path are solely for me.
people always say the best things in life are free.
but the struggle my ancestors endured for liberty
proves differently
the lives given for me
to be able to see
a day where the word free
is used universally
a day where a black man can win presidentially
a day i can see
that in actuality
the choices i make affect my family
and truthfully
the best things in life aren’t free.
the air i breathe is about the only thing
that comes freely.
and while my breathing
is important to me, so is something else
that’s free.
such an awesome sacrifice was made.
someone paid a priceless debt they didn’t owe.
i am forever in debt to Him and
instead of hanging it over my head
he just loves me.
wants nothing from me.
but for me to be me
and to be happy
in Him alone.
salvation is free for all
but that price was paid back on
the air he breathed came freely.
those steps he took on a one way path were but only for He.
the benefit of His obedience
was the creation of me
i once was blind but now i see
he carried a cross and shed His own blood
just to become heavenly
and to eternally live in order to see
the day when we would come to fruition
patiently He waited
and knew all along the day and hour we’d each arrive.
the air he breathed came freely.
those steps he took uphill on a one way path were but only for He.
he could’ve stopped and turned around
not seeing the point or the calling upon His life
but he listened with the ears first
and communicated with His Father
about his own apprehensions.
how selfish am i to think that the struggles i deal with daily
could ever amount to what he endured for me?
how rude of me to feel justified in complaining
about anything.
hindsight is always twenty-twenty
and comes in handy at times like these.
when i screw everything up and find myself backed against a wall.
You’re always the first person on my list i seem to call.
and while it’s unfair to you
you continue to answer me.
for free.
(c) ronetta cheryll
a resistant soulmate
as much as i can’t stand it
you’re the one for me
i try so hard to suppress my emotions
but i wear my heart on my sleeve
unintentionally
every time i see you
it’s a feeling i can’t describe
for so long i’ve been in denial
not even convinced if i were bribed
i’ve been down this emotional path
a time before, maybe two
and as soon as i go on a few random dates, thinking it was over
i turn right back to you
i hate it!
it’s so confusing the way my mind plays tricks
but the love i feel for you inside
weighs on my heart like a ton of bricks
you need to stop making me feel like this!
you probably don’t do it on purpose
i’d be giving you too much credit if i said you planned it
just your persona and aura makes me weak
and for real, i can’t stand it.
unhand me, sir.
i’m asking you nicely.
release my emotions
back into the depths of the sea.
effortlessly
you received them
unfairly you kept yours hidden
i felt like i was on a one way street
while you waited jokingly at the other end.
don’t pretend
that you didn’t feel the chemistry between us
when we first laid eyes on each other.
you learned i was a few years younger
but the love you felt for me you never felt for another.
you discovered
we were a lot alike
just from the interactions we had
and the cute ways we laughed at each other’s jokes
made all the other chicks mad
too bad!
i knew all along this day would come
and i’d be lying if i didn’t say i was proud
but the amount of time it took to get here
shouldn’t have been allowed.
two stubborn people
with independent minds of our own
we dated around and met some cool people
but because we weren’t together, i was really blown.
is it because of your beautiful brown skin?
or is it your thick, curled eye lashes?
it may even be your perfect white teeth,
but no matter the situation i get hot flashes.
maybe it’s your kind heart
or the gentle words you say
to make people feel welcome and loved
in every single way.
maybe it’s your quirky personality
no one sees you like i do
maybe it’s how i miss you when we’re not together
and my whole world turns misty blue.
you mean so much to me
i could become undignified.
is it the way you love me?
just writing this about you makes me teary eyed
i think of you nostalgically
as if we were together in another life
like maybe then we were lovers
you were my husband and i was your wife
this just isn’t right
it’s some type of sick joke fate is playing on us
we know we belong together
marriage, kids, and such.
you help me be a better person
i help you organize your thoughts
together we’re unstoppable
but only one of us can be ‘the boss.’
i submit, because that’s the order.
what i have is yours, and what’s yours is mine
i’m nothing but willing to share
in order to watch our fruit blossom from one vine.
we are one
from now until forever
i’ll do whatever i can to see you prosper
and give up on us, never.
i promise to protect your heart
because i am your rib
i will shield your emotional being
like a baby is shielded by a crib
i will honor and always trust you
to make decisions on my behalf
i know we’ll make mistakes
but at least we’ll be able to look back and laugh
you are my one and only, babe
i was made for you and you for me
so on this day I surrender myself
and vow to love you unconditionally.
in sickness and health
till death do we part
may the story of our love
truly be God’s best work of art.
you are a wonderful man
i love you, and i always will.
cherish every moment we have together
because time never stands still.
you’ll always be the one for me
and i’ll always be the one for you
so no matter what happens in this life
just remember: all that matters are we two.
best friends became husband and wife
mister and misses however, whatever, whenever
i got your back for real
and that’s a responsibility i treasure
we have the future ahead of us
and after all that we’ve been through
we deserve to be together
there’s no stopping me and you.
(c) ronetta cheryll
you’re the one for me
i try so hard to suppress my emotions
but i wear my heart on my sleeve
unintentionally
every time i see you
it’s a feeling i can’t describe
for so long i’ve been in denial
not even convinced if i were bribed
i’ve been down this emotional path
a time before, maybe two
and as soon as i go on a few random dates, thinking it was over
i turn right back to you
i hate it!
it’s so confusing the way my mind plays tricks
but the love i feel for you inside
weighs on my heart like a ton of bricks
you need to stop making me feel like this!
you probably don’t do it on purpose
i’d be giving you too much credit if i said you planned it
just your persona and aura makes me weak
and for real, i can’t stand it.
unhand me, sir.
i’m asking you nicely.
release my emotions
back into the depths of the sea.
effortlessly
you received them
unfairly you kept yours hidden
i felt like i was on a one way street
while you waited jokingly at the other end.
don’t pretend
that you didn’t feel the chemistry between us
when we first laid eyes on each other.
you learned i was a few years younger
but the love you felt for me you never felt for another.
you discovered
we were a lot alike
just from the interactions we had
and the cute ways we laughed at each other’s jokes
made all the other chicks mad
too bad!
i knew all along this day would come
and i’d be lying if i didn’t say i was proud
but the amount of time it took to get here
shouldn’t have been allowed.
two stubborn people
with independent minds of our own
we dated around and met some cool people
but because we weren’t together, i was really blown.
is it because of your beautiful brown skin?
or is it your thick, curled eye lashes?
it may even be your perfect white teeth,
but no matter the situation i get hot flashes.
maybe it’s your kind heart
or the gentle words you say
to make people feel welcome and loved
in every single way.
maybe it’s your quirky personality
no one sees you like i do
maybe it’s how i miss you when we’re not together
and my whole world turns misty blue.
you mean so much to me
i could become undignified.
is it the way you love me?
just writing this about you makes me teary eyed
i think of you nostalgically
as if we were together in another life
like maybe then we were lovers
you were my husband and i was your wife
this just isn’t right
it’s some type of sick joke fate is playing on us
we know we belong together
marriage, kids, and such.
you help me be a better person
i help you organize your thoughts
together we’re unstoppable
but only one of us can be ‘the boss.’
i submit, because that’s the order.
what i have is yours, and what’s yours is mine
i’m nothing but willing to share
in order to watch our fruit blossom from one vine.
we are one
from now until forever
i’ll do whatever i can to see you prosper
and give up on us, never.
i promise to protect your heart
because i am your rib
i will shield your emotional being
like a baby is shielded by a crib
i will honor and always trust you
to make decisions on my behalf
i know we’ll make mistakes
but at least we’ll be able to look back and laugh
you are my one and only, babe
i was made for you and you for me
so on this day I surrender myself
and vow to love you unconditionally.
in sickness and health
till death do we part
may the story of our love
truly be God’s best work of art.
you are a wonderful man
i love you, and i always will.
cherish every moment we have together
because time never stands still.
you’ll always be the one for me
and i’ll always be the one for you
so no matter what happens in this life
just remember: all that matters are we two.
best friends became husband and wife
mister and misses however, whatever, whenever
i got your back for real
and that’s a responsibility i treasure
we have the future ahead of us
and after all that we’ve been through
we deserve to be together
there’s no stopping me and you.
(c) ronetta cheryll
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