i said i was gonna do it...

...i said i was gonna write about the reasoning behind the estrangement between me and the evasive ronnie, so let's see what i can come up with today.

so we all know (if we don't, welcome!) that he was incarcerated from about january 1987 until roughly may 2009. i don't know exact dates because i can't keep up with that shit dates that well.

from what i remember, he was released in 1994 in late april. this release was short lived, mainly because when you take someone who is programmed to do the wrong things, it's only a matter of time before they do (what?) the wrong things. again.

he was apprehended a day before my 8th birthday. i didn't find this out until i was much older, and for a good reason. because clearly.

he stayed in for 15 years after that. if that's not missing your only child's childhood, i have no idea what is.

upon his release, i planned to drive to harrisburg to visit him and maybe spend some time with him. at this point, i was pretty open to getting to know him and making an effort towards bridging this huge gap creating a relationship from scratch with him. he seemed pretty open to it as well.

i drive to harrisburg, and instead of us just spending what i consider "normal" time together, like having lunch or sight seeing, he wants to go to walmart. i'm like okay, well he probably needs food and there were no walmarts when he was a real citizen an adolescent/young adult, so he might be intrigued.

we go to walmart. we spend approximately 2 hours in walmart going up and down each aisle and picking out random crap. when it was time to check out, he had some money, but he was short about $50 bucks. guess who got the honor of footing the remainder of the bill? me. it was fannnnn *wait for it* tastic! spending $50 on things i will never eat for a person i have no relationship with, who i just drove over 200 miles to see is something i always want to do with my free time. especially on independence day weekend. that always feels so good.

i shrugged it off and paid the $50 bucks so he could have all of his unnecessary food. i guess he didn't consider the fact that he lived in a rehab home as part of his parole contract, and would be sharing a small refrigerator with other people, as his things took up most of the space in the fridge, and he *boop* didn't know how to cook any of it.

once that was done, i had to leave, because he had a curfew. a really early curfew, because he was a newbie. so it was a pretty pointless visit. i went back to my hometown and partied with my cousins.

the fall comes and so my mom and i decide to go for a visit because there's some kind of parade going on in harrisburg, and that's way better than going to walmart for 2 hours. at this point, homeboy's got a job, so he took us to ruby tuesday for lunch. then we went to the river (where the parade was happening) and walked and talked.

i hate to sound mean, but this kind of thing is something that should've been done when i was about 5. not eleventy-two (read: 23). at any rate, it was a nice day.

a couple months pass and he starts to become the awesome person he is today.

okay, so i started dating this guy, right? i lived in richmond (va), we met through mutual friends (via work), and at the time he was living in columbia (sc), but he was preparing to move to charlotte (nc) a few weeks later, putting us at 4 hours apart. not horrible, but not a trip you make every weekend, either.

so i went down a few times just to get the hell away from richmond. and i had a great time. lo and behold, ronnie asks me to come visit again.

my first reaction was, why don't you take a bus down to visit me instead, and you can stay at my apartment? it's senseless for me to drive 200+ miles to visit you for 2 hours since you have a curfew, and then i'd have to turn right back around and drive to stay at my mom's house (in annapolis) for the night, before making the 2+ hour trip back to richmond. just kinda pointless to me.

and the guy i was dating had this really nice, really comfortable condo in a quiet neighborhood, and all i had to do was show up and he'd take care of the rest of the weekend. that sounds a lot more promising to me, than spending most of my weekend in a car.

so i told him i had plans to go to nc that weekend, and this guy flips all the way out, says i'm boy crazy (mind you i am 23 and the columbia/charlotte guy was 25), and that i'm selfish.

*brakes screech* i think selfish is expecting me to drive 5 hours to pay for $50 of your groceries again.

i think selfish is when you don't offer gas money or to travel down to see me, since i've made the trip to see you twice already.

i think selfish is expecting anything from me, when you've done nothing.

no, i think that is a sense of entitlement--something i don't now, nor have i ever, tolerated.

needless to say i didn't go visit. he had an attitude about that for about 6 months (additional time wasted).

jesse convinced me to go visit, so we went together. it was a fun time. this time, ronnie paid for lunch. *shocked face*

we really only had time to eat lunch and talk a while before we had to leave. at this point, he'd moved to his own room at a boarding house, so there was no curfew.

but there was also no space, so there was no way we could stay if we tried.

the rest of 2010 was spent arguing. i gave up for what i thought would be the last time in april of that year.

boy was i wrong.

i get a happy birthday text on my 24th birthay, after telling him to lose my number. guess old habits die hard. i deleted the text, but jesse convinced me to contact him because maybe he was extending an olive branch.

things lightened up a bit for a few months. and then bam, back to the attitudes and the arguing.

back to the bull shit you know what, yes bull shit. that's what it was back to.

i tried again to smooth things over by visiting him in that awful place i told you about in my 100 boring things...you know, that place where i was born? yeah, that god-forsaken place. so boring. *yawns just thinking about it*

jesse and i traveled north, yet again, from richmond, for one birthday dinner. that weekend i was a bit under the weather, i had to sing in a concert in my hometown, and i was between paychecks. you know what that means. that awesome point in your week where you are so stoked to find a dollar under the seat of your car. yeah, that point.

i wear a sundress and sandals, do my hair, and go. we take pictures. i was in a good mood, but my sarcasm shined through marvelously. luckily, people laughed; typically, they stare. i'm fine either way, as long as i laugh.

we head over to my cousin's restaurant and have dinner (at this point, i'm celebrating me, so i get a hennessee on the rocks). he doesn't pay; my cousin comps the bill, although i offered to pay for it (my cousin wouldn't let me). fine, right? great freaking day.

my 25th birthday rounds the bend. as far as i know, i've had the same birthday since, well, birth. july 30. it never surprises me (though the age does, every year without fail), so i don't see how a date that comes around every single year, surprises anyone.

it's whack. i created an event on facebook and invited a bunch of people, but left the event open so that anyone who wanted to come, could come. he sends me an e-mail about a week later that said yeah so i'm not gonna be able to come to your little birthday thing.

*blank stare* awesome. because it would suck if you could.

he said something about having to work that weekend and that he'd taken off too many weekends before, blah blah blah. but really? he could've taken off work if he wanted to take off work. it's not like he is a freaking CEO of anything but poop.

he works as a steward at a hotel. a steward, you ask? someone who does all the dirty work no one else on payroll wants to do. a chef doesn't take out garbage, clean floors, wash dishes, does he? no, that's what the hotel pays a steward to do. but let ronnie tell it, he is a multitasker.

*pause* when did they start hiring for those?

i forgot to mention he has a crum-snatcher girlfriend who he spends most of his time with. she is 4 years older than me and doesn't have a high school diploma. as you can see, he is fully of the classy. she lives with her mother, doesn't know her father (hmm, maybe we do have something in common), and doesn't have a job. she was fired from her job and because she has no real skills or education, no one else will hire her.

i'm pretty sure they're a match made in heaven.

so cheers to you, anal fissure. you officially, royally, and completely suck.