alright! it's august 21, and so much has changed since the last time i wrote.
for starters, i am single. it was a steady progression of undoing between jesse and i, and while i can't say i was thrilled about it when it happened, i can honestly say that i am very happy where i am right now. i'm a lot less stressed. jesse and i are still friends, and i definitely feel the split was for the best.
i've been excelling more at work, but i'm still unsatisfied with working for the current managers i have. needless to say, my resume is active.
my dad and i haven't spoken in over a year. at first, i was clicking my heels. now i miss him.
i feel like things have really been turned upside down! i have been doing some of the things on my 52 in 52 list, but there is a HUGE part of me that feels this blog is somewhat outdated/irrelevant now. maybe i should just STOP blogging until i'm more stable, you know? like married, living where i'm going to be living, etc. at least the characters in the story wouldn't change, lol.
i've got a couple new friends, my goddaughter is still awesome (lots of updates there; she's going into 2nd grade), a new nephew (he's turning 7 in september, and he is amazing), my cousin got married (this is only the 3rd marriage of my first cousins, all of the older cousins are still NOT married)...just lots of updates and changes and lots of big steps forward.
i think i'm going to start another blog and leave this one the way it is...for archive purposes. :)
more later...
8.21.2012
4.10.2012
finally...
i finally feel like i can write now.
right now.
the past few months have been a damn doozy, to say the freaking least (lol). i haven't posted anything since january 13. i guess i could blame a lot of things for that, but instead, blanketed, i was just tired. i wasn't resting well, my knee felt like it wasn't improving, and things were just not right.
jesse and i celebrated 2 years on february 7. we broke up on march 16. the weeks leading up to the breakup weren't the best. our communication was suffering, we were both on different pages, it was best for us to stop. i didn't want us to end up hating each other, altogether, so we agreed on a break.
surprisingly, i'm feeling pretty awesome since then. i'm doing a lot more things just for me, as the mood strikes--whether it's taking a different route home, walking until my knee feels like it's going to fall off or taking a shot on my lunch break, lol. i have been enjoying my life and the freedom i have doing whatever i want, when the mood hits me. i just focus on me and making myself a better person. i don't have to worry about anyone else or focus on what they're doing/not doing. it's been pretty cool so far.
work has been...a mess. my managers really make me wonder if they're aliens or demon-possessed. just very...off...a lot. i should work for myself, permanently.
i've been doing some reflecting, more working out, more meditating, etc...and it's been great. i want to be a much better person, just for me. and that's where i start--finding things i want to change about myself, and actually working towards changing them.
it's been pretty good.
right now.
the past few months have been a damn doozy, to say the freaking least (lol). i haven't posted anything since january 13. i guess i could blame a lot of things for that, but instead, blanketed, i was just tired. i wasn't resting well, my knee felt like it wasn't improving, and things were just not right.
jesse and i celebrated 2 years on february 7. we broke up on march 16. the weeks leading up to the breakup weren't the best. our communication was suffering, we were both on different pages, it was best for us to stop. i didn't want us to end up hating each other, altogether, so we agreed on a break.
surprisingly, i'm feeling pretty awesome since then. i'm doing a lot more things just for me, as the mood strikes--whether it's taking a different route home, walking until my knee feels like it's going to fall off or taking a shot on my lunch break, lol. i have been enjoying my life and the freedom i have doing whatever i want, when the mood hits me. i just focus on me and making myself a better person. i don't have to worry about anyone else or focus on what they're doing/not doing. it's been pretty cool so far.
work has been...a mess. my managers really make me wonder if they're aliens or demon-possessed. just very...off...a lot. i should work for myself, permanently.
i've been doing some reflecting, more working out, more meditating, etc...and it's been great. i want to be a much better person, just for me. and that's where i start--finding things i want to change about myself, and actually working towards changing them.
it's been pretty good.
1.13.2012
21. buy an awesome gift for one of my "sisters"
it's a couple of weeks after christmas at this point, but i did get keturah a pretty cool gift.
she's a huge target fan, and a huge scarf fan. so i got her this really pretty earth-toned paisley print scarf and a gift card to target. small, but thoughtful (and apparently i'm really modest, too).
i also got chelsea some pretty cool stuff as well. i mention this because she's my only biological sister.
i actually felt really super awesome by giving these gifts, so i want to do a giveaway!
here are the rules:
1) write an entry about an awesome gift you gave to a loved one.
2) comment back here and let me know so i can read your story.
then, i will do a drawing, and pick one awesome person to win the grand prize!
the winner will get a REALLY cool, small but thoughtful, gift from me (if you're willing to share your mailing address with me), FOR FREE!
i think giving is awesome, and i want to give stuff to you, too. :)
she's a huge target fan, and a huge scarf fan. so i got her this really pretty earth-toned paisley print scarf and a gift card to target. small, but thoughtful (and apparently i'm really modest, too).
i also got chelsea some pretty cool stuff as well. i mention this because she's my only biological sister.
i actually felt really super awesome by giving these gifts, so i want to do a giveaway!
here are the rules:
1) write an entry about an awesome gift you gave to a loved one.
2) comment back here and let me know so i can read your story.
then, i will do a drawing, and pick one awesome person to win the grand prize!
the winner will get a REALLY cool, small but thoughtful, gift from me (if you're willing to share your mailing address with me), FOR FREE!
deadline to give, write entry, and comment back to receive an entry into the giveaway: january 25, 12:00 AM EST (because that's where i am)
i think giving is awesome, and i want to give stuff to you, too. :)
1.03.2012
happy new year
hey buddies,
i wanted to write you guys something heart felt to express how deeply sorry i am for not posting in a couple of weeks.
this holiday season has been one of the more hectic ones in my adult life. i haven't had to gumption or energy to write...well, at all.
a lot of it i can blame on stress, but the majority of it is more than likely because i am in the middle of one of my infamous bouts of depression.
yeah, it really sucks this go-round.
i think it stems back to my last doctor's visit, which was a physical. i had been going to the gym every day for almost a month. i felt great, and i could see the difference in how my clothes fit.
i went to the doctor and noticed that i'd gained 3 pounds. now, this is not a lot of weight to gain, if you're already in a healthy weight range, but i was pushing it already. the doctor sees these 3 pounds and says, "so i want you to focus on weight loss."
if could've shriveled up into a ball and thrown myself into an abyss, i would've done just that. i have never been told i need to try to lose weight--i have always been pretty muscular because of myoverly highly athletic childhood. so that completely blew me.
a week or so before that, and 3 pounds lighter, nothing was said. but throw in the fact that i was doing 80% cardio, light lifting, and a lot of stretching for a straight month, at least 5x/week, i gain three POUNDS and now, all of a sudden, i need to focus on weight loss.
it's still fresh for me, yes.
i don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, thyroid issues, NOTHING. i'm not sick, i don't experience any joint pain that isn't associated with a previous, sports-related injury (i.e. i broke my tailbone about 7 or 8 years ago, and sometimes it is still sore, i tore my MCL in high school and just found out i have a bone spur and arthritis in that knee, i tore my left bicep and rotator cuff in a car accident about 5 years ago--all that crap hurts, it happens), and i don't consume more than 1700 calories per day.
but i need to FOCUS on losing weight.
so i asked for help--since at that point, i was doing pretty much/almost all i could do (except drink a whole lot more water), and was feeling a LOT better, to lose weight. she said, "oh, well i don't know...maybe try weight watchers."
that's all i can really say right now without being pissed off all over again.
needless to say, i abandoned my workout regimen, i started eating on the go more, and guess what? i haven't gained ONE POUND. how freaking stupid is that? how does that even work!?
*straightens clothes, clears throat*
*wipes bang away from face, places head in hands*
i'm frustrated more than i can conceptualize at this point. i'd love to have a personal trainer and nutritionist/dietician to help me, but my insurance doesn't cover those things for weight loss purposes, only if i have diabetes.
i think that's stupid, too.
but i really need help. i feel like everything is falling apart. i feel like nothing i do helps anything, i don't succeed at anything, and nobody is happy with me.
on top of that, my job is beginning to suck monkey balls in ahuge major way. i'm accustomed to office politics; it is what it is. but there's all kinds of tomfoolery that goes on here, and i'm at the point where i don't know how much more of it i can take without going absolutely berserk.
i commute forever to work, and forever back from work, in traffic. i wake up at the butt crack of dawn, when it's still dark outside, and most mornings when i begin my commute, it's still dark outside. that's depressing. when i leave work, it's dark outside. i enjoy NO daylight, whatsoever.
there's no "me" time. there's no peace. there is just nothing but failing, gaining weight, and being miserable.
i'm still working on building my consulting business, kit&caboodle, which is a lot of fun, but again--i have no time for such things (what is fun?). i'm at a stand-still with it. i have almost all the groundwork completed, but i don't have time to market it the way i'd like to market it. i need a website, i need to build a clientele base by NOT annoying people (aka telemarketing, cold calling, or going door to door).
i want prospective clients to feel like they can confide in me for more than just my list of services--you know, i want to be a friend to the businesses i service. i want them to be able to call me for a position they want to fill AND business advice.
but what do you need to be able to market yourself as a business' go-to gal? time.
what am i lacking? time.
i want a new job closer to my house, but i want the same pay or a raise.
OR i want to be able to move closer to my current job (on which the jury is still out, deciding whether or not i LIKE this job enough to relocate and cater to it), and afford housing. i can technically afford it, but i'd have to make serious CUTS on other things, and i'm not sure i'm willing to do that just yet. i'm young, i want to have fun.
but i also don't want to work for someone until i die. i want to work for me, eventually. and MAYBE have one or two other people to work for me, too, like an assistant, and a junior exec/paid intern.
so much.
does anyone have any advice or tips for me? does anyone understand what i'm going through? if you've been through this before, i could really use a tissue and a hug.
i wanted to write you guys something heart felt to express how deeply sorry i am for not posting in a couple of weeks.
this holiday season has been one of the more hectic ones in my adult life. i haven't had to gumption or energy to write...well, at all.
a lot of it i can blame on stress, but the majority of it is more than likely because i am in the middle of one of my infamous bouts of depression.
yeah, it really sucks this go-round.
i think it stems back to my last doctor's visit, which was a physical. i had been going to the gym every day for almost a month. i felt great, and i could see the difference in how my clothes fit.
i went to the doctor and noticed that i'd gained 3 pounds. now, this is not a lot of weight to gain, if you're already in a healthy weight range, but i was pushing it already. the doctor sees these 3 pounds and says, "so i want you to focus on weight loss."
if could've shriveled up into a ball and thrown myself into an abyss, i would've done just that. i have never been told i need to try to lose weight--i have always been pretty muscular because of my
a week or so before that, and 3 pounds lighter, nothing was said. but throw in the fact that i was doing 80% cardio, light lifting, and a lot of stretching for a straight month, at least 5x/week, i gain three POUNDS and now, all of a sudden, i need to focus on weight loss.
it's still fresh for me, yes.
i don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, thyroid issues, NOTHING. i'm not sick, i don't experience any joint pain that isn't associated with a previous, sports-related injury (i.e. i broke my tailbone about 7 or 8 years ago, and sometimes it is still sore, i tore my MCL in high school and just found out i have a bone spur and arthritis in that knee, i tore my left bicep and rotator cuff in a car accident about 5 years ago--all that crap hurts, it happens), and i don't consume more than 1700 calories per day.
but i need to FOCUS on losing weight.
so i asked for help--since at that point, i was doing pretty much/almost all i could do (except drink a whole lot more water), and was feeling a LOT better, to lose weight. she said, "oh, well i don't know...maybe try weight watchers."
that's all i can really say right now without being pissed off all over again.
needless to say, i abandoned my workout regimen, i started eating on the go more, and guess what? i haven't gained ONE POUND. how freaking stupid is that? how does that even work!?
*straightens clothes, clears throat*
*wipes bang away from face, places head in hands*
i'm frustrated more than i can conceptualize at this point. i'd love to have a personal trainer and nutritionist/dietician to help me, but my insurance doesn't cover those things for weight loss purposes, only if i have diabetes.
i think that's stupid, too.
but i really need help. i feel like everything is falling apart. i feel like nothing i do helps anything, i don't succeed at anything, and nobody is happy with me.
on top of that, my job is beginning to suck monkey balls in a
i commute forever to work, and forever back from work, in traffic. i wake up at the butt crack of dawn, when it's still dark outside, and most mornings when i begin my commute, it's still dark outside. that's depressing. when i leave work, it's dark outside. i enjoy NO daylight, whatsoever.
there's no "me" time. there's no peace. there is just nothing but failing, gaining weight, and being miserable.
i'm still working on building my consulting business, kit&caboodle, which is a lot of fun, but again--i have no time for such things (what is fun?). i'm at a stand-still with it. i have almost all the groundwork completed, but i don't have time to market it the way i'd like to market it. i need a website, i need to build a clientele base by NOT annoying people (aka telemarketing, cold calling, or going door to door).
i want prospective clients to feel like they can confide in me for more than just my list of services--you know, i want to be a friend to the businesses i service. i want them to be able to call me for a position they want to fill AND business advice.
but what do you need to be able to market yourself as a business' go-to gal? time.
what am i lacking? time.
i want a new job closer to my house, but i want the same pay or a raise.
OR i want to be able to move closer to my current job (on which the jury is still out, deciding whether or not i LIKE this job enough to relocate and cater to it), and afford housing. i can technically afford it, but i'd have to make serious CUTS on other things, and i'm not sure i'm willing to do that just yet. i'm young, i want to have fun.
but i also don't want to work for someone until i die. i want to work for me, eventually. and MAYBE have one or two other people to work for me, too, like an assistant, and a junior exec/paid intern.
so much.
does anyone have any advice or tips for me? does anyone understand what i'm going through? if you've been through this before, i could really use a tissue and a hug.
12.12.2011
i meant to post this a few weeks ago, but clearly.
everyone gets sick of the thanksgiving turkey pretty quickly. after my first plate, i'm usually over it. so i came up with a couple of ideas to make the turkey more pallatable after the first day of eating it (since clearly, a 15-lb turkey is not being eaten in 1 day, unless you invite 30 people over).
idea #1: turkey legs & wings w/rice in the crock pot.
it really was that simple. i put the 2 legs and the 2 wings in the crock pot with about 6 cups of water, 4 beef bouillon cubes, some onions, some celery, some garlic powder, and let that cook for about an hour, then i added about 2 cups of rice so there would still be broth left over, but the rice would cook in with the turkey flavor.
it turned out well, but people still got sick of it after a couple of servings.
idea #2: pulled turkey salad.
i de-meated the turkey (cut off all the meat), put it in a big bowl, and added relish, mayonnaise, onion, celery, dijon mustard, and some other seasonings to taste, along with boiled egg, and mixed until everything was separated.
this lasted about 4 days before it was almost all gone and everyone was sick of it. but it did turn out really well.
what did you do to finish off your thanksgiving leftovers?
idea #1: turkey legs & wings w/rice in the crock pot.
it really was that simple. i put the 2 legs and the 2 wings in the crock pot with about 6 cups of water, 4 beef bouillon cubes, some onions, some celery, some garlic powder, and let that cook for about an hour, then i added about 2 cups of rice so there would still be broth left over, but the rice would cook in with the turkey flavor.
it turned out well, but people still got sick of it after a couple of servings.
idea #2: pulled turkey salad.
i de-meated the turkey (cut off all the meat), put it in a big bowl, and added relish, mayonnaise, onion, celery, dijon mustard, and some other seasonings to taste, along with boiled egg, and mixed until everything was separated.
this lasted about 4 days before it was almost all gone and everyone was sick of it. but it did turn out really well.
what did you do to finish off your thanksgiving leftovers?
19. go to bed at 9:15 pm
inadvertently, i went to bed at 9:15 last night. while my body does feel pretty good, i can honestly say, i would still like to get right back in bed and go right back to sleep. it's sad.
this weekend was pretty cool, though. saturday i did nothing pretty much all day and it was awesome. later, i went to jesse's and hung out for a bit, then went back home. i did my mom's hair, then i went to bed relatively early.
maybe my body is getting old or something. there once was a time that i wouldn't have dreamed of going to bed before 11, because i was at work. or because i had just gotten off work. or because it was too early. now, if i could get in bed at 5:30 pm and sleep until 5:30 am, i would do it. i love sleep. i hate when i miss out on it.
sunday i picked up around the house, packed up some clothes, and then jesse and i hung out. we actually ended up getting a room close to work so that we could wake up later than usual and only have about a 5 minute drive to work.
it was awesome! and the hotel served a full breakfast, too. pretty neat, and included with the stay price.
last night, i guess i was pretty tired or something because i hit the bed and jesse was falling asleep first. as soon as i'd nudged him a few times, the sleep bug hit me and i started to doze. then we both were asleep.
but we kept waking up randomly, too. so i think that's why i'd rather just be in bed right now, watching the tv and falling asleep whenever i feel like it.
have you ever tried to go to bed earlier than your regular bedtime? did it work out/benefit you the next day? i'm curious as to whether i should continue doing this or not...
this weekend was pretty cool, though. saturday i did nothing pretty much all day and it was awesome. later, i went to jesse's and hung out for a bit, then went back home. i did my mom's hair, then i went to bed relatively early.
maybe my body is getting old or something. there once was a time that i wouldn't have dreamed of going to bed before 11, because i was at work. or because i had just gotten off work. or because it was too early. now, if i could get in bed at 5:30 pm and sleep until 5:30 am, i would do it. i love sleep. i hate when i miss out on it.
sunday i picked up around the house, packed up some clothes, and then jesse and i hung out. we actually ended up getting a room close to work so that we could wake up later than usual and only have about a 5 minute drive to work.
it was awesome! and the hotel served a full breakfast, too. pretty neat, and included with the stay price.
last night, i guess i was pretty tired or something because i hit the bed and jesse was falling asleep first. as soon as i'd nudged him a few times, the sleep bug hit me and i started to doze. then we both were asleep.
but we kept waking up randomly, too. so i think that's why i'd rather just be in bed right now, watching the tv and falling asleep whenever i feel like it.
have you ever tried to go to bed earlier than your regular bedtime? did it work out/benefit you the next day? i'm curious as to whether i should continue doing this or not...
followers; how many of us have them?
i think we all do, but i'm probably the luckiest of them all.
i have 9 followers as of today! and i'm so excited. welcome newest follower; i'm glad to have you here.
i know my posts have been a bit scarce lately, but i have been a little busy, things at work have been annoying, and i have felt slightly uninspired to write.
i am still working on my 52 in 52, but it gets more difficult to do some of the things i want to do, because the weather is so bad in maryland. one day it ranges from 50 to 65 degrees, the next day it's 25 to 27 degrees. just ridiculous. makes me want to sleep.
but! i have a plan. i'm going to write an entry entitled "if i got blog of note". i think you will love it.
if you don't, it will grow on you.
if it doesn't, you will remember that you love me, and that will be all that matters. right?
right.
how was your weekend?
i have 9 followers as of today! and i'm so excited. welcome newest follower; i'm glad to have you here.
i know my posts have been a bit scarce lately, but i have been a little busy, things at work have been annoying, and i have felt slightly uninspired to write.
i am still working on my 52 in 52, but it gets more difficult to do some of the things i want to do, because the weather is so bad in maryland. one day it ranges from 50 to 65 degrees, the next day it's 25 to 27 degrees. just ridiculous. makes me want to sleep.
but! i have a plan. i'm going to write an entry entitled "if i got blog of note". i think you will love it.
if you don't, it will grow on you.
if it doesn't, you will remember that you love me, and that will be all that matters. right?
right.
how was your weekend?
12.01.2011
26. make thanksgiving dinner alone
i'm really flying through this 52 in 52 list. i really hope i can actually finish it by the deadline, but i will still end up making a donation to susan g. komen because cancer sucks bad.
i'll admit humbly that it's mostly because i'm full of the awesome, but probably more so because i'd feel bad if i didn't donate and my only motivation to finish the list was so that i didn't have to donate. then i would be a horrible person.
on the scale of horrible people where 1 is peter (because he wasn't completely horrible, he just denied jesus 3 times) and 10 is osama bin laden (who was so horrible that he had to be buried at sea), i would be nestled comfortably between president bush (the one who golfs while simultaneously sending troops to war) and president clinton (the one who had sexual relations with that woman). i think that's accurate.
i cooked the entire thanksgiving meal (with the exception of the sweet potatoes my younger sister just had to make) alone. it was so refreshing. i just had time to myself and since i love cooking, i really enjoyed making such a huge meal.
because i've been having issues with allergic reactions, indigestion, and acid refluxy feelings, i decided to forego making homemade macaroni and cheese and stuck mostly to the earthy/grainy foods that aren't so horrible for everyone's cholesterol. here's the menu:
turkey
string beans
mashed potatoes
stuffing (or dressing, however you say it)
sauerkraut
cranberry sauce
corn muffins
deviled eggs
sweet potatoes*
typically we would add baked macaroni & cheese, collards, maybe cabbage, and yeast rolls to that list, but there were only 4 people in attendance this year: my mom, my sister, jesse, and myself. and later that evening, jesse and i went to his parents' house to eat their food. so everyone won, especially jesse and i.
this holiday also rocked for 2 additional reasons: 1, i got a 4 day weekend away from work that i spent mostly with friends and family (thanksgiving thursday, birthday dinner friday, birthday dinner saturday, and relaxation sunday), and...
i got jewelry!
jesse got me this really pretty, 10k white gold ring with 3 diamonds! and it's not even an engagement ring! he's awesome for a lot of reasons, but that's definitely at the top of the list now.
definitely. extra rings? who wouldn't be happy?
i'll admit humbly that it's mostly because i'm full of the awesome, but probably more so because i'd feel bad if i didn't donate and my only motivation to finish the list was so that i didn't have to donate. then i would be a horrible person.
on the scale of horrible people where 1 is peter (because he wasn't completely horrible, he just denied jesus 3 times) and 10 is osama bin laden (who was so horrible that he had to be buried at sea), i would be nestled comfortably between president bush (the one who golfs while simultaneously sending troops to war) and president clinton (the one who had sexual relations with that woman). i think that's accurate.
i cooked the entire thanksgiving meal (with the exception of the sweet potatoes my younger sister just had to make) alone. it was so refreshing. i just had time to myself and since i love cooking, i really enjoyed making such a huge meal.
because i've been having issues with allergic reactions, indigestion, and acid refluxy feelings, i decided to forego making homemade macaroni and cheese and stuck mostly to the earthy/grainy foods that aren't so horrible for everyone's cholesterol. here's the menu:
turkey
string beans
mashed potatoes
stuffing (or dressing, however you say it)
sauerkraut
cranberry sauce
corn muffins
deviled eggs
sweet potatoes*
typically we would add baked macaroni & cheese, collards, maybe cabbage, and yeast rolls to that list, but there were only 4 people in attendance this year: my mom, my sister, jesse, and myself. and later that evening, jesse and i went to his parents' house to eat their food. so everyone won, especially jesse and i.
this holiday also rocked for 2 additional reasons: 1, i got a 4 day weekend away from work that i spent mostly with friends and family (thanksgiving thursday, birthday dinner friday, birthday dinner saturday, and relaxation sunday), and...
i got jewelry!
jesse got me this really pretty, 10k white gold ring with 3 diamonds! and it's not even an engagement ring! he's awesome for a lot of reasons, but that's definitely at the top of the list now.
definitely. extra rings? who wouldn't be happy?
YES!
that deserved all caps. i have been trying to post blogs all week! but my work computer is ancient and the i.t. department will not let me upgrade my browser. basically, i thought i would try to be slick and do it anyway and i clicked on "try the updated interface" so i could see a bunch of cool stuff that you guys probably see, but it backfired and would only show an error page because i.t. put blocks on the upgrads to anything higher than internet explorer 6.0. when have we last used 6.0? was that in 1995? so blown.com
at any rate, i have so much to share! i did cook thanksgiving dinner myself, which is too much for this update post. i also worked some overtime at work this week, which pretty much told me that the company likes giving away money; and i started my consulting business! how rocking am i?
pretty rocking.
at any rate, i have so much to share! i did cook thanksgiving dinner myself, which is too much for this update post. i also worked some overtime at work this week, which pretty much told me that the company likes giving away money; and i started my consulting business! how rocking am i?
pretty rocking.
11.22.2011
18. get a physical (ugh...)
yesterday was the longest day in the history of days in life.
i went through the most extensive testing ever by getting a physical/well woman exam plus allergy testing.
for those of you who have gone through allergy testing, i just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me know what to expect. you're so awesome, i can't even put it into words.
i hope you felt the sarcastic sucker punch right upside your head.
i was totally not expecting to be pricked about 60 times to test me to see what could possibly kill me. it was terrible.
the only good thing that came from it is now knowing that i have oral allergy syndrome and i have a few options for treatment:
1- continue to avidly avoid the foods/trees i'm allergic to, keeping an epi pen handy.
2- undergo allergy shots 2x/week for 3 months, then once every week for 3 months, once every 3 weeks for 3 months, once every 3 months until i can stop. so forever.
3- take seasonal allergy meds and avoid the foods/trees i'm allergic to, keeping an epi pen handy still.
i'm up in the air about the shots. i don't have any aversion to needles or anything, i just don't know how great of a mood i would be in, having to go to work after that twice a week. i don't think it'd be fair to my coworkers. and seeing that i would have to sit at the office for about 30 mins afterwards for monitoring (you know, just in case i die or something), if i have a bad reaction to the immunizations, it's the epi pen and the emergency room for me, which could cause some issues with my employment--not a good look, when the insurance is paid by my employer. so technically i would need to still be employed to get these shots.
*sigh* so many options. i already have the epi pen prescription, and since the fall is a down season for me with allergies, i can wait until the weather breaks to get it.
since i found out i don't just "sneeze" when it comes to dust and mold, i might want to get that sooner, since my job is full of both dust and mold (smh).
in regards to an earlier post about girly parts, the doctor who did the physical decided to put me back on birth control to help with the pcos. i'm also takingfreaking prilosec to help with the burning sensation in my stomach, but if that doesn't work again, it's back to the lab to get another ultrasound; this time on the upper right quadrant of my stomach. where the gull bladder is.
to aid in preventing ovarian cancer/cysts/endemetriosis, i got the first string of the HPV vaccine. the shot felt like the tetanus shot, which feels like crap. the nurse had to pinch my skin and then shove the needle in my arm, but the worst part was feeling the vaccine leave the needle and enter my body. it hurt so bad. it felt like kryptonite.
because yes, i know what that feels like.
i went through the most extensive testing ever by getting a physical/well woman exam plus allergy testing.
for those of you who have gone through allergy testing, i just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me know what to expect. you're so awesome, i can't even put it into words.
i hope you felt the sarcastic sucker punch right upside your head.
i was totally not expecting to be pricked about 60 times to test me to see what could possibly kill me. it was terrible.
the only good thing that came from it is now knowing that i have oral allergy syndrome and i have a few options for treatment:
1- continue to avidly avoid the foods/trees i'm allergic to, keeping an epi pen handy.
2- undergo allergy shots 2x/week for 3 months, then once every week for 3 months, once every 3 weeks for 3 months, once every 3 months until i can stop. so forever.
3- take seasonal allergy meds and avoid the foods/trees i'm allergic to, keeping an epi pen handy still.
i'm up in the air about the shots. i don't have any aversion to needles or anything, i just don't know how great of a mood i would be in, having to go to work after that twice a week. i don't think it'd be fair to my coworkers. and seeing that i would have to sit at the office for about 30 mins afterwards for monitoring (you know, just in case i die or something), if i have a bad reaction to the immunizations, it's the epi pen and the emergency room for me, which could cause some issues with my employment--not a good look, when the insurance is paid by my employer. so technically i would need to still be employed to get these shots.
*sigh* so many options. i already have the epi pen prescription, and since the fall is a down season for me with allergies, i can wait until the weather breaks to get it.
since i found out i don't just "sneeze" when it comes to dust and mold, i might want to get that sooner, since my job is full of both dust and mold (smh).
in regards to an earlier post about girly parts, the doctor who did the physical decided to put me back on birth control to help with the pcos. i'm also taking
to aid in preventing ovarian cancer/cysts/endemetriosis, i got the first string of the HPV vaccine. the shot felt like the tetanus shot, which feels like crap. the nurse had to pinch my skin and then shove the needle in my arm, but the worst part was feeling the vaccine leave the needle and enter my body. it hurt so bad. it felt like kryptonite.
because yes, i know what that feels like.
11.14.2011
13. have my car detailed
i love the barter system. it gets me a lot of free things that i would, otherwise, have to purchase. i like money; i don't like to spend it all the time, especially when i can trade with someone for something.
i traded a hairstyle for having my car detailed. pretty freaking awesome, right? i'm a hustler.
i did my sister's hair last weekend. it took eleventy two hours to complete, because her head isslightly huge plus-sized, but it was worth it.
yesterday, since the weather was nicer than it has been in a few weeks, she cleaned my car! she vacuumed everything, wiped everything off, cleaned out the cup holders, and febreezed the seats (my request). i told her not to wash the outside of the car, because it's one of my favorite things to do.
i still want to be able to go to a professional detailer to have everything done: wash, hand wax, steam cleaning, polishing, etc., but this was really awesome in the meantime. it looks new inside; she did a really great job!
this weekend was also my mom's 54th birthday. she doesn't look one minute over 35, i promise. it was really fun celebrating with her. i took her to the mall to shop for a dress and accessories. we succeeded. she found a really nice dress for a really great price. i took her out to dinner and got her birthday dessert. she had a great time.
sunday, we went to a church we hadn't visited in a while, and it was nice. it was also nice to get out of church before dusk, so that was a plus. i may go back next sunday.
my weekend was pretty nice. how was yours?
i traded a hairstyle for having my car detailed. pretty freaking awesome, right? i'm a hustler.
i did my sister's hair last weekend. it took eleventy two hours to complete, because her head is
yesterday, since the weather was nicer than it has been in a few weeks, she cleaned my car! she vacuumed everything, wiped everything off, cleaned out the cup holders, and febreezed the seats (my request). i told her not to wash the outside of the car, because it's one of my favorite things to do.
i still want to be able to go to a professional detailer to have everything done: wash, hand wax, steam cleaning, polishing, etc., but this was really awesome in the meantime. it looks new inside; she did a really great job!
this weekend was also my mom's 54th birthday. she doesn't look one minute over 35, i promise. it was really fun celebrating with her. i took her to the mall to shop for a dress and accessories. we succeeded. she found a really nice dress for a really great price. i took her out to dinner and got her birthday dessert. she had a great time.
sunday, we went to a church we hadn't visited in a while, and it was nice. it was also nice to get out of church before dusk, so that was a plus. i may go back next sunday.
my weekend was pretty nice. how was yours?
11.08.2011
you can't date someone who is incarcerated
i think everyone has an internal voice that says "i can't do this," but unfortunately, there are some women who employ the president obama tagline: yes we can!
but no.
you CAN'T:
date someone who is incarcerated.
you physically can't. come on, people. what, in your right mind would tell you that having a boyfriend in jail is okay? he's in JAIL. there is no dating. what, do you imagine you went to dinner by writing a letter that says you did? do you accept the collect call and talk about how you wish you were holding each other? that's not dating, that's insanity.
i guess i might be more lenient for those of you who met a man and began to date before he did the crime to do the time, then i guess you would get a point for loyalty. but no ma'am; you may not meet and decide to date someone while they are incarcerated. what, are the free men just not as accessible?
i know there are women who go to prisons to see what's shaking, but come on! unless the only free men on your dirt road are your cousins, there is nothing interesting going on at any prison, except a lot of my tax dollars at work. unless you're going to get those back from me, there is really no point in going there. at all.
take it from me, from experience. ronnie was in jail for a very,very very long time. i visited enough, but with all the stipulations in place, it can be very tiring and frustrating.
first, you drive for hours to the middle of nowhere, where the only thing in that area/town is the jail. no gas stations, no malls, just the jail. that's depressing. it's not like the jail is in a hotel courtyard or next to an amusement park. so where's the fun?
second, you get there and you have to be checked in, like you're also a criminal. just a free criminal. you get finger printed (why, i do not know), you get patted down, and you have to walk through a metal detector. you have to put all of your own belongings in a locker (so my things had to go to jail, too), you have to sign a waiver, and then you have to sit in a boring lobby and wait for your "beloved" to get ready.
*pause*
what is there to prepare? put on your house shoes and your oranges/grays/ stripes/whites and get to the visiting room! whenever i went to visit ronnie, i usually had to wait a solid 30 mins.
what on earth (!!!) did you have to prepare for 30 mins! were you so busy knowing that i was coming to visit that time slipped away? i have no freaking idea.
all i know is, from a very young age--because i had to go visit my own father--i was always confused as to why people chose incarcerated men over free ones. at least the free ones can go do stuff with you. the ones in jail sometimes look at you through a glass and talk to you on a wall phone. sometimes they give you one hug on sight, and one hug when time's up. i can't imagine subjecting myself to something like that.
not while there are millions of men just walking the earth, working, owning homes, and being productive. no no.
i remember seeing tons of young women, at the jails i visited for ronnie, there visiting a husband or boyfriend. and i felt really irritated with those women, because there are more fish in the sea. those men weren't even in the sea; they were in a fishbowl in someone's basement. how did you even find those fish?!
if jesse decided to go do something illegal and get arrested, arraigned, tried, indicted, and sentenced to jail, i can't really say what i would do right now. i love jesse a lot; but his choice to do the crime, got him the time. being in a relationship with someone who's incarcerated is also punishment for the innocent party.
if the sentence was weekends or 30 days, it's not so bad. i could probably deal with that. but 30 years? i am gonna go with a no! that is all of my child bearing years in one stint. all of my youth, all of my healthy, prime years! and i'm supposed to give that to someone who made a bad choice? so i have to be incarcerated, too?
probably not gonna ever happen. love you, jesse, and we can write, but you're gonna have to get over the fact that i'm moving on!
would you ever date someone who is incarcerated?
but no.
you CAN'T:
date someone who is incarcerated.
you physically can't. come on, people. what, in your right mind would tell you that having a boyfriend in jail is okay? he's in JAIL. there is no dating. what, do you imagine you went to dinner by writing a letter that says you did? do you accept the collect call and talk about how you wish you were holding each other? that's not dating, that's insanity.
i guess i might be more lenient for those of you who met a man and began to date before he did the crime to do the time, then i guess you would get a point for loyalty. but no ma'am; you may not meet and decide to date someone while they are incarcerated. what, are the free men just not as accessible?
i know there are women who go to prisons to see what's shaking, but come on! unless the only free men on your dirt road are your cousins, there is nothing interesting going on at any prison, except a lot of my tax dollars at work. unless you're going to get those back from me, there is really no point in going there. at all.
take it from me, from experience. ronnie was in jail for a very,
first, you drive for hours to the middle of nowhere, where the only thing in that area/town is the jail. no gas stations, no malls, just the jail. that's depressing. it's not like the jail is in a hotel courtyard or next to an amusement park. so where's the fun?
second, you get there and you have to be checked in, like you're also a criminal. just a free criminal. you get finger printed (why, i do not know), you get patted down, and you have to walk through a metal detector. you have to put all of your own belongings in a locker (so my things had to go to jail, too), you have to sign a waiver, and then you have to sit in a boring lobby and wait for your "beloved" to get ready.
*pause*
what is there to prepare? put on your house shoes and your oranges/grays/ stripes/whites and get to the visiting room! whenever i went to visit ronnie, i usually had to wait a solid 30 mins.
what on earth (!!!) did you have to prepare for 30 mins! were you so busy knowing that i was coming to visit that time slipped away? i have no freaking idea.
all i know is, from a very young age--because i had to go visit my own father--i was always confused as to why people chose incarcerated men over free ones. at least the free ones can go do stuff with you. the ones in jail sometimes look at you through a glass and talk to you on a wall phone. sometimes they give you one hug on sight, and one hug when time's up. i can't imagine subjecting myself to something like that.
not while there are millions of men just walking the earth, working, owning homes, and being productive. no no.
i remember seeing tons of young women, at the jails i visited for ronnie, there visiting a husband or boyfriend. and i felt really irritated with those women, because there are more fish in the sea. those men weren't even in the sea; they were in a fishbowl in someone's basement. how did you even find those fish?!
if jesse decided to go do something illegal and get arrested, arraigned, tried, indicted, and sentenced to jail, i can't really say what i would do right now. i love jesse a lot; but his choice to do the crime, got him the time. being in a relationship with someone who's incarcerated is also punishment for the innocent party.
if the sentence was weekends or 30 days, it's not so bad. i could probably deal with that. but 30 years? i am gonna go with a no! that is all of my child bearing years in one stint. all of my youth, all of my healthy, prime years! and i'm supposed to give that to someone who made a bad choice? so i have to be incarcerated, too?
probably not gonna ever happen. love you, jesse, and we can write, but you're gonna have to get over the fact that i'm moving on!
would you ever date someone who is incarcerated?
11.04.2011
33. talk to my ob/gyn about fertility testing and ovulation
yes, i’m alive.
so i knocked this one off my 52 in 52 list yesterday, and i wasn't even trying to do so.
come to find out, there’s a lot going on in my lady parts. i have something called pcos, which is so much fun that it makes me sick sometimes.
more info (if you want to know): http://women.webmd.com/pcos-directory
pcos is an acronym for polycystic ovarian syndrome. my doctor figured this out, just by asking a few very good, very personal questions. i really like her. it was my first time going to her because i'm new to annapolis (for adulthood, anyway), and all of my doctors were in richmond. i'm definitely not driving there from annapolis.
i went to the doctor, originally, because my stomach hurt really bad. it wasn't farts or poops, it was like pain/discomfort. no nausea, no cramps...just this random stabbing sensation. it felt so good.
i stayed in bed mostly on wednesday. it felt pretty good. when i started getting ready for bed, i got a few more stabs (probably just for kicks). my mom asks, "are you pregnant?" and immediately i'm like "no. not even possible right now."
thursday i wake up and i'm in even more excruciating pain, so i call out of work, again. i hate calling out of work. the last time i called out was because this dumb lady used the shoulder as passing lane in rush hour traffic and ended up hitting my car. it was so fun that day. (rolls eyes)
my insurance is hmo (not homosexual; hmo), so in order to even go to the doctor, my insurance carrier makes me choose a primary care physician and only go to them first before going anywhere else. fine by me, as my copay is freaking sweet and i don't have to meet a deductible.
i get to the doctor and do some paperwork. i'm thinking the doctor's going to prescribe me something for acid reflux or tell me to buy some tums, right? that's what they do.
no. not so much.
so yeah, i got about 6 vials of blood taken for testing on just about everything from hormone levels to insulin levels to blood count. i even peed in a cup to test for pregnancy (negative) and so that they can do a urinalysis. my stomach is extremely sensitive and i really don’t know why at this point, other than the fact that it probably has something to do with pcos. i’m in a pretty good amount of pain, but i didn’t want to call out of work again, so here i am, atmy demise work.
i won't lie, i'm slightly frustrated because i totally wasn't expecting the office visit i got, but at least i’m finally getting some solid answers and i'm headed in the right direction.
i have more stuff coming up later this month as far as testing. i have to get a pelvic and intra-uterine ultrasound, i have to get a physical including a women’s yearly exam (joy, deep down in my soul), and i even get to see an allergist. i’m so excited, i’m beaming.
so inadvertently, i got to talk to my doctor about fertility issues and ovulation. the doctor says it’s nothing to really be worried about at this point, but being on a birth control that gives me a cycle every month is going to help more, because my body needs to be re-programmed to do what it's supposed to do, monthly. like flush, and ovulate. i currently don’t have a cycle—which in my opinion, is awesome. it's just not so awesome for child-bearing purposes, and since i actually want a kid or two, i definitely need to bite the bullet and get hip to having a monthly cycle.
the doctor wants to see if i have cysts on my ovaries, because the build up of not having a cycle can cause endometriosis. also, pcos can cause pre-diabetes and diabetes, because the body has trouble responding to the insulin that is produced, which can result in high blood sugar levels.
the worst part is it's not common in my family. clearly my mother can have kids with no problem. she had me and my sister. she's always had a regular cycle. my grandmother had 5 kids, always had a regular cycle. nobody has this except me, in the entire world. which is why there is already so much literature on it on reputable websites.
they were waiting for me.
i hope you all felt the sarcasm. i tried to make it as tangible as possible.so yes, the past 2 days have been amazing. like a mini-vacation. i'm looking forward to learning more about this syndrome, but if there's anyone out there who has dealt with this, please contact me with things that have worked for you to get everything running better, and even support. i really need it.
xx,
ronetta
so i knocked this one off my 52 in 52 list yesterday, and i wasn't even trying to do so.
come to find out, there’s a lot going on in my lady parts. i have something called pcos, which is so much fun that it makes me sick sometimes.
more info (if you want to know): http://women.webmd.com/pcos-directory
pcos is an acronym for polycystic ovarian syndrome. my doctor figured this out, just by asking a few very good, very personal questions. i really like her. it was my first time going to her because i'm new to annapolis (for adulthood, anyway), and all of my doctors were in richmond. i'm definitely not driving there from annapolis.
i went to the doctor, originally, because my stomach hurt really bad. it wasn't farts or poops, it was like pain/discomfort. no nausea, no cramps...just this random stabbing sensation. it felt so good.
i stayed in bed mostly on wednesday. it felt pretty good. when i started getting ready for bed, i got a few more stabs (probably just for kicks). my mom asks, "are you pregnant?" and immediately i'm like "no. not even possible right now."
thursday i wake up and i'm in even more excruciating pain, so i call out of work, again. i hate calling out of work. the last time i called out was because this dumb lady used the shoulder as passing lane in rush hour traffic and ended up hitting my car. it was so fun that day. (rolls eyes)
my insurance is hmo (not homosexual; hmo), so in order to even go to the doctor, my insurance carrier makes me choose a primary care physician and only go to them first before going anywhere else. fine by me, as my copay is freaking sweet and i don't have to meet a deductible.
i get to the doctor and do some paperwork. i'm thinking the doctor's going to prescribe me something for acid reflux or tell me to buy some tums, right? that's what they do.
no. not so much.
so yeah, i got about 6 vials of blood taken for testing on just about everything from hormone levels to insulin levels to blood count. i even peed in a cup to test for pregnancy (negative) and so that they can do a urinalysis. my stomach is extremely sensitive and i really don’t know why at this point, other than the fact that it probably has something to do with pcos. i’m in a pretty good amount of pain, but i didn’t want to call out of work again, so here i am, at
i won't lie, i'm slightly frustrated because i totally wasn't expecting the office visit i got, but at least i’m finally getting some solid answers and i'm headed in the right direction.
i have more stuff coming up later this month as far as testing. i have to get a pelvic and intra-uterine ultrasound, i have to get a physical including a women’s yearly exam (joy, deep down in my soul), and i even get to see an allergist. i’m so excited, i’m beaming.
so inadvertently, i got to talk to my doctor about fertility issues and ovulation. the doctor says it’s nothing to really be worried about at this point, but being on a birth control that gives me a cycle every month is going to help more, because my body needs to be re-programmed to do what it's supposed to do, monthly. like flush, and ovulate. i currently don’t have a cycle—which in my opinion, is awesome. it's just not so awesome for child-bearing purposes, and since i actually want a kid or two, i definitely need to bite the bullet and get hip to having a monthly cycle.
the doctor wants to see if i have cysts on my ovaries, because the build up of not having a cycle can cause endometriosis. also, pcos can cause pre-diabetes and diabetes, because the body has trouble responding to the insulin that is produced, which can result in high blood sugar levels.
the worst part is it's not common in my family. clearly my mother can have kids with no problem. she had me and my sister. she's always had a regular cycle. my grandmother had 5 kids, always had a regular cycle. nobody has this except me, in the entire world. which is why there is already so much literature on it on reputable websites.
they were waiting for me.
i hope you all felt the sarcasm. i tried to make it as tangible as possible.so yes, the past 2 days have been amazing. like a mini-vacation. i'm looking forward to learning more about this syndrome, but if there's anyone out there who has dealt with this, please contact me with things that have worked for you to get everything running better, and even support. i really need it.
xx,
ronetta
10.31.2011
5. have a weekend all to myself at least once
this past weekend, i did everything i wanted to do, mostly alone. and. it. was. awesome. yes, i did do a few things with others, but i had a very relaxing time with no pressure to do anything i didn't want to do.
i would stop there, but this past week was absolutely ridiculous.
okay, so i've been going to the gym everyday for the past 3-4 weeks. except last week, because it sucked. it went by really quickly, but it was something like a quick mess. i don't know. it's all a blur now. nothing really memorable happened except for a lot of ridiculous traffic and the fact that the ravens and the redskins lost last weekend.
yesterday, the ravens almost killed me (again). they were down 24-3 at the half, but came back for the win. joe flacco sometimes blows me. figuratively, not literally. i think tyrod taylor should've had a go at quarterback yesterday, but whatevs.
the skins? not so much. they got shut out 24-0 by the freaking buffalo bills (what the hell is that even about), and john beck got sacked a record 9 times. oh, not to mention, it was shanahan's first shut out in his entire coaching career. how ridiculous.
i did get to watch some episodes of the office on netflix (they just got season 7!!!), my all time favorite show, over the weekend. that was really fun and relaxing. i did some lock maintenance on jesse's dreads, which was really fun for me since i haven't done them in a while (they look amazing). i went to the gym with my mom and we went to dinner afterwards.
my weekend rocked!
i'm sure this post probably won't get a lot of feedback, but i am just so happy to be coasting through my 52 in 52. it's rare that i stick to something for an entire year (boredom, adult ADD, stuff like that you know), so it's encouraging to see that i've knocked out 2 months consistently. annnnnd, i've done a bunch of other cool things, too, like joined a gym and went consistently for the past 3 weeks, baked a cake (not from scratch, but it was so good), and my knee is doing so much better, too! it gets stiff and feels weak at times, but no complaints here.
oh, and for 80s day at work today, i cut my hair into a mohawk and did some really colorful makeup. today is awesome, and this week is already looking promising.
xx,
ronetta
i would stop there, but this past week was absolutely ridiculous.
okay, so i've been going to the gym everyday for the past 3-4 weeks. except last week, because it sucked. it went by really quickly, but it was something like a quick mess. i don't know. it's all a blur now. nothing really memorable happened except for a lot of ridiculous traffic and the fact that the ravens and the redskins lost last weekend.
yesterday, the ravens almost killed me (again). they were down 24-3 at the half, but came back for the win. joe flacco sometimes blows me. figuratively, not literally. i think tyrod taylor should've had a go at quarterback yesterday, but whatevs.
the skins? not so much. they got shut out 24-0 by the freaking buffalo bills (what the hell is that even about), and john beck got sacked a record 9 times. oh, not to mention, it was shanahan's first shut out in his entire coaching career. how ridiculous.
i did get to watch some episodes of the office on netflix (they just got season 7!!!), my all time favorite show, over the weekend. that was really fun and relaxing. i did some lock maintenance on jesse's dreads, which was really fun for me since i haven't done them in a while (they look amazing). i went to the gym with my mom and we went to dinner afterwards.
my weekend rocked!
i'm sure this post probably won't get a lot of feedback, but i am just so happy to be coasting through my 52 in 52. it's rare that i stick to something for an entire year (boredom, adult ADD, stuff like that you know), so it's encouraging to see that i've knocked out 2 months consistently. annnnnd, i've done a bunch of other cool things, too, like joined a gym and went consistently for the past 3 weeks, baked a cake (not from scratch, but it was so good), and my knee is doing so much better, too! it gets stiff and feels weak at times, but no complaints here.
oh, and for 80s day at work today, i cut my hair into a mohawk and did some really colorful makeup. today is awesome, and this week is already looking promising.
xx,
ronetta
10.26.2011
rant post, because you can always keep your legs closed
someone just called my job trying to force me to do something i physically can't do, repeatedly. and what does that do to me? it irritates me.
it also seems like rape, except there was no touching involved.
i'm a legal drug dealer. i should probably go into great detail about this and blah blah blah, but it's quite simple. i give ladies birth control. it's really that simple.
well, there's more to it, but for the sake of introduction, that's all there is to it (for now).
so i answer my phone, because that's what i do, and i ask how i can help, right? sounds pleasant enough.
immediately, this chick starts spouting off a rant about how her doctor ordered herkid stopper machine intra-uterine device (IUD) in may...
stop and check your calendar: it's october. then end of october, lady. so shut the hell up.
...and her current stopper expires in november, and she still doesn't have the new one. then she proceeds to tell me to look it up and she wants to order it now, because this is really unprofessional.
*pause* is it really unprofessional? or is the fact that you did not introduce yourself, your doctor's name, or the nature of your call, at the beginning of the conversation?
me: *deep breath* okay ma'am (and you know what ma'am means), you can't place the order becuase it's a specialty item; the doctor must always place the order on your behalf. so what you're saying is your doctor ordered an actual IUD (not possible, because their office would have it on the shelf, seeing as though it takes 1 business day for them to have it once we ship it) and it is now 5 months later, and they are stating they do not have it, but they have not called us?
her: can you just look me up?!
me: no, i cannot look you up by your name. if you have a case number (hipaa, anyone? hello?) the verification/reimbursement department can see if your doctor ordered a benefits verification, but i can't check that in the distribution department (because we distribute, not verify. clearly).
broad: well someone needs to check this! my IUD expires next month and i need a new one.
me: have you had your benefits verified? is it possible--
douche bag: look, i just need the IUD. how can i get it?
me: *long pause* your doctor has to order it if you have medical insurance. if they do not want to do that, you can pay out of pocket for it, via the specialty pharmacy.
idiot: you know what? i don't even need this! i will just go with another pharmaceutical company who will give it to me! i just want to buy it.
me: okay, bye. *in my nail filing, yawning voice*
now, here's a piece of information: my office is the sole distributor of this contraceptive devise. *stewie griffin voice* that's right, mitch. you can't get it anywhere else but from me. so get over it.
it gets richer here.
me: *answering phone* this is ronetta, how can i help?
same freaking lady: okay, i apologize if i sound a little frustrated, but i have been on the phone for 2 goddamned hours trying to figure this out.
my thoughts, you ask? maybe if you would eat a slice of shut the hell up pie, you would have saved your precious 2 hours and understood the process.
me: ma'am? yeah, it's me again. i can definitely repeat the same thing i told you the last time we spoke, but after you ask me a question, i really need you toshut the hell up wait for me to answer that question, okay?
her: okay, okay. i'm just really frustrated and--
me: i get that, ma'am. but you have to listen to the answer so you know what comes next.
her: okay, okay.
me: you need to have your benefits officially verified so that we, as a certified company and the sole distributor, can make that information available to your doctor's office, so that they can proceed with placing the order at your request.
her: but they won't--
me: no ma'am. you need to listen. *pauses, hears her sigh* once they are aware of how much your insurance will cover, they can place the order. get this--they have 90 days to pay for the IUD, which means, they can submit their invoice to your insurance company. your insurance company is contracted to pay whatever we confirmed with them, which means they will send your doctor's office a check for the amount promised. your doctor will then pay for the IUD, and you can pay for the remaining amount through the doctor's office.
her: *whining* but they won't do that! they got burned before and patients wouldn't pay!
me: if we verify that your insurance is paying for it, and you would only owe a very small percentage (more than likely a co-payment) of the IUD, then your doctor's office would not be footing the bill--you would.
her: but they won't--
me: okay, so plan B is that your doctor--yes, they still have to place the order--places the order for you with the specialty pharmacy. they will contact you for pay--
her: they won't order!! they wo--
me: --MENT arrangements, and you will be fiscally responsible for the entire cost of the unit. we will ship the unit to the doctor's office, so they don't have to pay.
her: but if i do that, my insurance will only cover 80%!
me: option C is to go to another physician who will order the unit according to what we and your insurance company are requesting.
her: i don't want to go to another doctor--
me: that's option C, ma'am, meaning you still have options A and B to go through first.
her: so you want me to go to another doctor--
me: ma'am. i want you to calm down and understand that this process is fairly simple, and there are plenty of options.
her: i'm not going to another doctor!
me: *hardest sigh ever*
her: i don't want someone else sticking stuff up my insides! my current doctor knows all of my medical history. i've lost 230 pounds and gotten plastic surgery. i want my doctor to do this procedure! i--
me: plain and simple, then, your doctor has to order the IUD. bottom line, that's it. they have to bill your medical insurance, or you have to pay out of pocket and be reimbursed. that's it, there's no more to it.
her: you know what? fine. this is totally ridiculous.
me: okay, bye.
i'm sorry, but this device is not the only form of kid prevention. there are pills, there are shots, there is the ring you stick up your lady parts your damn self, there is even a copper T shaped thingy that stays in your vag for 10 freaking years. get over yourself.
either you do it the way everyone else has to do it (with plenty of viable options) or you don't get the unit. it's not both and it's not neither. it's one or the other.
if she calls back again, it's gonna be ronetta vs. bitch, not office employee vs. patient.
it also seems like rape, except there was no touching involved.
i'm a legal drug dealer. i should probably go into great detail about this and blah blah blah, but it's quite simple. i give ladies birth control. it's really that simple.
well, there's more to it, but for the sake of introduction, that's all there is to it (for now).
so i answer my phone, because that's what i do, and i ask how i can help, right? sounds pleasant enough.
immediately, this chick starts spouting off a rant about how her doctor ordered her
stop and check your calendar: it's october. then end of october, lady. so shut the hell up.
...and her current stopper expires in november, and she still doesn't have the new one. then she proceeds to tell me to look it up and she wants to order it now, because this is really unprofessional.
*pause* is it really unprofessional? or is the fact that you did not introduce yourself, your doctor's name, or the nature of your call, at the beginning of the conversation?
me: *deep breath* okay ma'am (and you know what ma'am means), you can't place the order becuase it's a specialty item; the doctor must always place the order on your behalf. so what you're saying is your doctor ordered an actual IUD (not possible, because their office would have it on the shelf, seeing as though it takes 1 business day for them to have it once we ship it) and it is now 5 months later, and they are stating they do not have it, but they have not called us?
her: can you just look me up?!
me: no, i cannot look you up by your name. if you have a case number (hipaa, anyone? hello?) the verification/reimbursement department can see if your doctor ordered a benefits verification, but i can't check that in the distribution department (because we distribute, not verify. clearly).
broad: well someone needs to check this! my IUD expires next month and i need a new one.
me: have you had your benefits verified? is it possible--
douche bag: look, i just need the IUD. how can i get it?
me: *long pause* your doctor has to order it if you have medical insurance. if they do not want to do that, you can pay out of pocket for it, via the specialty pharmacy.
idiot: you know what? i don't even need this! i will just go with another pharmaceutical company who will give it to me! i just want to buy it.
me: okay, bye. *in my nail filing, yawning voice*
now, here's a piece of information: my office is the sole distributor of this contraceptive devise. *stewie griffin voice* that's right, mitch. you can't get it anywhere else but from me. so get over it.
it gets richer here.
me: *answering phone* this is ronetta, how can i help?
same freaking lady: okay, i apologize if i sound a little frustrated, but i have been on the phone for 2 goddamned hours trying to figure this out.
my thoughts, you ask? maybe if you would eat a slice of shut the hell up pie, you would have saved your precious 2 hours and understood the process.
me: ma'am? yeah, it's me again. i can definitely repeat the same thing i told you the last time we spoke, but after you ask me a question, i really need you to
her: okay, okay. i'm just really frustrated and--
me: i get that, ma'am. but you have to listen to the answer so you know what comes next.
her: okay, okay.
me: you need to have your benefits officially verified so that we, as a certified company and the sole distributor, can make that information available to your doctor's office, so that they can proceed with placing the order at your request.
her: but they won't--
me: no ma'am. you need to listen. *pauses, hears her sigh* once they are aware of how much your insurance will cover, they can place the order. get this--they have 90 days to pay for the IUD, which means, they can submit their invoice to your insurance company. your insurance company is contracted to pay whatever we confirmed with them, which means they will send your doctor's office a check for the amount promised. your doctor will then pay for the IUD, and you can pay for the remaining amount through the doctor's office.
her: *whining* but they won't do that! they got burned before and patients wouldn't pay!
me: if we verify that your insurance is paying for it, and you would only owe a very small percentage (more than likely a co-payment) of the IUD, then your doctor's office would not be footing the bill--you would.
her: but they won't--
me: okay, so plan B is that your doctor--yes, they still have to place the order--places the order for you with the specialty pharmacy. they will contact you for pay--
her: they won't order!! they wo--
me: --MENT arrangements, and you will be fiscally responsible for the entire cost of the unit. we will ship the unit to the doctor's office, so they don't have to pay.
her: but if i do that, my insurance will only cover 80%!
me: option C is to go to another physician who will order the unit according to what we and your insurance company are requesting.
her: i don't want to go to another doctor--
me: that's option C, ma'am, meaning you still have options A and B to go through first.
her: so you want me to go to another doctor--
me: ma'am. i want you to calm down and understand that this process is fairly simple, and there are plenty of options.
her: i'm not going to another doctor!
me: *hardest sigh ever*
her: i don't want someone else sticking stuff up my insides! my current doctor knows all of my medical history. i've lost 230 pounds and gotten plastic surgery. i want my doctor to do this procedure! i--
me: plain and simple, then, your doctor has to order the IUD. bottom line, that's it. they have to bill your medical insurance, or you have to pay out of pocket and be reimbursed. that's it, there's no more to it.
her: you know what? fine. this is totally ridiculous.
me: okay, bye.
i'm sorry, but this device is not the only form of kid prevention. there are pills, there are shots, there is the ring you stick up your lady parts your damn self, there is even a copper T shaped thingy that stays in your vag for 10 freaking years. get over yourself.
either you do it the way everyone else has to do it (with plenty of viable options) or you don't get the unit. it's not both and it's not neither. it's one or the other.
if she calls back again, it's gonna be ronetta vs. bitch, not office employee vs. patient.
10.24.2011
41. take a day to pamper myself (etc...)
yesterday, after a great weekend with the infamous jesse, i spent time alone...pampering!
yes!
it was so much fun. i got a manicure/pedicure, did my own hair and facial, and i shaved (this actually happened on saturday). shaving is my absolute least favorite part of female hygiene. i hate shaving. i put it off as long as possible, and by the time i actually crack down to do it, it takes forever. especially if combined with washing my hair and deep conditioning. i hate it.
but i love the outcome. so i guess it's worth it. i should probably just resolve to shave every week (like a lot of normal people i know), but most times i just do not feel like it. and if i resolve to shave every week, i'm sure that there'll be one saturday (probably the first saturday after this resolution begins) that i look at my legs and say, "they're not that bad, i'm just gonna wait until next week." and this will continue, until i look like a woolly mammoth. it never fails.
so i went to holly nails to get my mani/pedi. a place i said i would not go to again because the last time i went, i think i got a plantar's wort on the bottom of my foot. <--not cool. especially because i didn't know that's what it was until jesse noticed i was limping and said, "lemme see it." i was content to keep scrubbing/washing it until it disappeared.
apparently, that's not how it works. so i had to get a dr. scholl's removal kit. cleared it up in 2 days tops. really awesome stuff. sucks that i needed it, but whatevs.
anyway, this time i went, the lady cut me three times. who does that? with the cuticle trimming, she clipped me twice on my left foot. it felt so awesome. during the manicure, she trimmed the cuticle too low to where my thumb bled from a little knick and she had to put ointment on it. lucky for her, my feet felt better and the polish looked amazing. that's what salvaged her tip.
plus, since i've worked in the service industry (i waitressed at ruby tuesday. i was a legend), i just feel horrible if i ever go somewhere and don't leave a tip. hourly does not cut it, because most companies expect you to make "commission" off each customer anyway, also known as tips.
i made $3.08 per hour when i served, and i hardly ever got a paycheck. if i did, it was always under $7 because of the tips i made. let's say i worked a lunch shift (11-3, typically, depending on the flow of business). during a typical lunch rush, i would have 5 tables (a 2 seat, 3-4 seats, and a 5-6 seat table), and if it was an awesome day, all of those tables would be filled. in that 4 hours, i could easily walk out with over $75 in tips, which puts me at about $18.75 per hour, untaxed. that's why i never got a paycheck.
the only thing that sucked bad, was the fact that business was slightly unpredictable, which meant my hours were also unpredictable, along with my cash flow. i could work a double on a saturday and bring home at least $200 in tips that day. monday morning, i may only make $20. it really depended on the day.
luckily i lived with my mom when i worked at ruby's. the only bills i had, then, were car insurance and my cell phone bill. how i long to return to those days. except for the whole not really getting a paycheck part. that part, i don't miss.
i had a great weekend. j and i went to this really cool hotel called aloft near IAD (dulles international airport in dulles/ashburn, va), which is like a subsidiary hotel of the w hotel, aka "costs an arm and a leg to stay there" hotel. in new york, the w averages around $400/night. aloft, however, averages around $60/night. it's very cool, very colorful and modern, and it's constructed like a loft instead of your standard hotel room. i loved it.
we had a huge flat screen tv, a play box (outlets for an ipod, ps3, laptop, etc), a huge bed, a glass shower, and this really cool sink that was all water fountain-y. i absolutely loved it, and since there are so many alofts all over, i'm pretty sure we're never staying anywhere else.
anyway (huge tangent, i don't know where that came from), the pamper day was cool. i didn't get any waxing done (eyebrows/lip) because i didn't need it, and because the little nail salons in the past have always done a craptastic job on my eyebrows anyway. no thanks; i do them myself.
however, when i go to a real spa, i will get the waxing works. brazilian, eyebrow, and lip. oh gosh, how i am dreading the brazilian.
i had one friend tell me it's a humbling experience because your lady parts are up in the air. i had one tell me it's liberating. i had another one tell me it's worth it, and it only takes about 10 or 11 good yanks to finish.
liquor me up.
yes!
it was so much fun. i got a manicure/pedicure, did my own hair and facial, and i shaved (this actually happened on saturday). shaving is my absolute least favorite part of female hygiene. i hate shaving. i put it off as long as possible, and by the time i actually crack down to do it, it takes forever. especially if combined with washing my hair and deep conditioning. i hate it.
but i love the outcome. so i guess it's worth it. i should probably just resolve to shave every week (like a lot of normal people i know), but most times i just do not feel like it. and if i resolve to shave every week, i'm sure that there'll be one saturday (probably the first saturday after this resolution begins) that i look at my legs and say, "they're not that bad, i'm just gonna wait until next week." and this will continue, until i look like a woolly mammoth. it never fails.
so i went to holly nails to get my mani/pedi. a place i said i would not go to again because the last time i went, i think i got a plantar's wort on the bottom of my foot. <--not cool. especially because i didn't know that's what it was until jesse noticed i was limping and said, "lemme see it." i was content to keep scrubbing/washing it until it disappeared.
apparently, that's not how it works. so i had to get a dr. scholl's removal kit. cleared it up in 2 days tops. really awesome stuff. sucks that i needed it, but whatevs.
anyway, this time i went, the lady cut me three times. who does that? with the cuticle trimming, she clipped me twice on my left foot. it felt so awesome. during the manicure, she trimmed the cuticle too low to where my thumb bled from a little knick and she had to put ointment on it. lucky for her, my feet felt better and the polish looked amazing. that's what salvaged her tip.
plus, since i've worked in the service industry (i waitressed at ruby tuesday. i was a legend), i just feel horrible if i ever go somewhere and don't leave a tip. hourly does not cut it, because most companies expect you to make "commission" off each customer anyway, also known as tips.
i made $3.08 per hour when i served, and i hardly ever got a paycheck. if i did, it was always under $7 because of the tips i made. let's say i worked a lunch shift (11-3, typically, depending on the flow of business). during a typical lunch rush, i would have 5 tables (a 2 seat, 3-4 seats, and a 5-6 seat table), and if it was an awesome day, all of those tables would be filled. in that 4 hours, i could easily walk out with over $75 in tips, which puts me at about $18.75 per hour, untaxed. that's why i never got a paycheck.
the only thing that sucked bad, was the fact that business was slightly unpredictable, which meant my hours were also unpredictable, along with my cash flow. i could work a double on a saturday and bring home at least $200 in tips that day. monday morning, i may only make $20. it really depended on the day.
luckily i lived with my mom when i worked at ruby's. the only bills i had, then, were car insurance and my cell phone bill. how i long to return to those days. except for the whole not really getting a paycheck part. that part, i don't miss.
i had a great weekend. j and i went to this really cool hotel called aloft near IAD (dulles international airport in dulles/ashburn, va), which is like a subsidiary hotel of the w hotel, aka "costs an arm and a leg to stay there" hotel. in new york, the w averages around $400/night. aloft, however, averages around $60/night. it's very cool, very colorful and modern, and it's constructed like a loft instead of your standard hotel room. i loved it.
we had a huge flat screen tv, a play box (outlets for an ipod, ps3, laptop, etc), a huge bed, a glass shower, and this really cool sink that was all water fountain-y. i absolutely loved it, and since there are so many alofts all over, i'm pretty sure we're never staying anywhere else.
anyway (huge tangent, i don't know where that came from), the pamper day was cool. i didn't get any waxing done (eyebrows/lip) because i didn't need it, and because the little nail salons in the past have always done a craptastic job on my eyebrows anyway. no thanks; i do them myself.
however, when i go to a real spa, i will get the waxing works. brazilian, eyebrow, and lip. oh gosh, how i am dreading the brazilian.
i had one friend tell me it's a humbling experience because your lady parts are up in the air. i had one tell me it's liberating. i had another one tell me it's worth it, and it only takes about 10 or 11 good yanks to finish.
liquor me up.
10.18.2011
an omitable chapter, because clearly abuse sucks
an omitable chapter in my life definitely has to be when i kinda dated a guy named donnell. i definitely could've gone totally without that ever happening. i gained nothing from it, and it pretty much brought the worst out of me. sucks, but it's true.
okay, okay...i'll go into detail (sheesh, don't have a cow).
let's rewind a bit back to january 2008. no, december 2007.
i returned from spain on december 19, 2007. it was awesome to be back home, driving my car and not working and just being awesome all the time. i missed spain because it was really pretty and cool, but it was nice to be back in the states.
i started talking to an infamous ex-boyfriend (brandon), who i'd been dealing with on and off at that point for about 3 years. in january 2008, i went to my homegirl's 21st birthday party and had a great time. minus the fact that this dude blew my entire life by calling and texting me the whole time.
prior to my drive to the party (i was in annapolis, party was in woodbridge, so it took a solid hour to get there), i told him "i will be at a party tonight, so i will hit you later when i'm free."
i guess that meant "please call me 10 times in 3 hours and send me 20+ text messages, then tell me it's because you were concerned."
c'mon dude. you were not concerned. you were keeping tabs and got in your feelings when i didn't respond.
but i digress.
a few weeks later, i stopped getting calls and texts altogether. fine by me, but with our history, i at least wanted to make sure everything was alright. we'd go through this every so often; all of a sudden he would stop calling/texting/e-mailing/facebooking/communi-cating/breathing and we'd fall off again.
this time was different. this time was because *insert longest drumroll ever here* he got someone pregnant and the baby was here.
*pause* what? are you kidding me?
yes. this guy got someone pregnant in april 2007.
rewind for me again. we went through an on/off stage from march through may 2007. who does that? lucky for me, we did not have sex during that time, or he may have had twins by two differentpissed off women.
so i contact him via facebook--since he blatantly refused to answer any of my other attempts--and he smugly replies that i was only mad because i was on the outside looking in and some other royal bs. royal.
on the outside looking in, doesn't even make sense in that context. i think that's what irritated me the most. because clearly.
i got so mad that i left campus in search of his car. i knew he was at work (which just so happened to be up the street from my last class), but for some reason i just could not find that freaking car. and i guess it was to his benefit, because i was going to key the mess out of it. i had a swiss army knife and i was going to poke the tires. i had a brick and i was going to bust the windows. i was going to make that car look like it had been totalled.
but i just couldn't find it! imagine how much more pissed i was at that point.
i went to the bar and drank. i didn't really give myself an opportunity to cry because i didn't feel he was worth that kind of effort (strange, considering i almost killed his car).
2 weeks later, i'm back at the neighborhood bar (northside richmond, a restaurant called sandy's...i knew the owner) throwing a few back before class. when all of a sudden...
this guy walks in. he sits right next to me, and in typicalronetta "i don't know you so move. thanks, management" behavior, i turn all the way around in my seat, blocking him out of the conversation i was having with my friends (who are also my godsister's husband's family members--another post, another day).
he says, "excuse me, can i grab a napkin?" the napkins distance, for him, would've been reaching across me, so i moved a bit and went back to conversation.
then he gave me a 2-piece combo. "you're so pretty. you're not from around here, are you."
what can i say? i'm a leo...we like positive attention. so without blushing i said thank you and told him that i was from maryland but i went to vcu.
he said he went to morehouse for a few years but ended up coming back home when his dad got sick.
sorry to hear that.
he buys me a few drinks. blah blah blah. i love free stuff. i love stuff i don't have to pay for, so he was at least cool in my book.
we exchanged numbers and i went to class.
yes, i went to class. i guess this is where i should tell you that at that point, yeah, i was somewhat of a professional.
the next day passes, no call. fine by me, too much going on. but the second day, i get a call. he wants to chill.
i know where chilling leads, so i said no. and that it'd be better if he planned something for us to do because i'm busy.
ha. busy. i was kinda busy...i wasn't working but i was waiting for a response on an interview i had the week before. school kept me kinda busy. but not busy enough to not chill. i chilled all the time.
the next day i found out i got the job at the hotel. i started training that weekend and met another cool guy (no, he was actually cool. no sarcasm at all there, i promise) and we hung out a lot.
the cool guy invited me out for drinks (not donnell, because he's not a cool guy), and it just so happened to be one of my friends' birthdays, so we went to buffalo wild wings.
i still remember what i drank that night. 2 vodka & cranberrys, 2 whiskey sours, 4 top shelf long island iced teas, 4 shots of patron (i went shot for shot with someone).
needless to say, i was totally plastered when we left. my friend drove my car, and since i was supposed to be the DD, he had to drop other people off at home before taking me home, and another friend had to follow us so he'd have a ride home.
quite the night, right?
instead of me going to my own house (i lived with my godsister's husband's mother at the time), i call donnell to come pick me up from my house so i could go to his house. this entire time, i was also texting another friend in maryland to come down and chill for the weekend. that never happened. who does that.
that night, i puked all over his bathroom and then fell asleep all over his bed. he had to sleep on the couch.
and that was the first time donnell and i hung out. awesome, right?
the next morning, i woke up totally disoriented as to how i got there, but he was really friendly and asked if i was hungry. he made breakfast and we watched saturday morning cartoons. that's when we started to click a bit. weird, right?
right.
fast forward a few months. in this time period, i'd dealt with being stalked (by one of his exes), having to change my phone number (one i'd had for 3 years), almost having to call the police to come get me out of his house (yeah, he locked me inside and took my car and cell phone), and some very physical altercations.
in any order, i:
punched him in his stomach
slapped him across his face
punched/busted him in his chest
kicked him in his chest
punched him in his throat/neck
punched him in his arm
jacked him in his collar
you know, the funny (not haha, because it's clearly not that kind of funny) part about this, is that i look abusive. it's true, i will admit that. but here are the measurements:
i was 5'9", he was pushing 6'4".
i weighed about 170, he weighed about 225.
i had boobs, he had balls. i never hit him in his balls. that's just wrong.
he had this thing about him--he liked to be in complete control. physically, mentally, emotionally and even sexually. he never forced himself on me, and i think that's really because of his prison stint (any convict who has not committed a crime against a woman or child, would kill another person who committed this crime).
i'm not one who is easily controlled on any of those levels.
he had an attitude problem. he was way too aggressive. he was way too controlling. i have never been locked in someone else's house. ever. that is probably close to the worst feeling ever, especially when you are left with no communication method and no way out. i had to search high and low for the house phone, then charge it, in order to call him on my cell phone.
anytime something became physical, it was because of something he said to me (in an effort to control me) or something he did to me. he would grab me, and i would snatch my arm away, then punch him. it's really awful that he didn't learn from the first time i fought back.
there was never a time where i didn't fight back. i just stuck around because it was what i came to expect from him and i could deal with it.
but my breaking point was probably when he said he wanted to have children and expected for us to be together for a while. how can you even fix your mind to want to be with someone with whom you are constantly in physical altercations? considering the fact that he already had 3 daughters (and i would not want them to see their father's behavior towards me and feel like that's what they should expect from men, generally), while he did have arrangements with their mothers (mmhmm, plural) to take care of them, he was not totally on point with this.
so i slowly backed away. i stopped visiting as much. stopped answering phone calls. told my receptionist to stop patching his calls through and tell him i was in a meeting.
about a month later, i popped up at his house just to say hi and see how he was doing. we talked a bit and came to a common ground about not seeing each other. in my eyes, we were never in a relationship. in his eyes, we were close to being married. that completely shows anyone just how incompatible we were.
a few months later, however, he called me thinking we should start over.
my response: absolutely not. if i have to hit you for us to come to an agreement, it's never going to work.
okay, okay...i'll go into detail (sheesh, don't have a cow).
let's rewind a bit back to january 2008. no, december 2007.
i returned from spain on december 19, 2007. it was awesome to be back home, driving my car and not working and just being awesome all the time. i missed spain because it was really pretty and cool, but it was nice to be back in the states.
i started talking to an infamous ex-boyfriend (brandon), who i'd been dealing with on and off at that point for about 3 years. in january 2008, i went to my homegirl's 21st birthday party and had a great time. minus the fact that this dude blew my entire life by calling and texting me the whole time.
prior to my drive to the party (i was in annapolis, party was in woodbridge, so it took a solid hour to get there), i told him "i will be at a party tonight, so i will hit you later when i'm free."
i guess that meant "please call me 10 times in 3 hours and send me 20+ text messages, then tell me it's because you were concerned."
c'mon dude. you were not concerned. you were keeping tabs and got in your feelings when i didn't respond.
but i digress.
a few weeks later, i stopped getting calls and texts altogether. fine by me, but with our history, i at least wanted to make sure everything was alright. we'd go through this every so often; all of a sudden he would stop calling/texting/e-mailing/facebooking/communi-cating
this time was different. this time was because *insert longest drumroll ever here* he got someone pregnant and the baby was here.
*pause* what? are you kidding me?
yes. this guy got someone pregnant in april 2007.
rewind for me again. we went through an on/off stage from march through may 2007. who does that? lucky for me, we did not have sex during that time, or he may have had twins by two different
so i contact him via facebook--since he blatantly refused to answer any of my other attempts--and he smugly replies that i was only mad because i was on the outside looking in and some other royal bs. royal.
on the outside looking in, doesn't even make sense in that context. i think that's what irritated me the most. because clearly.
i got so mad that i left campus in search of his car. i knew he was at work (which just so happened to be up the street from my last class), but for some reason i just could not find that freaking car. and i guess it was to his benefit, because i was going to key the mess out of it. i had a swiss army knife and i was going to poke the tires. i had a brick and i was going to bust the windows. i was going to make that car look like it had been totalled.
but i just couldn't find it! imagine how much more pissed i was at that point.
i went to the bar and drank. i didn't really give myself an opportunity to cry because i didn't feel he was worth that kind of effort (strange, considering i almost killed his car).
2 weeks later, i'm back at the neighborhood bar (northside richmond, a restaurant called sandy's...i knew the owner) throwing a few back before class. when all of a sudden...
this guy walks in. he sits right next to me, and in typical
he says, "excuse me, can i grab a napkin?" the napkins distance, for him, would've been reaching across me, so i moved a bit and went back to conversation.
then he gave me a 2-piece combo. "you're so pretty. you're not from around here, are you."
what can i say? i'm a leo...we like positive attention. so without blushing i said thank you and told him that i was from maryland but i went to vcu.
he said he went to morehouse for a few years but ended up coming back home when his dad got sick.
sorry to hear that.
he buys me a few drinks. blah blah blah. i love free stuff. i love stuff i don't have to pay for, so he was at least cool in my book.
we exchanged numbers and i went to class.
yes, i went to class. i guess this is where i should tell you that at that point, yeah, i was somewhat of a professional.
the next day passes, no call. fine by me, too much going on. but the second day, i get a call. he wants to chill.
i know where chilling leads, so i said no. and that it'd be better if he planned something for us to do because i'm busy.
ha. busy. i was kinda busy...i wasn't working but i was waiting for a response on an interview i had the week before. school kept me kinda busy. but not busy enough to not chill. i chilled all the time.
the next day i found out i got the job at the hotel. i started training that weekend and met another cool guy (no, he was actually cool. no sarcasm at all there, i promise) and we hung out a lot.
the cool guy invited me out for drinks (not donnell, because he's not a cool guy), and it just so happened to be one of my friends' birthdays, so we went to buffalo wild wings.
i still remember what i drank that night. 2 vodka & cranberrys, 2 whiskey sours, 4 top shelf long island iced teas, 4 shots of patron (i went shot for shot with someone).
needless to say, i was totally plastered when we left. my friend drove my car, and since i was supposed to be the DD, he had to drop other people off at home before taking me home, and another friend had to follow us so he'd have a ride home.
quite the night, right?
instead of me going to my own house (i lived with my godsister's husband's mother at the time), i call donnell to come pick me up from my house so i could go to his house. this entire time, i was also texting another friend in maryland to come down and chill for the weekend. that never happened. who does that.
that night, i puked all over his bathroom and then fell asleep all over his bed. he had to sleep on the couch.
and that was the first time donnell and i hung out. awesome, right?
the next morning, i woke up totally disoriented as to how i got there, but he was really friendly and asked if i was hungry. he made breakfast and we watched saturday morning cartoons. that's when we started to click a bit. weird, right?
right.
fast forward a few months. in this time period, i'd dealt with being stalked (by one of his exes), having to change my phone number (one i'd had for 3 years), almost having to call the police to come get me out of his house (yeah, he locked me inside and took my car and cell phone), and some very physical altercations.
in any order, i:
punched him in his stomach
slapped him across his face
punched/busted him in his chest
kicked him in his chest
punched him in his throat/neck
punched him in his arm
jacked him in his collar
you know, the funny (not haha, because it's clearly not that kind of funny) part about this, is that i look abusive. it's true, i will admit that. but here are the measurements:
i was 5'9", he was pushing 6'4".
i weighed about 170, he weighed about 225.
i had boobs, he had balls. i never hit him in his balls. that's just wrong.
he had this thing about him--he liked to be in complete control. physically, mentally, emotionally and even sexually. he never forced himself on me, and i think that's really because of his prison stint (any convict who has not committed a crime against a woman or child, would kill another person who committed this crime).
i'm not one who is easily controlled on any of those levels.
he had an attitude problem. he was way too aggressive. he was way too controlling. i have never been locked in someone else's house. ever. that is probably close to the worst feeling ever, especially when you are left with no communication method and no way out. i had to search high and low for the house phone, then charge it, in order to call him on my cell phone.
anytime something became physical, it was because of something he said to me (in an effort to control me) or something he did to me. he would grab me, and i would snatch my arm away, then punch him. it's really awful that he didn't learn from the first time i fought back.
there was never a time where i didn't fight back. i just stuck around because it was what i came to expect from him and i could deal with it.
but my breaking point was probably when he said he wanted to have children and expected for us to be together for a while. how can you even fix your mind to want to be with someone with whom you are constantly in physical altercations? considering the fact that he already had 3 daughters (and i would not want them to see their father's behavior towards me and feel like that's what they should expect from men, generally), while he did have arrangements with their mothers (mmhmm, plural) to take care of them, he was not totally on point with this.
so i slowly backed away. i stopped visiting as much. stopped answering phone calls. told my receptionist to stop patching his calls through and tell him i was in a meeting.
about a month later, i popped up at his house just to say hi and see how he was doing. we talked a bit and came to a common ground about not seeing each other. in my eyes, we were never in a relationship. in his eyes, we were close to being married. that completely shows anyone just how incompatible we were.
a few months later, however, he called me thinking we should start over.
my response: absolutely not. if i have to hit you for us to come to an agreement, it's never going to work.
10.17.2011
46. try a new exotic food
okay, so this is probably not exotic, but it's definitely different for me.
this past week, i tried vegetarian food.
i tried this dish called shepherd's pie from a place in DC (of course) called eternal life. i would link it here, but i can't find it online, which scares me. mainly because you all know that everything is so much more official if it's on the internet. the internet is all that is right and good with the world today.
anyway, it was really good. the standard recipe typically has diced potatoes, but the one i had consisted of the mashed version. i think there was some tofu in this one but no mushrooms. i was a little apprehensive at first, probably because i've never had the carnivorous version of shepherd's pie, but this one was really good.
...and if you're backed up, this will totally take care of that issue for you; i promise.
i think that's where the catch 22 comes in, honestly, because i did not enjoy the aftermath of this dish. maybe it was because i spent tne entire weekend chilling on cool porcelain. i'm not opposed to regularity. not at all. but not at the expense of my entire weekend! i didn't even get to go to the gym on sunday, which totally blew me. literally and figuratively.
maybe it's called shepherd's pie because the shepherd killed every animal it herds to make it. but since this dish was vegetarian, i'm probably only slightly inaccurate. just slightly.
i'm hoping i will try something a little more exciting and exotic soon, but after this fiasco, i'm thinking maybe my body is not a fan of exciting and exotic things.
however, this will not stop me from getting a brazilian. nope. it surely won't.
this past week, i tried vegetarian food.
i tried this dish called shepherd's pie from a place in DC (of course) called eternal life. i would link it here, but i can't find it online, which scares me. mainly because you all know that everything is so much more official if it's on the internet. the internet is all that is right and good with the world today.
anyway, it was really good. the standard recipe typically has diced potatoes, but the one i had consisted of the mashed version. i think there was some tofu in this one but no mushrooms. i was a little apprehensive at first, probably because i've never had the carnivorous version of shepherd's pie, but this one was really good.
...and if you're backed up, this will totally take care of that issue for you; i promise.
i think that's where the catch 22 comes in, honestly, because i did not enjoy the aftermath of this dish. maybe it was because i spent tne entire weekend chilling on cool porcelain. i'm not opposed to regularity. not at all. but not at the expense of my entire weekend! i didn't even get to go to the gym on sunday, which totally blew me. literally and figuratively.
maybe it's called shepherd's pie because the shepherd killed every animal it herds to make it. but since this dish was vegetarian, i'm probably only slightly inaccurate. just slightly.
i'm hoping i will try something a little more exciting and exotic soon, but after this fiasco, i'm thinking maybe my body is not a fan of exciting and exotic things.
however, this will not stop me from getting a brazilian. nope. it surely won't.
10.13.2011
open faced pot pie...snot pie?
okay, maybe that doesn't sound so appetizing, but you are going to love this! i know i do.
open faced seemed like snot to me, but it's actually really good, so...this is like a chicken pot pie but it's got stuff your mom wouldn't put in it. and it doesn't have stuff your mom would put in it (i.e. peas and carrots--disgusto).
serves 8
what you'll need:
4 medium chicken breasts or 8 chicken tenderloins, chopped
1.5 cups of broccoli
1.5 cups of cauliflower
2 cups of cheddar/colby/cheddar jack cheese, shredded
1 medium box of bowtie, elbow, or rotini pasta noodles
cook everything first, basically. except the cheese. that would not be good.
chop up all the chicken, fry it in a tablespoon of olive oil until fully cooked, but light brown. add preferred seasonings (salt, pepper, old bay, thyme, etc) to taste.
steam broccoli and cauliflower together on medium-high for about 5 mins (doesn't have to be fully cooked, just doesn't need to be frozen)
boil pasta noodles until completely done. drain. run cold water over them so they're not mushy.
add the chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, and noodles together. mix until they're separated well.
add 1 cup of cheese and mix thoroughly.
pour contents into an oven safe baking dish (spray first with pam or something that won't let your food stick to the pan), and add 1 more cup of cheese to the top of the casserole.
bake for about 20-30 mins on temp 350.
let stand for about 10 mins to cool.
chow down. :)
oh, and enjoy (you better)!
open faced seemed like snot to me, but it's actually really good, so...this is like a chicken pot pie but it's got stuff your mom wouldn't put in it. and it doesn't have stuff your mom would put in it (i.e. peas and carrots--disgusto).
serves 8
what you'll need:
4 medium chicken breasts or 8 chicken tenderloins, chopped
1.5 cups of broccoli
1.5 cups of cauliflower
2 cups of cheddar/colby/cheddar jack cheese, shredded
1 medium box of bowtie, elbow, or rotini pasta noodles
cook everything first, basically. except the cheese. that would not be good.
chop up all the chicken, fry it in a tablespoon of olive oil until fully cooked, but light brown. add preferred seasonings (salt, pepper, old bay, thyme, etc) to taste.
steam broccoli and cauliflower together on medium-high for about 5 mins (doesn't have to be fully cooked, just doesn't need to be frozen)
boil pasta noodles until completely done. drain. run cold water over them so they're not mushy.
add the chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, and noodles together. mix until they're separated well.
add 1 cup of cheese and mix thoroughly.
pour contents into an oven safe baking dish (spray first with pam or something that won't let your food stick to the pan), and add 1 more cup of cheese to the top of the casserole.
bake for about 20-30 mins on temp 350.
let stand for about 10 mins to cool.
chow down. :)
oh, and enjoy (you better)!
10.11.2011
walker is out of order
i guess this is a little more introduction for those of you who don't [quite/yet] know me personally. for those who do, it's more detail.
i go by ronetta cheryll (pronounced sher-ELLE). for those of you who are uber cool and fantastic and think cheryll is my last name, so i must be some mysterious, exotic beauty--hi 5s to you. you're partially correct (lol); but it's my middle name.
i don't use my last name for anything un-tax or un-employment related. not because it isn't a standard last name or i don't like it; but because, i don't know it.
when you get a last name, it's not a choice. it's a surname that your family has, typically superimposed by the patriarch of the family. i have the same last name as ronnie, and ronnie's family, but i'm not what you would call "in relation" to many of them.
i didn't grow up with the walkers. i didn't see my grandparents from age 1 or 2 until age 14. i have an aunt and an uncle. very established, very well off, very busy. too busy for ronetta, in most cases. i have one cousin (uncle's son) who is in his 2nd year of college. i've seen him once in my entire life.
not your typical "related" experience, right? so i've opted out, per se, of using walker as my last name, socially. i'd rather create my own familial experience that involves me and the people who have weathered certain storms with me, than to be labeled as a walker--something i'm not familiar with being.
people who better know the walkers say i get a lot of my personality traits from them. this is really cool, because it's all genetic (if that's the case). however, i don't see how personality (based on experience) can develop from "nature". it develops through nurture, and that portion has a fat question mark by it.
here's how i got my name:
ronetta- a mix of ronnie and annette (my mom's middle name)
it's scandinavian and means "mighty power"
cheryll- derived from cheryl (my mom's first name)
it comes from beryl, which means semi-precious stone
secret: my mom and ronnie, calling themselves "original" initially put an apostrophe (of all things to put in my name, you put an apostrophe? egregious) between the l's in cheryll. now, i have taken the liberty (and decency) of removing that because it's unnecessary. yes, people say "cheryl" or "sher-rill" sometimes, but i correct them and everyone's happy.
i just refuse to use that apostrophe. it gives the spelling way more personality than i need added.
my mom was remarried when i was 5 years old to another guy with a random last name. my mom asked if i wanted to be adopted because my stepdad was willing to adopt me so i could change my last name.
*blank stare*
and take on that last name? i'll deal with my current demons, thank you (lol). although i was never adopted, i still call my stepdad "dad", because he took care of me my entire life. he came to my graduations, he took me to my 8th grade dance...no, no; not because it was cutesy fartsy and father/daughter themed (because it definitely was not), but because i wasn't allowed to go without a chaperone because of those pesky referrals. he came to some of my basketball games; he and my mom actually taught me how to play basketball when i was about 4 years old and i never stopped.
so i like this guy. he's far from perfect, but he was always around. even if he was slightly absent minded.
i didn't legally drop walker because, well, i don't want to spend money on ridding myself of something that never did anything for me. i'd rather prove to all of them that it's their loss that they don't know me well, by keeping the last name. that way one day, when i'm big (on google, of course), they will never be able to get rid of me in their searches.
to clear it up a bit, i do keep in scattered contact with my aunt and my grandfather. my aunt and i fell off a bit, and then ended up finding common ground. she has sense, and i have sense, so why not keep in touch, right? pretty cool lady. i also keep up with my grandfather. he's retired, has a boat, and likes to fish and garden. really cool guy, very down to earth.
i do wish i could've spent more time getting to know that side of my family, but ronnie's plight made it extremely difficult. not to mention, he helped matters so much by defaming me as i got older, to my now deceased grandmother, who never confirmed any information with me, but trusted that he (read: convict) was telling the absolute truth. i don't blame her and i'm not mad at her. i pray she rests peacefully. i just wish that i was given a chance. i was just a kid when all this was happening.
needless to say, i grew up quickly. fantasy and imagination weren't things i had or experienced--i was expected to understand and learn, quickly. what 9 year old has mood swings because of home stress and school pressure? *raises hand*
i remember writing in my journal, and the entries always being extremely vivid concerning what someone looked like (prettier than me or better than me) or how they treated me (badly). when i'd write, i'd imagine that i was married to the perfect man and had 3 perfect kids (2 boys and 1 girl). their names would be perfect. my house, perfect. my 4 rottweilers, perfect. the land surrounding my house, perfect.
...because things were just not that great.
i go by ronetta cheryll (pronounced sher-ELLE). for those of you who are uber cool and fantastic and think cheryll is my last name, so i must be some mysterious, exotic beauty--hi 5s to you. you're partially correct (lol); but it's my middle name.
i don't use my last name for anything un-tax or un-employment related. not because it isn't a standard last name or i don't like it; but because, i don't know it.
when you get a last name, it's not a choice. it's a surname that your family has, typically superimposed by the patriarch of the family. i have the same last name as ronnie, and ronnie's family, but i'm not what you would call "in relation" to many of them.
i didn't grow up with the walkers. i didn't see my grandparents from age 1 or 2 until age 14. i have an aunt and an uncle. very established, very well off, very busy. too busy for ronetta, in most cases. i have one cousin (uncle's son) who is in his 2nd year of college. i've seen him once in my entire life.
not your typical "related" experience, right? so i've opted out, per se, of using walker as my last name, socially. i'd rather create my own familial experience that involves me and the people who have weathered certain storms with me, than to be labeled as a walker--something i'm not familiar with being.
people who better know the walkers say i get a lot of my personality traits from them. this is really cool, because it's all genetic (if that's the case). however, i don't see how personality (based on experience) can develop from "nature". it develops through nurture, and that portion has a fat question mark by it.
here's how i got my name:
ronetta- a mix of ronnie and annette (my mom's middle name)
it's scandinavian and means "mighty power"
cheryll- derived from cheryl (my mom's first name)
it comes from beryl, which means semi-precious stone
secret: my mom and ronnie, calling themselves "original" initially put an apostrophe (of all things to put in my name, you put an apostrophe? egregious) between the l's in cheryll. now, i have taken the liberty (and decency) of removing that because it's unnecessary. yes, people say "cheryl" or "sher-rill" sometimes, but i correct them and everyone's happy.
i just refuse to use that apostrophe. it gives the spelling way more personality than i need added.
my mom was remarried when i was 5 years old to another guy with a random last name. my mom asked if i wanted to be adopted because my stepdad was willing to adopt me so i could change my last name.
*blank stare*
and take on that last name? i'll deal with my current demons, thank you (lol). although i was never adopted, i still call my stepdad "dad", because he took care of me my entire life. he came to my graduations, he took me to my 8th grade dance...no, no; not because it was cutesy fartsy and father/daughter themed (because it definitely was not), but because i wasn't allowed to go without a chaperone because of those pesky referrals. he came to some of my basketball games; he and my mom actually taught me how to play basketball when i was about 4 years old and i never stopped.
so i like this guy. he's far from perfect, but he was always around. even if he was slightly absent minded.
i didn't legally drop walker because, well, i don't want to spend money on ridding myself of something that never did anything for me. i'd rather prove to all of them that it's their loss that they don't know me well, by keeping the last name. that way one day, when i'm big (on google, of course), they will never be able to get rid of me in their searches.
to clear it up a bit, i do keep in scattered contact with my aunt and my grandfather. my aunt and i fell off a bit, and then ended up finding common ground. she has sense, and i have sense, so why not keep in touch, right? pretty cool lady. i also keep up with my grandfather. he's retired, has a boat, and likes to fish and garden. really cool guy, very down to earth.
i do wish i could've spent more time getting to know that side of my family, but ronnie's plight made it extremely difficult. not to mention, he helped matters so much by defaming me as i got older, to my now deceased grandmother, who never confirmed any information with me, but trusted that he (read: convict) was telling the absolute truth. i don't blame her and i'm not mad at her. i pray she rests peacefully. i just wish that i was given a chance. i was just a kid when all this was happening.
needless to say, i grew up quickly. fantasy and imagination weren't things i had or experienced--i was expected to understand and learn, quickly. what 9 year old has mood swings because of home stress and school pressure? *raises hand*
i remember writing in my journal, and the entries always being extremely vivid concerning what someone looked like (prettier than me or better than me) or how they treated me (badly). when i'd write, i'd imagine that i was married to the perfect man and had 3 perfect kids (2 boys and 1 girl). their names would be perfect. my house, perfect. my 4 rottweilers, perfect. the land surrounding my house, perfect.
...because things were just not that great.
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