you can't date someone who is incarcerated

i think everyone has an internal voice that says "i can't do this," but unfortunately, there are some women who employ the president obama tagline: yes we can!

but no.

you CAN'T:

date someone who is incarcerated.
you physically can't. come on, people. what, in your right mind would tell you that having a boyfriend in jail is okay? he's in JAIL. there is no dating. what, do you imagine you went to dinner by writing a letter that says you did? do you accept the collect call and talk about how you wish you were holding each other? that's not dating, that's insanity.

i guess i might be more lenient for those of you who met a man and began to date before he did the crime to do the time, then i guess you would get a point for loyalty. but no ma'am; you may not meet and decide to date someone while they are incarcerated. what, are the free men just not as accessible?

i know there are women who go to prisons to see what's shaking, but come on! unless the only free men on your dirt road are your cousins, there is nothing interesting going on at any prison, except a lot of my tax dollars at work. unless you're going to get those back from me, there is really no point in going there. at all.

take it from me, from experience. ronnie was in jail for a very, very very long time. i visited enough, but with all the stipulations in place, it can be very tiring and frustrating.

first, you drive for hours to the middle of nowhere, where the only thing in that area/town is the jail. no gas stations, no malls, just the jail. that's depressing. it's not like the jail is in a hotel courtyard or next to an amusement park. so where's the fun?

second, you get there and you have to be checked in, like you're also a criminal. just a free criminal. you get finger printed (why, i do not know), you get patted down, and you have to walk through a metal detector. you have to put all of your own belongings in a locker (so my things had to go to jail, too), you have to sign a waiver, and then you have to sit in a boring lobby and wait for your "beloved" to get ready.

*pause*

what is there to prepare? put on your house shoes and your oranges/grays/ stripes/whites and get to the visiting room! whenever i went to visit ronnie, i usually had to wait a solid 30 mins.

what on earth (!!!) did you have to prepare for 30 mins! were you so busy knowing that i was coming to visit that time slipped away? i have no freaking idea.

all i know is, from a very young age--because i had to go visit my own father--i was always confused as to why people chose incarcerated men over free ones. at least the free ones can go do stuff with you. the ones in jail sometimes look at you through a glass and talk to you on a wall phone. sometimes they give you one hug on sight, and one hug when time's up. i can't imagine subjecting myself to something like that.

not while there are millions of men just walking the earth, working, owning homes, and being productive. no no.

i remember seeing tons of young women, at the jails i visited for ronnie, there visiting a husband or boyfriend. and i felt really irritated with those women, because there are more fish in the sea. those men weren't even in the sea; they were in a fishbowl in someone's basement. how did you even find those fish?!

if jesse decided to go do something illegal and get arrested, arraigned, tried, indicted, and sentenced to jail, i can't really say what i would do right now. i love jesse a lot; but his choice to do the crime, got him the time. being in a relationship with someone who's incarcerated is also punishment for the innocent party.

if the sentence was weekends or 30 days, it's not so bad. i could probably deal with that. but 30 years? i am gonna go with a no! that is all of my child bearing years in one stint. all of my youth, all of my healthy, prime years! and i'm supposed to give that to someone who made a bad choice? so i have to be incarcerated, too?

probably not gonna ever happen. love you, jesse, and we can write, but you're gonna have to get over the fact that i'm moving on!

would you ever date someone who is incarcerated?